Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes speak with women who are trying to decide if they should leave their husbands. And most of the time, they’re not actually asking me to tell them what to do. What they’re really looking for is some clarity. Maybe a little validation. Just some help sorting through a decision that feels as heavy as it is complicated.

And I get it. This is your life we’re talking about—your family, your future, your well-being. That’s not something you walk away from without some serious thought.

To be honest, I’m very careful when women ask me directly, “Should I leave him?” That’s not something I can—or should—decide for anyone. But what I can do is help you think it through. And maybe even see it a little more clearly.

Let’s walk through some of the things I usually suggest women consider before they make such a huge decision.

Are the Reasons You Want to Leave Even Fixable?: This is probably the first question to ask yourself. What’s pushing you toward the door?

Is it something serious, like abuse or betrayal? Or is it more that the marriage feels lifeless, like it’s been stuck in the same cycle for years, and you’re just tired of it?

Because those are very different scenarios.

If you’re being mistreated or emotionally harmed, that’s a situation that often requires outside help. And even then, real change is only possible if your husband is truly committed to doing the work. Sadly, that’s not always the case.

But I hear from a lot of women who are struggling with ongoing issues like poor communication, intimacy problems, or constant fights about money. These things wear you down over time, especially when they keep happening again and again. And when nothing ever changes, it starts to feel hopeless.

But here’s what I’ve seen over and over again: many of these issues can be improved—if both people are willing to try something different. That means stepping out of old patterns. That means being uncomfortable for a while. That means admitting what you’ve been doing isn’t working and trying something new instead.

It’s not easy. I’m not going to pretend it is. But it’s often possible.

So the real question is: Are you both willing to do the work? And even more than that: Do you believe it’s still worth trying for?

Are You Looking for Peace, or Are You Truly Done? Sometimes, women tell me they want to leave because they just want the pain to stop. They want peace. They’re exhausted. They’re overwhelmed. They’re tired of the same arguments, the same silence, the same loneliness in their own home.

And I completely understand that.

But I also think it’s worth asking: Are you making this decision out of desperation? Or have you truly reached the end of the road with your marriage?

Because those are not the same thing.

There’s a difference between wanting out of the hurt and wanting out of the relationship. One is about finding relief. The other is about moving on from something that no longer has a place in your life.

And if you’re not sure, take a step back. Try to look at the big picture—not just today’s frustration or this week’s argument. Do you believe that with some effort and support, things could ever feel good again? Or does the thought of rebuilding feel impossible?

For some women, it’s not just about their own feelings. They’re also thinking about the kids. The family. The logistics. The fear of being on their own again.

And those are valid concerns. But I gently remind women of this: your children benefit most when they are raised in a peaceful, loving environment. Ideally, that means two parents who respect and care for one another. But if that’s not possible, a calm single-parent home is often far better than one filled with tension and quiet sadness.

So it’s not about choosing what looks best from the outside. It’s about choosing the environment that offers the most peace and stability on the inside.

If You’re Still Doubting, Ask Yourself Why. Here’s something I’ve noticed after talking to so many women over the years: the ones who are absolutely sure they’re leaving? They usually aren’t the ones writing to me.

When someone is truly done, they don’t have a ton of lingering questions. They’re not waiting for permission or reassurance. They’ve already made their peace with the decision, and now they’re simply following through.

But if you’re still searching, if you’re still wondering… that tells me something. It tells me you might not be done. Not yet.

Maybe you still care. Maybe you still have hope. Maybe you’re afraid of what happens if you try one more time and still end up hurt. Maybe you just don’t want to be disappointed again. All of that is normal.

Sometimes, women stay in this limbo because they’re scared. Scared of being the one to leave. Scared of being alone. Scared of making a mistake they can’t take back. And sometimes, they’re stuck because deep down, they feel like they haven’t really tried everything yet.

If that’s you, I want you to know—you’re not weak for feeling conflicted. You’re not wrong for caring. And you’re definitely not alone.

But maybe it’s time to ask: Is there one more thing you could try? One new approach? One different way of looking at things?

If so, it might be worth doing before you walk away.

When I Thought My Own Marriage Was Over: There was a time in my own life when I really believed my marriage was beyond saving. I felt hurt. Distant. Done. (And my husband was so done that he left.)

But something in me wasn’t ready to let go. So I tried again. From a different angle. And it worked.

That’s why I created my blog. To share what helped me, and what might help others.

If you want to read my personal story, you can do that here: http://isavedmymarriage.com.

Whatever you choose, I hope you give yourself grace. This is a hard decision. But if you’re still asking the question, then the answer might not be clear because the story isn’t finished yet.

And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.