Is There a Way to Make A Man Stay When He Wants Out?

By: Leslie Cane: I often hear from wives or girlfriends who are desperate for something—anything—they can do or say to make a man stay, even when he’s made it clear he wants to leave. Maybe he’s asking for space, or a trial separation, or has already packed a bag and is heading for the door. Regardless of the details, the heartbreak is the same: someone they love is slipping away, and they’re scrambling to stop it.

In those moments, many women search for a quick, powerful fix—something dramatic that will instantly change his mind. And the more determined he seems to go, the more urgent and drastic their efforts often become.

Unfortunately, that sense of panic can lead to choices that only make things worse. I’ve had women ask me if they should try to get pregnant to make him stay. Or whether they should make emotional threats to guilt or scare him into changing his mind. I truly understand how tempting it is to cling to anything that feels like control when you’re hurting and afraid. But I’ve also seen firsthand how these tactics backfire. Any attempt to manipulate the situation—no matter how well-intentioned—only adds to the emotional distance.

The good news? There are things you can do that are both effective and emotionally healthy. And while they may not produce instant results, they tend to be more lasting—and that’s what really matters.

Understanding Why He Wants Out Or What He Really Wants (Even If He Doesn’t Understand It Himself:)

Sometimes, a man says he wants to leave not because he’s truly done with the relationship, but because he needs time and distance to sort through his emotions. He may be wondering what life feels like without the tension, or trying to figure out if he’s really happier apart than together. In those situations, how you act in the days and weeks before (and just after) he leaves can have a huge impact on what he ultimately decides.

That’s why it’s crucial to resist the urge to react with desperation. Don’t let your last interactions before the break be filled with begging, blame, or anger. You want him to remember you as someone who handled a painful moment with grace and self-respect. That image may linger in his mind far longer than you think—and could shape what happens next.

Why He Says He Wants Out—And Why That Might Not Be the Whole Story

Many women fixate on finding the “real” reason behind their partner’s decision to leave. They want to argue against his logic or counter every reason he gives. But here’s the truth: sometimes he doesn’t fully understand it himself. He may toss out vague statements like, “I’m just not happy,” or “It’s not working anymore.” These aren’t always carefully thought-out conclusions—they’re often just feelings he hasn’t fully sorted out yet.

Trying to debate him into staying rarely works. He’s not dumb. He knows what you are trying to do. What can work? Making sure that his emotional experience with you feels lighter, more positive, and less draining. When he begins to feel more understood and less judged, he’s more likely to open up and reassess how he feels.

Show Him You’re On His Side

If a man senses that your only goal is to make him change his mind, he may dig in even deeper. He may view every conversation as a battle, and you as the opposition. That’s why one of the most effective shifts you can make is to show him that you’re on his side.

Let him know that you agree that things need to change. Tell him that his happiness matters to you, because it does. When he sees you as someone who wants what’s best for him (even if that’s hard to say out loud), he may start to see you differently, too. Not as the person he’s trying to escape, but as someone who understands him in a way no one else does.

This approach isn’t always quick, and it may not satisfy the part of you that wants immediate reassurance. But it’s often far more effective in the long run. Show him—gently and gradually—the woman he once fell in love with. Let him see that the spark he thinks is gone might only be buried under layers of stress and misunderstanding.

My Own Experience: From Absolute Panic to Progress

When I was trying to keep my own husband from leaving, I made nearly every mistake I’ve talked about here. I begged. I stalked. I cried and threatened, and made emotional scenes. I thought that if I just tried harder—louder—I could stop him from walking away.

But it didn’t work. In fact, it made things worse.

Eventually, I realized that my fear was running the show—and that it was costing me the very thing I was trying to save. So I stopped reacting and started reflecting. I shifted my focus away from trying to control his choices and instead focused on changing the experience he had with me. That shift made all the difference.

If you’re facing a situation like this, please know you’re not alone. And know that there is a better way—one that’s built on dignity, connection, and understanding. When I was trying to keep my husband from leaving for good, I made many of the mistakes discussed in this article. I stalked, begged, threatened, tried to overcompensate, and acted very badly. These things backfired.

I share more of my story, including what finally helped me save my marriage, on my blog: http://isavedmymarriage.com/

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How to Determine If Your Husband Really Wants Out of Your Marriage

by: Leslie Cane: I sometimes speak with wives and girlfriends who are desperately trying to find the right thing to say or do to stop a man who’s made it clear he wants to leave. Often, it’s a husband who’s asking for space, a separation, or a divorce and is preparing to move out. Other times, it’s a boyfriend who’s on the brink of ending the relationship.

Naturally, these women want a solution—something immediate and powerful enough to make him change his mind. And the more determined he is to go, the more urgent and drastic the strategy can feel.

But here’s the hard truth: Sometimes, in our desperation to stop him, we make things worse. I’ve heard from women wondering if they should get pregnant to convince him to stay, or whether dramatic threats might turn the tide. While I fully understand how these ideas can take root in a moment of panic, they almost always backfire. Anything that’s based in manipulation or fear—rather than honesty and connection—often damages trust and makes you appear in a worse light.

