Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: I often hear from wives who are trying to gauge if things are looking positive or hopeful during their separation.  Many will recount details and ask me if they are seeing signs that are good or bad or which might indicate that there’s a better or worse chance that the two of them will reconcile or get back together.

I recently heard from a wife whose husband had been telling her that he would always love her, but he still wasn’t making any moves to come back home.  She said, in part:  “I’ve been trying to stay positive and upbeat.  And this has helped a lot because I’ve noticed that when I do this, he reaches out more and he’s not so reluctant to be around me.  The other day, we were laughing about something and having a really nice time together and out of the blue he said: ‘you know that I will always love you, right?’  I didn’t want to break the spell by asking a lot of questions or overreacting so I smiled and said, ‘well, I’ll always love you too.’  But I’d hoped that this might be the start of things changing between us and him considering coming home and reconciling.  But that hasn’t happened.  Although we’re still having a good time together, he hasn’t called off the separation or even tried to move our relationship toward something more permanent.  I just don’t understand it.  Wouldn’t it be a good sign if he told me he will always love me? But yet, it hasn’t seemed to make a difference?  Was he just trying to be nice?  Why would he say that to me if he wasn’t going to act on it?” I’ll try to address some of these questions in the following article.

It Can Be A Good Sign If Your Husband Is Telling You That He Will Always Love You During The Separation, But You Can’t Always Make Assumptions As To What This Really Means: It can feel really good to hear him say that he’ll always love you no matter what.  And this is certainly better than him denying that he feels any love for you at all (which can sometimes happen.)  Him being comfortable enough around you and feeling positively enough toward you to declare his love for you can certainly be a good sign that things are going well and that the two of you are connecting.  But, this declaration doesn’t always mean that he’s sure that he wants to get back together or that he wants to end the separation.  There are actually many reasons that a husband might tell you that he’ll always love you, even when you’re separated.  I’ll discuss some of the most common of these reasons below.

He Might Be Saying That He Will Always Love You Because He’s Caught Up In The Moment, Is Having Legitimate Feelings, And Wants To Share Them With You: There are times when a husband will tell his wife that he will always love her during a separation because of guilt feelings or to let her know that although things didn’t or aren’t going to work out, he will always think of her positively.  This is his way of telling you that your marriage, your love, and your time together wasn’t a waste – and that it mattered.

Sometimes it goes beyond this though.  Sometimes, when things are going well between you and you’ve both let down your guard, aren’t focusing on your present problems, and are just enjoying each other’s company, your husband might be feeling the same things that you are – that connection and chemistry between you.  He may not be thinking too deeply when he blurts out his feelings.   And, yes, this is a very positive sign.  It means that he can and does still have romantic or loving feelings and this can be the foundation for getting back together and turning things around.  But, I have to tell you that this isn’t automatic.  Husbands separate or get divorced every day from wives that they still love very much because they don’t think that things can or will work out or change.

Him Still Loving You ( Or Declaring That He Will Always Love You) Doesn’t Always Mean That The Separation Is Over Or That You Will Immediately Save Your Marriage Unless You Take Action: Unfortunately, in some real-life situations, love isn’t always enough. Just continuing to love one another doesn’t always mean that your marriage is going to work out or be saved in the end.  In order for this to happen, both of you need to believe that you love each other AND that this love can be the foundation for real changes and adjustments that make the marriage one that you both want to continue on with.

There are countless separated or divorced couples that will freely admit (often quite sadly) that they still love each other very much, and yet, despite this, they just couldn’t (or can’t) make it work.  So while him still loving you or saying that he will always love you can be a very good sign that you should build on, it’s not the only thing that is needed.  However, you certainly can (and should) use this as the inspiration to begin to get to work to change your husband’s perceptions and to overcome his reluctance.

The wife in this situation was right not to immediately get all excited, press for more details, or ask a lot of questions.  Doing so will often make a husband sorry that he said anything at all.  Instead, I felt that she should continue right on with what she was doing because obviously, it was working somewhat.  She should also place some of her focus on determining what were her husband’s most persuasive reservations about getting back together and then try to change those (in a not too obvious way.)

So yes, this all can be very encouraging.  But don’t make the mistake of thinking that his love for you automatically means your marriage is saved.  While it can mean that your marriage has the potential to be saved, this often isn’t automatic.

My husband and I were both pretty clear on the fact that we still loved each other, but for a long time, we just couldn’t make it work and we separated.  For way too long, I let my fears and doubts inspire my actions and this made things much worse.  Eventually, I decided to play it differently. As the result, I was able to not only restore my husband’s love but to save our marriage. You can read more about how I was able to do this on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/.

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