My Husband Has Always Been The One. And He Is Leaving Me
By: Leslie Cane: Most of us marry our husbands thinking that he is “the one.” Very few of us get married with any back up plan in mind. We simply assume that our marriage is going to be a happy one and, therefore, will be our last. We assume that if we are lucky, we will remain happily married for the rest of our lives so that we do not have to make any contingencies – at least as far as our personal life goes.
But of course, we all know that life does not always turn out how we planned. Sometimes, our husband tells us that he is not as happy as we are and that he wants to change the face of our marriage. Sometimes this includes a separation or break in the marriage. To say that this shakes your life to its core is a drastic understatement. Not to sound overly dramatic, but a marital separation can make you question your life and your place in the world. Nothing seems the same after this reality hits you.
Someone might explain it this way: “I am so lost since my husband told me that he is leaving. I had to kiss a whole lot of frogs before I got to my prince. Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship with a noncommittal man for five years. I thought this man was the one, but I had no idea how destructive that relationship was until I met my husband. I had never been in a healthy relationship before and it was like a breath of fresh air. I had no idea what it was like to truly be with ‘the one’ before I met my husband. We’ve had several wonderful years. We have been happy. But then we had some back luck strike us and we were challenged like never before. This taxed our marriage and I don’t think we ever recovered. I just tried to have faith in our love, but apparently, this is not enough. Last night, my husband informed me that he’s going to stay away for a while because he thinks that we need a break. He did not specify where he would be or for how long he would be gone. I am so despondent over this. I feel like I am going to lose the love of my life and I am not sure how I will handle that. I was so relieved that I finally got a chance at true love. But now I have lost it. I feel like I’ve done something wrong, but I’m not sure what.”
Your feelings are completely normal. After my husband left me, I most definitely went through a grieving process. I felt like life as I knew it was over. And for a while, it sort of was. But after a while, you realize that the sun still rises and sets and that the world outside of your window keeps spinning and so you have to go on.
Plus, a husband leaving doesn’t necessarily mean a divorce. I know that it seems that way at the time. But many times, the husband eventually changes his mind or the couple are able to work it out. I don’t think that you have to automatically assume that just because he has asked for a break, it means that he is going to be gone forever. I know that it FEELS that way, but it doesn’t have to be the reality.
Sometimes, the time apart actually does work for you. Or, even if it doesn’t, you are able to work through the issues so that you are able to eventually salvage your marriage. In this case, your husband may well be reacting to the stress that has plagued your lives and your marriage for some time. In many cases, stressors have a way of eventually being worked out. If that is the case, there is every chance that your marriage can recover.
This is not the time to give up or to assume that you have lost the man who you know is “the one” at the first sign of trouble. Believe me, I know how difficult this situation is and how easy it is to be discouraged. I am generally a positive person, but after my husband left and during my separation, I did feel very depressed at times. I had to be very mindful about putting one foot in front of the other and to keep up with other things that were important to me. I got very down some of the time. And I was tempted to give up at times, especially since my husband did not seem invested in our marriage anymore.
But today, I’m very glad I stuck it out because like you, I knew that my husband was the one. By no means am I saying that every marriage that has to endure a separation can be saved. Not all can. But many can. And there is no reason to assume that your marriage won’t be one of these. Yes, you may have to have patience. And you may have to work hard to save your marriage or get some counseling or self help. But all of these things are doable. None of them are impossible. If he is the one, isn’t he worth fighting for?
I never regretted fighting for my husband and for my marriage. It was not easy, but it was the right call. You can read more on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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