The good news? There are ways to shift the dynamic. They may not offer the instant turnaround you crave, but they’re far more effective—and lasting. Let’s explore how to approach this painful situation with clarity, strategy, and self-respect.

Does He Really Want Out? Or Does He Just Need Time?

Not every man who says he wants out is 100% sure he wants the marriage to end. Sometimes, he just needs space to clear his head and evaluate how he feels with (and without) you. If that’s the case, how you act right now matters. You want him to look back and remember you as graceful and centered, not panicked or combative.

Reacting as though the world is ending can actually make things worse—especially if this is more of a cooling-off period than a final goodbye. Many men who initially believe they want to leave later admit they weren’t entirely sure. But if he remembers this phase as one where you guilted, begged, or pressured him, he’s less likely to reconsider.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply buy time. Time can shift feelings, soften defenses, and offer a new perspective—if you play your cards right.

Understanding What He Really Wants (Even If He Doesn’t Fully Know)

Many women fall into the trap of focusing all their energy on countering his reasons for leaving. The problem is, he might not even fully understand those reasons himself. Often, what he’s feeling is vague: “I’m not happy.” “It’s not working.” “I need space.”

Trying to dissect and debate these unclear feelings can lead to frustration for both of you. Instead, focus on what you can control—how you’re showing up, how he perceives you, and how the tone of your interactions feels. Small, positive shifts in the way you relate to him can have a powerful effect, even if they don’t immediately solve everything.

Show Him You’re On His Side

Let’s be honest: Most men know you want to change their minds. And many will dig in their heels even more to prove that you can’t. So how do you get around this?

By aligning yourself with him, not against him.

Agree that something needs to change. Acknowledge that you both deserve to be happier. Reassure him that you genuinely care about his well-being—not just about preserving the marriage.

When he sees that you’re not just trying to trap him or win him back for your own sake, he may soften. He may look at you differently. He may start to miss the version of you that feels safe, supportive, and easy to be around.

This doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine. It just means showing up as the version of yourself that he first fell in love with—gradually, consistently, and sincerely.

The Biggest Mistakes I Made (So You Don’t Have To)

When I was in this situation myself, I made every mistake in the book. I begged. I threatened. I followed him. I tried to overcompensate. I acted out of fear instead of love. And it only pushed him further away.

Thankfully, I realized that I was making things worse—and I course-corrected in time to save our marriage. I now believe that slow, steady changes in the way you interact, the way you present yourself, and the energy you bring to the relationship are far more powerful than any dramatic, last-ditch effort.

If you want to read the full story of how I turned things around, I share it on my blog: http://isavedmymarriage.com.

You may not be able to control his feelings overnight. But you can influence the way he sees you. And often, that’s the first step to helping him see the relationship—and your future—through a new lens.

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Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Care About You Or Your Marriage Anymore

By: Leslie Cane:  I often hear from wives who tell me that they don’t think that their husband cares about them anymore.  They will often report a husband who just doesn’t seem involved or invested in them or the marriage.  Sometimes, when they confront their husband with these suspicions, he will deny that there is anything wrong and the wife will wonder if she’s just imagining things or being paranoid.

I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I just don’t think my husband cares about me anymore.   He doesn’t bother to come home on time.  He drifts in and out after our family has already had dinner.  He never listens to me anymore.  He’s never there for me or the kids.  He seems more interested and involved with his friends than he is with his own family.  He never shows me physical affection anymore.  When he is around or does spend time with our family, he acts as if he wishes he were somewhere else.  But when I confront him about this, he says I expect too much and just love to complain.  I don’t want to make things worse between us by arguing with him, but I’m pretty sure he just doesn’t care about me, my happiness, my kids, or this marriage anymore.  How do I know if I’m right?”

These are challenging questions.  Without talking the husband and having him be completely honest (which didn’t seem likely)  most of the conclusions that you draw have to be based on comparing past behaviors with present behaviors and then looking at the big picture.  With that said though, there are signs to look for that might indicate that your husband no longer cares as much about you and the marriage.  I will discuss those below.

When You Compare His Past Behavior With His Current Behavior, There Is An Obvious And Troubling Difference: Sometimes when wives tell me their husband’s don’t care about them anymore, they admit that he has always shown very little emotion or affection from the beginning.  Some men just are not big on being demonstrative about how they feel. But other times, the husband’s behavior has changed very dramatically.  And this is when it’s easier to suspect that something is truly wrong.

If you’re dealing with a man who used to show you affection and be very involved in your day to day life and he’s suddenly very distant, cold, and just not interested in what is happening with you, then that’s a substantial red flag.  While it doesn’t always have to mean that he doesn’t care about you or the marriage anymore, it can mean that you need to investigate this much more.

Your Challenges And Concerns Are No Longer His Challenges And Concerns: When you love someone and are invested in your marriage, you can’t help feeling empathy with your spouse.  Even if you yourself are busy or are dealing with your own issues, your normal inclination is going to be to notice when your spouse is struggling or when something is “off” with them and then try to help or offer support.  And, it’s likely that you know them so well that knowing when something is wrong is second nature to you.

