By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who are mourning the lack of a connection in their marriage. Many worry that the emotional bond is no longer there. I heard from a wife who said: “I don’t think that my husband is emotionally connected to me anymore. He’s very cold and distant toward me. Last week, I lost a dear friend of mine to illness. I was sitting in the living room balling my eyes out and my husband just walked past me without saying a word. Five years ago, he would have taken me in his arms and comforted me, but he did nothing. This is just one example, but for months I’ve noticed him distancing himself from me emotionally. What are some additional signs that I can look for that might indicate that he is no longer connected to me? And if I’m right about this, does it mean my marriage is over?” I will address these questions in the following article. And I will tell you that I think are some tell tale signs that the emotional connection is wavering.
He’s Continuously Distant And Cold: The wife could have been correct in her concerns. The above description of a husband walking right by his sobbing wife is disturbing. But, this could have been an isolated incident. Perhaps the husband himself was upset by the friend’s death. There was no way to tell without having more information. The wife would be in the best position to evaluate whether this distance was a reoccurring issue. It can be helpful to try to take an objective look at how often he affectionately touches or talks to you. Because when people have an emotional connection, they will often touch or reach out to one another without even thinking about it. They will naturally want to ask about one another’s day or have discussions to find out what is going on with the other. If this isn’t happening, it’s important to take notice and see if you can pin point any other areas of your marriage that might cause concern.
You Notice Changes In Your Sex Life: People often assume that sex is an activity that is based more on a physical or chemical attraction. This is partly true. But many married couples who have good and satisfying sex lives also have a very strong emotional connection. Because if you are not invested emotionally, then the physical manifestation of that connection is not going to happen as often, if at all. So if you are noticing negative changes in your sex life, this might be another indication that you’re losing that emotional bond.
He’s Avoiding Spending Time Alone With You: The harsh reality is that when you do not feel connected to someone, you aren’t going to be all that excited about spending time alone with them. It’s just not your priority because you just don’t find it to be a lot of fun. So you tend to just avoid the situation all together. If you notice that your spouse is working late, going out with friends, sitting in front of the TV, getting up quickly from the dinner table, or turning down your requests to spend time together, then these things are all red flags that he’s avoiding you for some reason. There’s no way to tell (at least without asking) if these things are due to emotional disconnect. But they are indicative of a spouse who isn’t all that excited about spending quality time with you.
He’s Breaking Away To Do Things On His Own Or To Assert His Independence: When your husband is losing emotional interest in you, then you will sometimes see him begin to break away from your marriage and live more as an individual or in a way that would be indicative of a single person. You might see him having dinner with friends without you or going on trips without asking you to go along. This may indicate that your spouse is beginning to think of themselves more as an individual and less as part of a whole.
If You’re Husband Is Losing His Emotional Connection To You, Does This Mean That Your Marriage Is In Trouble Or Over? In my opinion, it does mean that you should pay attention or even consider taking some action. And, a loss of the emotional connection can be a serious warning sign that your marriage is in trouble, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage is over. You can always improve your situation and therefore improve your marriage. And I am living proof that you can return the emotional connection to your marriage even when it has been long gone.
Frankly, the first step in getting the connection back is noticing that it’s gone. Many wives live in denial and tell themselves that they’ve been married such a long time that they have become comfortable. In my experience, even comfortable couples who are emotionally connected still reach out to one another, make time for one another, and know without any doubt that they are loved. If you have any questions about this, then that is a good indication that you can make some major improvements in this area.
So how do you get the connection back? By turning your time, attention, and focus back to your marriage. Be a good listener. Show your spouse that you appreciate them. Pay attention to the cues and clues that they are giving you. Be vulnerable and not afraid to reach out to them even when they are not reaching out to you. Remember the things that drew you together in the first place and don’t make excuses or tell yourself that things will work out on their own.
Sometimes, the worst thing that you can do is ignore a problem and hope that it goes away. Taking the right kind of action at the right time is almost always the better call. If I had taken action the second I began to notice my husband’s emotional distance, it might have saved a lot of time and aggravation. But I didn’t. And this meant that saving my marriage was a longer and more difficult process. However, once I understood some basic truths about human nature, the pieces all fell into place and I was able to save my marriage. If it helps, you can read the whole story from beginning to end on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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