Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: Many people don’t know what is holding their marriage together after their children have gone or left the home. Often, they have worked very hard to stay together for the kids or have banded together to create a strong family more for their children than for themselves. But sometimes, when those same children have left, the parents can look at each other, see a stranger staring back at them, and wonder what is left. Many begin to wonder if it is even necessary or desirable to stay married at this point. After all, it’s possible that the whole reason they stayed together in the first place has just walked out the door or become an adult. Sometimes, they feel as if they have done their duty and now it’s time for them to be happy. And, there are times when they suspect that they might be happier if they weren’t married.

A wife might confess: “our marriage has been stale for many years. We never talked about it, but I think that subconsciously, we stayed together for the sake of our kids. We both come from divorced homes and we know the pain that comes from being brought up in a broken family. So, we vowed that our kids would never go through that. And I’m proud that we hung together like we did because it was the right thing to do. Our kids are wonderful people. They are successful, well adjusted and kind. But they are both in college and so I can’t help but wonder what is the point of staying married? I mean, why should we stay together when our children are grown up and out of the house and our marriage is stale?”

These are all valid questions, and I can think of a few answers. But of course, I can’t make a decision or suggestion about someone else’s marriage. That’s a very individual decision. I did decide to save my marriage and I do believe that if it is all possible, this is the preferable thing to do. So realize that my viewpoint is definitely based on my belief that you should try to salvage your marriage if you can. Below, I will tell you some reasons that I think you might consider staying married once your kids are grown.

It Will Be Easier To Spice Up Your Marriage Than It Would Have Been With Kids Under Foot. And Frankly, Your Children Could Have Been Part Of The Reason The Marriage Went Stale: To be quite honest, the newly empty nest can be the best time of your married life. You often no longer need or have to take responsibility for anyone other than yourself. And, you’re more likely to be at a time in your life when you aren’t dealing with financial issues. In short, you might finally be at the point in your life when you have the time and the means to do what you have finally been wanting to do.

I do understand that you may not feel connected to your spouse. I get that you might feel that the chemistry is gone. But you know what? It can be reignited. With some attention, effort, and time, you can get it back. You finally have the house all to yourself. Your responsibility is to no one but yourself. In short, there will be no better time than to turn your attention back to your marriage, improve it and then enjoy it.

Throwing Away Someone With Whom You Have So Much History Is Not A Decision To Be Taken Lightly: I know that you may feel as if your husband is a stranger right now, but if you can resurrect your marriage and rediscover each other, you will often find that the history and the time that you have spent together is actually a blessing to you. People often tell me that there’s nothing new with their spouse, but once your marriage improves you can often flip that around and realize that there’s comfort in being with someone who knows you so very well and who has walked with you through the many phases of life.

Believe me when I say that starting over can be very daunting, lonely, and many people admit that they are no happier single than they were married. And sometimes, even dating again isn’t nearly as exciting or liberating as you might have thought.

Of course, there are going to be rare occasions when you try your best to reignite and then save your marriage but you just aren’t able to do so. And if that’s the case, at least you know that you tried. However, I think that trying is preferable than giving up on something and someone with whom you have already invested so much time and effort.

Whether You Stay Married Or Not, your Family Still Needs You To Be Supportive Of One Another: People often believe that once their children are grown or on their own, they no longer need their parents or their family’s support. That just is not true. Studies have shown that college students are affected when their parents get divorced. Sure, it doesn’t change their life the way that it would have if they were small children, but your child will always be your child. Christmases, birthdays and major holidays when you have to split them up among your parents are difficult no matter what your age. It can be a mistake to assume that your adult children no longer see a united family as important.

Again, this article is not meant to make you feel bad if you ultimately decide that you have tried but you just couldn’t make it work. But, it is meant to give the wife in this article answers as to why people might stay married after their children are grown and or out of the house.

No matter what the reason for it, I’m glad I saved my marriage. Our relationship is wonderfully different than it was when he felt like a stranger to me. And I’m so very grateful that I get to share my life with someone with whom I have such history. If it helps, you can read about how I saved my marriage on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

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