So if you’re husband isn’t noticing what is going on with you or doesn’t seem to care, it’s natural to ask yourself why.  Because a spouse who is emotionally connected and invested in his marriage is likely to become MORE involved when his spouse faces challenges rather than LESS involved.  So if he’s distancing himself from you or if your problems are suddenly “your problems” rather than “our problems” then this can be a tell tale sign that something is drastically wrong.

He’s Already Explored (Or Is Trying On) His Exit Plan: Usually the first thing that wives notice when their marriage is in trouble is their husband’s lack of presence and I mean this both literally and figuratively.  Not only will he not be around anymore, but when he is, he isn’t really there.  Now, there are times when a husband can’t help having to work late or to work extra hours.  Sometimes, he might have an issue or obligation with his extended family or others who might be close to him.  All of this is understandable.

But usually what you’ll see when your husband no longer cares about his marriage is that he really has no legitimate reason to be gone as much as he is and he also has no legitimate excuse for his emotional distance (although he may try to give you one.)  You may notice him trying on a new lifestyle or he may be making his friends his new extended family.

If My Husband No Longer Cares About Me, Does This Mean My Marriage Is Automatically Over?: Many times, when I discuss this topic with wives, they begin to panic as soon as they see that some of these signs apply to them.  They worry that as soon as their husband stops caring, then there is nothing that they can do to save the marriage.

This isn’t always the case.  Sometimes, a husband distances himself or checks out emotionally as the result of an unresolved issue in your marriage or an unresolved issue within him.  It’s sort of a defense mechanism or sometimes it is a reaction to frustration.  But, there are times that you can address and fix these issues and find that your husband will begin to act like he actually cares and is invested once again.  This is not at all uncommon.  Just one example is disgruntled spouses checking out of their marriage, cheating or doing something else that they regret, and then later realizing that they stupidly risked what was truly important to them because they saw things in the wrong way at the time.

The point is, people’s perceptions and feelings change as their situation changes.  So if your husband’s feelings (or lack of feelings) stem from a problem or situation, fixing the issues that exist will often address the feelings as well.

Unfortunately, I really didn’t understand this when my husband seemed to stop caring about me and my marriage and these mistakes almost meant the end of us as a couple.  I almost waited too long to change my actions when my husband had checked out of our marriage. So, I had a whole lot of catching up to do.  But I eventually changed the circumstances, which in turn changed his feelings.  If it helps, you can read about this transformation on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/.

 

 

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What Should a Wife Do When Her Husband Wants a Break From Her and the Marriage?

By: Leslie Cane: I once heard from a wife whose husband sat her down and said something that completely rocked her world: he wanted “a break”—not just from the routine, but from her and the marriage itself. He told her he needed time away to think, and planned to stay with family for a while.

She was stunned. Sure, they’d had problems, but she never thought things would get to this point. She told me:
“I feel like I’m stuck. If I let him go, I’m terrified he won’t come back. But if I push back or try to make him stay, I might drive him even further away.”

I completely understood where she was coming from—because I’ve been there. When someone you love pulls away, it’s only natural to panic. But oddly enough, sometimes distance can create clarity. The real danger lies in how we handle things during that space.

Let me share what I’ve learned through experience, both personally and from others who’ve faced the same kind of crossroads.

1. Allow the Break—but Set Clear Boundaries

I know it’s scary. Your gut reaction may be to cling tighter, to plead, to try to talk him out of it. But often, if a husband has gotten to the point where he’s asking for space, he’s already made up his mind to take it. Fighting against it might only cause more tension.

Instead, you can take a calmer, more strategic approach—one that might actually help the situation more than you realize.

You might say something like:

“I hear you. If space is something you feel you need right now, I won’t stand in the way. But I’d like us to be on the same page about what this break means. Can we talk about what kind of communication we’ll have during this time? Are there things I can do—or not do—that would make this easier for you?”

Setting expectations—like how often you’ll talk or when you’ll revisit the idea of reconnecting—helps prevent misunderstandings that often turn temporary breaks into permanent goodbyes.

2. Stay Calm, Even When You’re Falling Apart Inside

One of the hardest parts of this situation is managing your emotions—especially when fear, heartbreak, and confusion are swirling inside you.

But here’s something important: Your husband is likely paying attention to how you respond right now. Whether he realizes it or not, he’s evaluating what life might look like without you in it. And if every call turns into guilt, pressure, or conflict, that decision may become easier for him in the wrong direction.

I know how hard it is, but if you can stay composed and gracious—especially during your interactions—you create the kind of dynamic that’s harder to walk away from. He needs to see the version of you that he still loves, not someone drowning in fear or bitterness.

3. Focus on How You’re Perceived—And How You Feel About Yourself

This time apart isn’t just about him. It’s about you, too. The way you spend this time matters. The energy you bring into your own life affects everything.

So do what helps you feel more whole again. See your friends. Reconnect with hobbies or passions you let slide. Talk to people who support and uplift you. Get out in the world—not because it’s a tactic, but because it genuinely helps.

When you feel a bit more centered, you naturally show up as someone more confident, composed, and balanced. And that’s exactly the kind of energy that can draw someone back in.

4. What If You’ve Already Made Mistakes?

Maybe you already pleaded or begged or panicked. I get it. I did too. In the early days of my own marriage crisis, I said and did all the wrong things. I texted too much. I tried to guilt him. I pushed when I should have paused.

