Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: Most of the time, my perception is that the readers of this blog are women. Although I have no way of knowing the gender of someone when they visit this site, I do notice that many of the people who reach out to me with a question or comment are women.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t ever hear from men, though. I do.

And that doesn’t mean that men don’t come to this site. They do.

Plenty of Men Want to Save Their Marriages, Too: Sometimes I suspect that many of my women readers would be surprised at some of the comments I hear from men.

Honestly, if I were to swap out the pronouns and omit names, you might have to guess the gender of the author of some of the correspondence that I receive.

What I mean by this is that men hurt during separations and marital difficulties too. And they name the same issues that wives have during the separation.

Men are confused about their best course of action also.

Plenty of husbands reach out over wives who want out of their marriages, who cheat, or who want some space or time apart.

Can Women Act Like Men During A Separation?: I recently heard from a male who said that, although he found my articles helpful, he wondered if specifically wrote them for women.

He wanted to take some of my words to heart, but he didn’t know if the words would apply to his wife.

Basically, he wanted to know if he could swap out the tips I give for wives with unhappy husbands and use them for husbands with unhappy wives.

I believe that you absolutely can and here is why.

We often stereotypically think that women act differently than men.

Sometimes, it is hard for us to think that it could be the wife who is distant, non-receptive, or wanting to end the marriage.

But I can tell you that there are many variations of couples who want different things at different times.

Sometimes the husband wants out.

Sometimes the wife wants out.

And sometimes they are both unhappy.

It just varies just like marriages vary.

But yes, women can absolutely be the driving force behind the struggling or ending of a marriage.

Should You Handle an Unhappy or Separated Wife in the Way that You Handle a Separated Husband?: The husband that I mentioned above wondered if the tips I offer to approach separated husbands would work for a separated wife.

My answer is that it depends on the person. And this is true for husbands and wives or men and women.

People have different personalities.

But generally speaking, I have found from my own separation and from speaking with many people that you will generally have more success if you try your best to treat your spouse with respect and to make progress on the most important issues as your situation will allow.

If you push, argue, come on too strong, act desperate, debate too aggressively, or tell your spouse that they are selfish or wrong, then you may well hurt your cause no matter what your gender.

But if you are willing to have some patience, truly do the work, understand the real issues, and move at a reasonable pace, you’re more likely to have success.

If a Husband is Trying to Get his Wife Back, is He Weak?: Another topic that comes up is whether, if a husband tries different methods to get his wife or marriage back, is he weak or acting like a woman?

I would answer this with an empathic no. I think I’ve already all but said that there’s no need to stereotype behaviors in this situation.

Men can love just as deeply as women. Men therefore miss or long for their separated wives just as much.

And they are just as invested in their marriages when things go wrong.

So no, anyone who is motivated to try to save their relationship with the most important person in their lives can most definitely hold their heads up high.

It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you invested. And committed. And that is what you signed up for the day you got married.

The Bottom Line: To answer the question posed, I believe that in the majority of cases, you could substitute “wife” for “husband” and the article would still be accurate.

I do believe that people can act similar to one another when they are scared, unhappy, or restless.

Most people who want to exit or pause their marriages report similar feelings to one another.

And people who ask for space and don’t get it are often frustrated regardless of gender.

The partners left behind are often confused, scared, and lonely no matter if they are a man or woman.

I still feel that it is usually going to benefit the partner who wants to save the marriage if you prioritize yourself, show your spouse the person they fell in love with, and move at the pace that your partner is willing to go.

Emotions and motivations can be universal. I hope this has helped. I would not want someone of either gender to not feel included.

Although I the articles them from a woman’s perspective because that is mostly who I hear from and I myself am female, the articles are there for everyone and anyone who can get something out of them.

And no matter whether you are a husband or a wife, if you are reading this, I hope you to hang in there.  I think you for coming. And I hope something here has helped you.  You can read more about the time in my life I’m talking about above at https://isavedmymarriage.com

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