Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: Of all of the strategies that I’m asked about by wives attempting to lure their husbands back home, making him miss you so much that he can’t wait to return is the most common.  Wives often aren’t sure quite how to pull this off without appearing too desperate or obvious.  I heard from a wife who said: “my husband left about three weeks ago.  He said that he just wasn’t happy and he needed time to evaluate how he wants to proceed with our marriage.  Needless to say, I was heartbroken but no matter what I did or said, he indicated that he was leaving anyway and that there was no way to change his mind.  We do speak somewhat regularly.  He checks in with me, but he doesn’t give me any hints about what he is thinking.  And he never mentions coming home.  Frankly, this is what is most important to me.  I want him home where he belongs.  I also try to hint around to see if he will say that he misses me and wants to come home, but he never does.  How do I make him miss me more than he does? How do I make him miss me enough that he wants to come home.”

I had a definite and very strong opinion on this because I was in this exact situation and I felt very strongly that if I could make my separated husband miss me and yearn for me enough, he would finally come home.  But I found through my own experience that the harder I tried, the more he resisted.  I did eventually get him to miss me quite a bit, but it wasn’t until I almost gave up my very obvious plan that things turned around.  It’s my experience that actively trying to make him miss you will often accomplish just the opposite.  But taking a very unconventional approach often works much better.  I will explain more below.

Often, If It’s Obvious You’re Trying To Make Him Miss You, He Will Be Less Likely To Do So:  Many wives will do their best to make themselves appear attractive to their husband.  Some will even attempt to make him feel jealous or will hint that other men are trying to pursue them.  Still other wives will try to elicit guilt or they will make all sorts of promises as to what positive things he can expect if he just comes home.  The common denominator between all of these potentially failing plans is that the husband is very likely to know that he’s being manipulated.  As such, he is going to be tempted to doubt the validity of what you are trying to present to him.  And these doubts may well keep him from missing you all that much because he is confused as to what is real and what is not.

I know that this can be very frustrating.  And it can leave you wondering that if you’re not supposed to actively try to get him to miss you, then where does that leave you.  I’ll cover that topic now.

The Better Alternative.  How To Make Him Miss You While Not Making Your Plan Obvious: If you lean on him to see what he’s missing or are constantly asking him how he’s feeling about you, then you’re only assuring his resistance.  These questions make him uncomfortable so he may well think that it is in his best interest to avoid you.   And, while you may know that you shouldn’t try so hard, you often won’t be sure what you should do as an alliterative.  Well, it’s my experience that once you stop trying so hard, you will actually gain some ground.  As strange as it sounds, once you begin to live your life without the sense of desperation or panic that comes with making your sole focus getting him home, he will often notice this and eventually may miss you more than he might have if missing you was your sole focus.

I understand that this might not be what you want to hear.  But I would rather tell you something that will actually help you get him back home than something that sounds good but is essentially ineffective.  I literally had almost given up on my husband once he began to suddenly take notice.  And frankly, he began to take notice (and to miss me) because I suddenly backed away.  He could not help but notice that suddenly I was no longer constantly calling or asking about his feelings or wondering aloud how much he missed me.  I will very openly admit that this wasn’t my intention in the beginning.  It wasn’t a conscious or calculating plan.  I became so tired of not getting the results that I wanted that I took a break. And this is what made the difference.  Once I took that break, the silence had him questioning what I was up to.  And this is when he started to miss me.  Had I known that the end result would have been so easy, I would not have wasted all the time that I did.

So to answer the question posed, it’s my experience that the best way to get him to miss you and to want to come home is to not try so hard and so obviously to accomplish this.  Instead, live yourself.  Remain open to your husband.  Remain positive and friendly.  But don’t make your sole purpose in life to get him to miss you or to get him to come home.  Instead, make it clear that while you will be there when he comes to a decision, you no longer plan to put things on hold while you are waiting.  I know that this might sound counter-intuitive, but the success rate of this plan is much higher than more obvious plans.

As I said, I sort of lucked into this plan.  I spent months trying to get my husband home with no success whatsoever.  In fact, my attempts to get him home only made things worse between us.  It wasn’t until I took a break that he began to literally pursue me.  If it helps, you can read the whole story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

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