But here’s the good news: Most people make mistakes early on—and they can still recover. What matters is recognizing when something isn’t working and choosing to pivot.

Eventually, I stopped chasing, and I focused on being the version of myself I liked—and that he had always loved. And little by little, things began to shift.

In Closing:

When a husband says he wants a break from the marriage, it doesn’t always mean the end. But how you respond to that break can shape what happens next. Give him the space he says he needs—but also give yourself the grace and strength to handle it in a way you won’t regret later.

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be very deliberately mindful. And you have to remember that how you carry yourself now might quietly remind him of everything worth fighting for.

You can read more of my story—and what eventually helped me save my own marriage—on my blog: http://isavedmymarriage.com

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I Want to Get My Husband Back When He’s Already Moved Out (And Potentially Moved On)

By: Leslie Cane: I once spoke with a wife who was feeling both heartbroken and panicked. Her husband had moved out about six weeks ago. At first, they were still talking fairly often—quick check-ins here and there, and the occasional meaningful conversation. But lately, things had shifted. He was pulling away. She was ramping up the pressure. And it wasn’t working.

She said, “I keep texting, I keep trying to talk to him about coming home, and now he barely responds. I’m starting to think that maybe it’s over. I want him back so badly, but I don’t even know if I have a chance anymore. Especially if he’s moving on.”

This is incredibly painful. I know because I lived something very similar. When your husband has moved out and it feels like he might be emotionally detaching—or worse, finding someone else—it’s hard not to spiral. But what I’ve learned, both from my own journey and from the many wives who’ve reached out to me, is this: it’s not always too late. Even when it feels like it is.

Let me explain what I mean and offer a path forward that doesn’t involve chasing him—because chasing rarely works—but might just gently pull him back toward you.

First: Don’t Add to His Negative Perceptions

When a man leaves, it’s usually not just because of one argument or one situation. Often, it’s because he’s built up a set of perceptions that tell him he’s “done.” He might feel misunderstood, nagged, unappreciated, criticized—or like something’s missing and he doesn’t know how to get it back.

So when you try to make him feel guilty, or you bombard him with messages, or you try to rehash the past, it only reinforces those negative perceptions. It might make him think, “Yep. This is exactly why I left.”

And I get it. You’re hurting. You want answers. You want him to know how devastated you are. But in this situation, restraint is powerful. Sometimes silence—or a calm, self-respecting tone—says more than a thousand texts.

Instead of pushing for connection, you want to gently reset the narrative he’s built in his mind. The version of you he left needs to be replaced by the version he once fell in love with—and misses more than he’s admitting.

Second: Use the Distance to Your Advantage

Most wives see the separation as the enemy. I understand why. It’s scary. It feels like the final step before divorce. But sometimes that space can work in your favor.

When my own husband left, I was crushed. I clung, I cried, I did all the things that came from fear. And it only pushed him further. But when I finally let go—when I stopped pushing, took a step back, and focused on my own strength—things slowly started to shift.

He began to wonder about me. To miss me. And eventually, to initiate contact again.

Sometimes the absence is what allows your husband to see you more clearly. The goal isn’t to manipulate or play games. It’s to create space for him to want to come back—not feel guilted into it.

Third: Lead With the Version of You He Fell in Love With

Here’s something I say often because it’s true: You already know the woman your husband loved enough to marry—because you were her.

Maybe she was lighter, more playful. Maybe she listened more and criticized less. Maybe she took care of herself in a way that made her feel confident. Maybe she had goals and hobbies and a spark that drew him in.

It’s easy to lose that version of yourself when life gets hard. Marriage, kids, stress, disappointment—all of it wears on us. But getting back to that woman isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about reconnecting with the parts of you that still exist underneath the pain.

When your husband sees that light come back—not because you’re pretending, but because you’re truly working on healing—it makes a difference. It softens him. It draws him in, slowly, like gravity.

Let Him Feel the Contrast—Not the Pressure

You don’t need to text him constantly. You don’t need to show up at his door or beg for a conversation. If he’s still in your life at all—if there’s any communication left—focus on creating positive, low-pressure interactions that remind him of what’s good between you.

If he’s not initiating? That’s okay. Back off gently. Tend to your own life. Focus on getting grounded again. The stronger and calmer you become, the more he’ll notice. He might not admit it, but he’ll feel it.

Your job isn’t to fix everything in one conversation. It’s to build enough warmth and curiosity that he starts to re-engage. And when he does, you move slowly. Carefully. No big talks right away. No pressure. Just steady, small moments that build back the trust and connection.

When I Thought It Was Over, It Wasn’t

I was in this exact place. My husband had emotionally checked out. I was the only one fighting. He had moved out. I was sure he was never coming back. But things didn’t shift until I stopped trying to pull him home—and started quietly pulling him in.

I did the work. I stopped reacting and started responding. I got real about my part in what had gone wrong. And eventually, I got my marriage back.

You can read more about how I did that on my blog: http://isavedmymarriage.com

It wasn’t instant. And it wasn’t easy. But it was possible. And if there’s still something between you and your husband, then it might still be possible for you, too.

