Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: Many separated wives have the goal of making their husbands regret leaving them. They figure if he sees leaving as a mistake, he’ll come back home to undo that same mistake. When he does, they will reconcile.

But many of the wives are disappointed when they don’t see any regret as the days and weeks go by.

One may say, “I will admit, when my husband told me that he was leaving, I responded that he was going to miss me and that he would regret leaving. And I honestly thought that this was true. But it’s been five weeks, and he’s showing absolutely no signs of regret. Instead, he acts as if he is having the time of his life, and he never wants to come home. Some of our friends tell me that I just need to be patient, but I am starting to doubt this. I am starting to believe that I have grossly miscalculated. And I’m wondering what happens if he never has regret? Will we just get divorced? Will he always be happy to be rid of me? When do men regret leaving?”

In my honest opinion, it depends. I can tell you that in my case, my husband’s regret took so much longer than I anticipated or wanted. And part of that was my fault. But part of it was not.

Below, I’ll list what I think influences when your husband experiences regret after he leaves home. Hopefully, this will help you determine when you might expect it.

Your Behavior Is Going To Directly Affect When He Regrets Leaving: It took me way too long to figure out and/or admit that my actions and behaviors influenced when (and if) my husband would regret leaving.

Spoiler alert – When you tell a man he’s going to regret leaving you, then he is going to be determined to prove you wrong.

And when you try to make him feel guilty, mistaken, or cruel, then he’s simply going to want to avoid you instead of wishing he was back.

I honestly felt like if I left my husband alone for even a short time, I was going to lose him.

So I made a complete pest of myself. And my husband most definitely was in no hurry to come back or regret his decision.

Instead, he was probably relieved that he had a break from me.

So, if you want him to regret leaving, you have to make sure that your actions and behaviors make him want to come back.

His Regret May Depend in Part on His Motivation to Reconcile Eventually: A husband leaving can be tricky. Some husbands sincerely see this as a temporary situation. They truly want to save their marriages eventually.

And others would only consider coming back if something happened to change their mind.

If your husband falls into the latter category, you may have to work a bit harder to get him open to a reconciliation.

But if he leaves knowing that there are plenty of things he still values – your home, your kids, your long-term familiar relationship, then he may feel regret sooner than the husband who just wants to “wait and see” how he feels.

That’s assuming that things go well between you and don’t deteriorate too badly from the jump.

The Timeline of His Regret May Well Depend in Part on How Quickly (and Convincingly) Things Change: Even though your husband may not spell this out for you, he likely is waiting to see some specific changes. Once he sees them, he will feel more secure in believing that the situation will be substantially better if he comes home.

The faster you can bring about genuine changes, the faster this process can take place.

But notice I said genuine changes. This is harder than it may seem. Because your husband knows you want him home as soon as possible. He knows you’re going to do everything in your power to make him believe things have changed.

That’s why you must be careful that any changes you present to him are genuine and lasting.

He May Feel Regret Sooner if He Sees You Conduct Yourself with Dignity that Places you Above Reproach: I’ve seen plenty of husbands feel regret when they realize that their wive is acting like a mature adult with a workable plan while he is acting like a pouting child.

There are plenty of landmines you must avoid when you’re separated. This can be more challenging than it seems. But you must become very good at being diplomatic, easy-going, accommodating, and receptive.

I know that these are tough things to ask of you right now. Both you and your husband may struggle with these behaviors. But if you manage them, you may find your husband regretting the separation. Because who can find fault with someone like that?

If he looks around and realizes that he can find absolutely no fault with your behavior, he may begin to wonder why such drastic action as a separation was necessary.

Or he may become more willing to explore ways to bring you closer rather than further away.

He Suddenly Sees You as You Used to Be: It’s time for brutal honesty. And I know that this may be painful. But it’s also necessary. Think for a second about the woman your husband fell in love with. Remember how she used to laugh. And was fun to be around. And was easy going. And was always willing to listen without judgment.

Now think about the version of you that your husband is getting right now. If you’re honest, you’ll probably admit that there are differences between the two versions. It’s very important to show your husband that the same woman is as close as your home.

And she’s willing to come back out. In fact, she wants to. He could have her if he’d only go home. But he chose to leave. How regretful do you think he’s going to be when this realization hits him?

Probably quite a lot. But before this can happen, you have to show him that woman. You have to convince him that she’s still present. Yes, I know you’ll have to choose the right time. And yes, I know you’ll have to spend some time finding her again.

But you have time, right?

So there’s no time like the present. The sooner you find her, the sooner he will feel regret.

Notice I didn’t give you a particular time frame. I wish I could. But it varies greatly. My separation took far too long. (You can read about the whole thing at https://isavedmymarriage.com

But most of that was on me. I’ve seen separations end in a matter of a few weeks or months.

It truly just depends. And I firmly believe it does depend on what happens during that separation.

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