Signs That Your Husband Still Loves You During The Separation
By: Leslie Cane: I know from experience that one of the things that takes up most of your thoughts when you are separated is wondering whether or not your husband still loves you. To that end, you almost become detective – like, always looking for clues that might indicate that, although you are separated right now, he still feels love for you. Because if he still loves you, doesn’t this increase the odds that you will eventually reconcile or get back together?
To demonstrate, I might hear a comment like: “I hate to be one of those wives who are overly clingy during my trial separation. But I guess I am becoming one. Because I am always looking at his behaviors and his actions that might be indicative of love. If he hugs me, I wonder what he means by this. If he compliments me, I wonder if it is a good sign. Sometimes, I find some things that give me hope, but other times, I feel like he is just trying to be nice. What are some signs that your separated spouse still loves you?”
It’s difficult to give universal signs because every husband’s personality is different. My husband didn’t give me a lot of the signs that I am going to list below, but he apparently did still love me because, after I tried some new strategies, we did eventually reconcile and we are still going strong. I mention this because I don’t want for you to think that your husband definitely doesn’t care anymore if you don’t recognize any of the signs below.
But, I do get a lot of correspondence from people who eventually reconcile that indicate the same behaviors over and over. Even though I’m going to list some of those, I do want to stress that not seeing these doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t love you. It may mean that he isn’t demonstrating it. He could be trying to push down or deny his feelings. Or, he could be trying to keep you from seeing them. At least for right now.
He Still Shows Concern For Your Wellbeing: Sometimes, wives find their separated husbands still taking care of household chores or spending money on things that she wants or needs. Or, she might see concern on his face when they chat or visit. The thing is, despite our very common fears, love doesn’t stop, end, or pause just because you separate or take a break. Some men are better about demonstrating this love than others. But even men who are trying to hold back will often show their love by still wanting to take care of things for you. So, you might notice that he’s still taking care of his part of household chores and expenses and that he regularly asks about how you are doing and wanting to make sure that you are OK.
He’s Trying To Gauge Your Feelings Or Your Lifestyle: Men who are indifferent to their wives generally don’t care what their wife is doing or feeling. You don’t see them becoming angry or asking their kids what mommy is doing on Friday nights. Many angry wives contact me because their separated husband is demanding to know what they are doing and acting jealous. These same wives are understandably confused and a little frustrated because he was the one who wanted the separation and yet suddenly he is demanding answers from her. I understand the frustration. But this can honestly be a good sign. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t be showing curiosity or jealousy.
Despite His Best Efforts, He Gives You Loving Gestures: Many separated husbands are on their guard. They aren’t sure what they are feeling and they don’t want to send you mixed signals or confuse you. Even still, many husbands who still love their wives can’t help demonstrating loving gestures, even if they are very subtle. It could be brushing your back. Smiling at you. Or even opening your car door. Anything that is demonstrative of caring feelings can be a good sign.
Some Signs That Seem To Show He Doesn’t Care Can Mean Just The Opposite: Some men are well aware that they still love their wives but they are trying to deny or repress these feelings. Some men admit that, at least for right now, they wish that they didn’t still love their wives, but they know that they do.
So he may push you away, say mean things, not come around, or act downright rude to you. But that is just his attempt to keep you at a distance because he is trying to sort out his feelings and he finds the whole process overwhelming. I’m sorry if all of this is confusing. But a separation is a confusing time. Some men are pretty transparent with their feelings. Others try to deny them or keep them hidden.
Generally speaking, if you are seeing very negative emotions from him, it’s not always a horrible sign. Strong emotions are indicative of emotions, which is good. I am more worried when I hear about a husband who is indifferent. Because not caring at all is probably not loving at all.
As I alluded to, my husband didn’t show many of these signs. He was trying to project an image of uncaring. His jealousy was the first sign that he did in fact care. But I read the signs all wrong. If it helps, you can read more of my story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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