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My Husband Is Leaving Me and He Just Wants to Be Alone

By Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who are blindsided by a husband who claims he’s not leaving for another woman — or out of anger — but because he “just wants to be alone.” At first, that statement can sound like an excuse. It can feel like a soft way of saying, “I don’t want to be married anymore.”

But in some cases, that desire for solitude may actually be real. That doesn’t mean it’s not painful. It doesn’t mean it’s not confusing. And it certainly doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road.

I once spoke with a wife who said:

“It didn’t totally shock me when my husband asked for a separation. He’s always been a bit of a loner. He pulls away emotionally and even avoids contact with his family for months. It’s just how he is. I know he loves me. He tells me he does. But now that we’ve been separated for a couple of weeks, he’s saying he wants to be alone permanently. I asked him point blank if there was someone else, and he insisted there wasn’t. He says he just doesn’t want to interact with another person day in and day out. He claims he’s emotionally drained by constant connection. And the hardest part? He says he still loves me. He still wants a relationship with me. But he wants it on his terms — distant and quiet. I have no idea how to process this. It hurts deeply, but I don’t want to push him away.”

This isn’t the most common scenario I hear about, but it does come up — and more often than you might think.

Some people assume that a husband like this is simply using “wanting to be alone” as a way to let his wife down gently. And yes, sometimes that is the case. But in others, I think he’s being sincere — even if it makes no sense to the wife who still very much wants a connected, shared life.

There really are people who function better with large amounts of solitude. For them, quiet isn’t lonely — it’s peaceful. But sometimes, these same people come to realize, after a while, that solitude isn’t quite as fulfilling as they imagined. It may take weeks. It may take months. But it happens more often than you might think.

So what can you do when your husband claims he wants to be alone — maybe forever — but you still want to hold onto your marriage?

The first instinct is often to argue. To point out how much he’s missing. To explain that human connection is necessary and that no one thrives in isolation. But unfortunately, those kinds of conversations often backfire. They make him feel cornered, or misunderstood, or even more certain that solitude is the safer route.

What tends to work better is patience.

I often advise wives in this position to be present but not pushy. Be warm when you interact. Show him — gently — that connection doesn’t have to be draining. Remind him (with your energy and presence, not with your words) that the marriage can be a source of comfort rather than pressure.

If you’re already separated, then you have an unusual opportunity — a window of time to begin focusing on yourself. As hard as it is, this solo chapter is a chance to rediscover the parts of you that aren’t about your marriage. When I went through something similar, I found that turning my attention inward — toward my own healing, growth, and stability — was what eventually brought my husband back. He noticed the change in me. And slowly, he began to question his decision.

This doesn’t mean you give up. It doesn’t mean you detach emotionally. It simply means you try not to crowd him while still keeping the door open.

Sometimes, even couples who live apart for a while come back together stronger than before. Some find creative arrangements that honor both people’s needs — including some form of alone time.

But for now, if he’s not completely closing the door — if he’s not asking for a divorce — then you still have room to work with.

Be patient. Be kind — to him and to yourself. Show him that your presence soothes rather than drains. Focus on your own growth. And give this space time to shift.

It may not feel like it right now, but this doesn’t have to be the end.

My husband wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with me when he left.  And that continued for some time because I kept getting in my own way. But one day, I found some resources that convinced me that I was going at it all wrong. You can read that story from start to finish at https://isavedmymarriage.com

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Will My Husband Come Back After The Separation? Here’s How To Make Sure That He Does

I sometimes hear from wives who are trying to set it up to have the best chance that their husband is going to come back to them after the separation.  They often ask me how they can tell if he’s actually going to come back.

I often hear comments: “will my husband come back after our separation? How can I make sure that he does?  I miss him so much.  I don’t want to lose him.  He’s staying with some friends and sometimes I think he’s happier apart.  He says he still doesn’t know what he wants or what he has decided about the separation so I’m trying not to push.  But I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t come back.  What is the best plan of attack?”

I will discuss these questions and concerns in the following article.

Setting It Up To Make Sure That You Have The Best Chance Of Him Coming Back After The Separation:  There will come a time during this process where your husband will need to make a decision about where he stands and what he wants to do after the separation.  Usually, he’ll either decide that he needs more time, that he wants to come back to you, or that he wants to go ahead and stay apart and pursue a divorce or perhaps a legal or longer separation.

Obviously, when he goes to make this decision, you want for him to think as favorably about you as is possible.  And, you may have some work to do between that day and this because if you’re separated, it’s probably safe to say that things weren’t going all that great with your marriage right before he left.

So you’ll likely have to change his mind about some things.  And it’s vitally important that you chose those things very wisely. Because while it’s unrealistic to think that you might change his mind on all of your issues and problems, you CAN often change his mind about you and about how he feels about you.

Yes, this can take some doing.  But if you can change his perceptions about you, then you can eventually also change his mind about your problems – and eventually, about your marriage.

Making Your Husband WANT To Come Back After The Separation:  This is really more important than I can possibly express.   Many wives ask for my advice on “making” or “getting” a husband to come back after the separation.  Honestly, this isn’t want you want.

Do you really want him to come back with his head hung low and filled with reluctance?  If he comes back to you this way, do you think this is going to last?  Probably not because you’re both going to know that his heart just isn’t 100% into it.  And so this brings about resentment, and worry, and doubt.

The real goal is to make him to WANT to VERY WILLINGLY come back to you.  I know that these may seem like a tall order, but I promise you that with a little planning and skill, it can be done.

First, you have to get the right attitude.  You don’t want him to think that you’re going to force him to do anything that he doesn’t want.  You want for him to know that you want him to be happy and will give him as much time as he needs for that to happen.  You aren’t going to push him and you aren’t going to come on too strongly.  Don’t use your children or other members of his family for your leverage.  Men hate feeling manipulated and they will not respect you if you stoop to such levels.

I know that it can be VERY difficult to hold back sometimes, especially when you miss him so much.  But please trust me when I say that desperation is literally a repellant for men.  They can almost smell it and many tell me that it is a total turn off.

I strongly feel that you will often have more success if you portray yourself as the confident, strong woman who knows that ultimately you will find your way back to each other.  Part of this confidence means that you create a little mystery.

You certainly don’t want to literally jump every time he calls.  But, when you do interact with him, you want to look your best.  You want to appear busy and vibrant and you want to make sure that you laugh and smile.  You want to remind him of what he loves about you and you want to present the woman that he could look forward to if he came back.

Think about it for a second.  Is he really going to want to come back to a pleading, desperate, or scared woman? He’s more likely to want to come back to a confident, yet loving woman.

Another thing that repels separated husband is trying to “work” on your marital problems too soon.  You want to make sure that you are very strongly bonded again before you even think about attempting this.  Move very slowly while you are still on shaky ground.  And make sure he’s firm on wanting to come back and end the separation before you introduce anything back into the mix.

Admittedly, you’ll eventually have to come back down to reality and work through your issues.  But the time for that can be later, after he’s interested and committed again.

I know that this is a difficult time.  I truly do.  I had to use these tactics when I was separated from my husband.  It took me a long time to learn this lessons and I made many mistakes.  But I eventually was able to regroup and save the marriage.  If it helps, you can read that very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

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How to Make Your Husband Want to Come Back to You on His Own

by: Leslie Cane: If you’re searching for ways to win your husband back, chances are you’re in a place that feels raw and uncertain. Maybe your marriage no longer feels stable. Maybe your husband has already left, or mentioned divorce. Or maybe you just feel a growing distance and fear you’re heading toward the point of no return.

I know what that feels like. I’ve stood exactly where you’re standing now—feeling helpless, overwhelmed, and desperate to fix something that felt like it was slipping out of my hands. But what I learned through trial, error, and a lot of painful growth was this: the way to bring your husband back isn’t by chasing, convincing, or pleading.

The goal isn’t just to get him to stay. The goal is to make him want to come back to you on his own—because he sees something in you, and in the life you shared, that’s worth coming back for.

Let’s talk about how to do that.

Why Desperation Often Backfires (And What to Do Instead)

When a wife feels her marriage unraveling, her first instinct is often to go all in—to text, call, cry, plead, and promise change. We try to remind our husbands of the good times, hoping they’ll remember what once was. Or we try to reassure them of how much we still love them, hoping that will be enough.

I did this too. And in hindsight, I see that my efforts—while coming from love—were being filtered through fear. And that fear made me seem clingy, unstable, and hard to connect with.

The truth? Desperation repels.

Men don’t typically respond to emotional pressure. When we try to show them how broken we are without them, they often pull further away—not because they don’t care, but because they feel overwhelmed, boxed in, or guilty.

The better path is this: communicate your feelings clearly once—without blame or pressure. Let your husband know you love him and that you’d like to work things out. Then, give him space while you work on becoming someone he feels drawn to again.

Return to the Woman He Fell in Love With

This doesn’t mean changing who you are or pretending everything is fine. It means reconnecting with the parts of yourself that may have gotten buried under years of stress, parenting, exhaustion, and resentment.

Think back to when you and your husband first fell in love. You were probably vibrant, curious, and emotionally available. You listened. You laughed. You flirted. You had a spark.

That version of you is still there.

In the early days of a relationship, couples naturally create positive energy. There’s warmth, admiration, and emotional safety. But over time, life piles on: work, bills, kids, responsibilities. You become business partners instead of lovers. And that spark fades.

Reigniting it isn’t about being perfect or pretending. It’s about tapping back into what made you magnetic in the first place—and letting your husband see that version of you again.

Create Positive Energy He’ll Want to Be Around

One of the biggest myths about reconciliation is that it requires constant serious conversations. In reality, it’s not about saying the right thing—it’s about creating the right feeling.

Men—like all people—are drawn to what makes them feel good. And that includes relationships. If you can show your husband that being around you brings peace, warmth, laughter, or familiarity, you make the idea of coming back feel inviting, not pressuring.

So stop trying to prove something. Start being someone he wants to spend time with again.

  • Spend time with friends who lift you up.

  • Reconnect with old hobbies that made you light up.

  • Take care of your body—not for him, but because you deserve to feel good.

  • Be the kind of person you enjoy being around.

Don’t underestimate the power of shared acquaintances either. If mutual friends see you out living well, laughing, and carrying yourself with quiet confidence, those stories will reach your husband. And they may spark curiosity.

The Truth About Emotional Attraction

Here’s a hard truth: many wives fear that they’ve “lost” their husband to another woman or to indifference. But emotional attraction can be rebuilt.

You don’t have to be younger, prettier, or flashier. You just have to help him feel something again—about himself, and about you.

In my case, I realized that my husband didn’t fall out of love with me. He fell out of love with how he felt when he was around me. That was a painful truth to face—but it also gave me a path forward. I stopped chasing. I stopped begging. And I started healing.

And when I did, the energy between us shifted.

Love Yourself Enough to Let Go of Control

This is the hardest part: accepting that you can’t force your husband to return. You can only create the conditions where coming back feels like his idea.

He needs to choose you—freely, clearly, and with his eyes open.

And that means you have to loosen your grip. Stop trying to control the outcome. Focus instead on becoming someone you respect and admire. Someone who, even in heartbreak, chooses dignity, kindness, and growth.

Whether he returns or not, you win. Because you are rising.

My Story (And Why I Know This Can Work)

I used to think saving a marriage meant long talks, tearful confessions, and proving my worth. But all of that only pushed my husband further away.

It was only when I stopped trying to “convince” him—and started focusing on becoming the best version of myself—that things began to change. I became lighter. Happier. More fun to be around. And he noticed.

Slowly, his heart softened. And one day, almost out of nowhere, he started reaching out. Wanting to talk. Wanting to reconnect. Not because I pulled—but because I became someone worth walking toward again.

It wasn’t easy. It took time. But it worked. (I tell you step by step how I did it at https://isavedmymarriage.com)

If your husband is distant, uncertain, or even says he wants out, don’t panic. And don’t try to fix it overnight.

Let him feel your strength, your peace, and your quiet confidence. Let him see that while you love him, you also love yourself. That kind of self-assuredness is deeply magnetic.

Let him miss you—not because you’ve disappeared, but because you’ve reconnected with the part of yourself that made him fall in love in the first place.

He may not return right away. He may not even know what’s drawing him back. But if you commit to this path, you just might find him inching closer—and eventually choosing his way home. To see how I used this strategy and it worked, click here.

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The Right Way to Ask Your Husband to Give Your Marriage Another Try

By: Leslie Cane: When your marriage feels like it’s hanging by a thread, and you’re the only one trying to tie the ends back together, it’s terrifying. Maybe your spouse has asked for a break. Maybe the word “divorce” has already come up. Or maybe something happened—something you wish with all your heart you could take back—and now you’re hoping your spouse will forgive you and give the marriage another chance.

No matter where you are in this painful process, I want to offer some encouragement and some perspective. Because I do believe there is a right way to ask for a second chance—a way that gives you the best possible shot at being truly heard, and maybe even at rebuilding what you once had.

What Not to Do When You Ask for Another Chance

When you feel your spouse slipping away, it’s normal to panic. It’s normal to want to fix it—now. But unfortunately, this urgency often leads people to act in ways that feel overwhelming or desperate. Repeated calls or texts. Over-explaining. Begging. Getting angry or trying to guilt your spouse into staying.

I’ve seen it happen so many times, and I’ve been there myself. The problem is, these reactions tend to push your spouse even further away. They create more tension and more emotional distance. They also make it harder for your spouse to see the person they fell in love with—the calm, steady, loving partner who made them feel safe and understood.

Instead of reacting in fear, focus on responding with dignity, clarity, and calm. That alone can set you apart—and give your spouse a reason to actually listen.

What to Say (and How to Say It) When You Want to Try Again

Before you ask your spouse for another chance, take a breath and try to see things from their point of view. What are they likely feeling right now? Are they hurt? Angry? Shut down? Exhausted? Can you understand, even just a little, what brought them to this point?

This is not about assigning blame. It’s about showing empathy. And empathy is often the first thing that softens a hardened heart.

When you do talk to your spouse, make your words specific and genuine. Don’t just say, “I’m sorry.” Say, “I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s happened between us. I realize I haven’t been listening to you the way I should have, and I understand why you’re upset. You have every right to feel the way you do.”

Then—and this is key—ask how they’re feeling. Invite them to talk, and really listen. Don’t interrupt, defend, or correct. Let them know that you’re here not to win an argument, but to reconnect.

If it feels right, you can say something like:
“I still believe in us. I’m not asking for everything to magically go back to the way it was. I’m just asking if you’d be open to giving us a little more time, with no pressure, so we can see if there’s anything worth rebuilding here. I want to be someone you feel happy with again.”

If They Pull Away (Or Don’t Answer Right Away)

Don’t panic if your spouse doesn’t respond right away—or if their answer isn’t what you hoped for. That’s okay. You’ve planted a seed. And pushing too hard for an immediate decision will only damage what you’re trying to save.

Instead, start showing—day by day, action by action—that the version of yourself you’ve promised to be isn’t just talk. Stay consistent. Be patient. Communicate calmly and respectfully when the opportunity arises. Let your spouse see the very best of you—without strings attached.

Remember: your spouse already loved you once. That love doesn’t disappear overnight. It may be buried under frustration or fear, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone forever.

Keep Moving Forward, No Matter What

Even if you start to see progress, resist the urge to rush. Focus first on reconnecting emotionally—sharing lighthearted, positive moments together. Over time, those small, good moments can become the building blocks of something stronger than what you had before.

And once your relationship feels stable enough, make sure you address the deeper issues that brought you to this place. That’s how lasting change happens—by healing, not just patching.

My Story: I had to walk this same path myself. I made a lot of mistakes. But I also learned how to shift my approach, and I eventually saved my marriage. You can read my story on my blog at isavedmymarriage.com.

You’re not alone. Many women, including myself, have dealt with this. And this may not be the end of your story—just the start of a new chapter.

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How to Get Your Husband to Listen to You When He Wants a Divorce (But You Don’t)

By Leslie Cane: One of the most heartbreaking messages I receive from readers goes something like this: “Help! My husband says he wants a divorce, but I don’t. He’s emotionally checked out, won’t talk to me, and won’t even listen when I try to save our marriage. What can I do before it’s too late?”

If this sounds like your situation, please know you are far from alone. Many women find themselves in this painful place—desperately wanting to save their marriage while their husband seems to be blocking every attempt at connection. The more he pulls away, the harder you try… and the more desperate those efforts can become. I understand. I’ve been there.

But there’s something important I’ve learned—both from my own experience and from countless conversations with women (and men) going through this. When your husband is convinced he wants out, the typical approaches—pleading, overexplaining, chasing, arguing, or bargaining—often backfire. In fact, these things may be pushing him further away.

So, what does help? Let’s talk about how to truly get through to him—and how to shift the conversation in a way he’s finally able to hear.

Why Your Husband Isn’t Listening Right Now

When your husband is done talking, it usually isn’t because he doesn’t have anything to say—it’s because he doesn’t think saying it will change anything. He may have mentally checked out not because he doesn’t care, but because he’s tired of having the same arguments or hearing the same promises he doesn’t believe anymore.

Men in this position often tell me:
“We’ve been here before. She says it’ll change. It never does.”
“I don’t want to fight anymore. I just want peace.”
“No matter what I say, she just tries to fix it or talk me out of it.”

In other words, it’s not that they can’t hear you. It’s that they’ve already decided they won’t. Because in their mind, the outcome is already written.

That’s why if you want to change your husband’s mind about the divorce, you have to change the way you approach him. Not louder. Not more often. Differently.

How to Get Him to Hear You (Step One: Change What You’re Saying)

You don’t need to convince your husband to listen. You just need to make what you’re saying worth hearing. That starts with something completely unexpected: agreement.

Now, hear me out. I’m not saying you have to agree to the divorce. I’m not saying you’re giving up or that you don’t have a voice. I’m saying that instead of fighting him on every point, you pivot. You acknowledge what’s true for him.

Say something like:
“You’re right. Our marriage hasn’t been easy lately. I know you’ve felt unhappy, and I understand that this hasn’t been working for you.”

Or even:
“I can see why you feel like walking away might be the only option right now. I hate that we’re here, but I respect your honesty.”

Why does this work? Because it lowers his defenses. Suddenly, you’re not trying to change his mind. You’re trying to understand it. And that’s when the door cracks open.

Now That He’s Listening… Don’t Try to Convince Him

This part might feel the hardest—but it’s also the most powerful: Don’t try to fix it yet.

Don’t jump into solutions. Don’t pressure him to stay. Don’t list all the reasons you can make it work. Instead, gently focus on emotional connection. Show him—through your actions, not your words—that things can feel different.

Rebuild positive experiences between you without the weight of expectation. Be kind. Be consistent. Be calm. Don’t demand anything from him right now except the opportunity to create small, genuine moments of peace and warmth.

This isn’t manipulation—it’s healing. And in time, he may find himself drawn back to the woman who makes him feel safe and understood.

Let Him Lead the Pace—Even If It Feels Too Slow

Once he begins opening up—even a little—it’s crucial not to rush. That eagerness you feel? It’s natural. But trying to force progress will only send him retreating again.

Let him take the lead. If he wants to talk, listen. If he wants space, give it. If he’s willing to spend time together, make that time feel positive and light.

Avoid heavy conversations about the marriage for now. Focus on what’s working. Focus on small moments of connection. You are rebuilding trust, one quiet moment at a time.

Why This Works—And Why It Lasts

Here’s the truth: the most lasting change doesn’t come from persuasion. It comes from inspiration. When your husband starts feeling the shift—when he starts seeing a different version of you and your marriage—he may begin to question the divorce all on his own.

That’s the real key: letting him arrive at the decision himself. Because when he decides to stay—not out of guilt, but out of hope—you have a much better chance at rebuilding a strong, lasting connection.

You’re Not Alone—And You’re Not Powerless

I know how helpless this feels. I made many of these same mistakes when I was fighting for my own marriage. But once I stopped trying to convince my husband and started truly connecting with him, everything began to change.

Eventually, I not only saved my marriage—I helped it grow into something stronger than it had ever been before.

You can read the full story of how I turned things around here: http://isavedmymarriage.com

And wherever you are in your journey, know this: You have more influence than you think. But it doesn’t come from trying harder. It comes from trying differently.

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