What To Do If Your Husband Says He Doesn’t Want To Be Married Anymore: Tips That Might Help
By: Leslie Cane: Many wives are reeling from their husband’s recent assertion that he no longer wants to be married. The wives often know that they are at a point where they must behave and measure their actions and responses very carefully. Because quite often, they want to remain married. And they want to change their husband’s mind.
A wife might explain: “last night, my husband followed me to our bedroom after I put our kids to bed. He said that he had something important to discuss with me. He very calmly told me that he had decided that he no longer wanted to be married. He said that our marriage was no longer working for him because he felt stuck, tied down, and unhappy. He indicated that he wasn’t sure how he was going to proceed or if he was going to file for divorce immediately. So I asked him why he would tell me this if he didn’t even have a plan. He said that he just felt that I had the right to know. And that he wanted to get it off of his chest. What in the world do I do now? I have two little girls who need their daddy. And I still love my husband and want to save my marriage.”
My heart really goes out to wives like this. I know exactly how she felt because I have been there myself. I was on the same side of this scenario when my own husband told me that he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore and was leaving. So, I completely understand the fear and panic that these words can cause. However, I am still married today. So my husband’s wishes never came to fruition because I was able to avoid a divorce. I made many mistakes in the beginning, but I learned quickly. And I firmly believe that there is a right and a wrong way to respond when you hear words like this. I will explain what I think are the right things that you should be doing right now in the following article.
Do Not Panic Or Show Your Fear: It’s truly not uncommon for men to say things like this in anger, in frustration, or in search of some sort of reaction. I couldn’t tell this wife if her husband was being completely truthful, but I could tell her that it’s not unheard of for husbands to just to throw this phrase out there to see what will happen when they do. And this is more likely when the man hasn’t taken any action or doesn’t have a plan, as was the case here. That’s why it’s so important not to panic or to let your fear be in the driver’s seat. As difficult as remaining calm might be, know that this calm is going to give you the best chance of success and is the strategy that is going to help you to keep this situation from getting out of hand.
Ask Him If He Would Consider An Alternative: Once you are able to establish a calm and measured response, chose a time when he might be more receptive to you and ask him if he might consider trying something to make the situation better. Don’t use words like “divorce” or “separation” unless he uses them first. Instead, offer him alternatives that might help you both become happier in your marriage. A suggested script might be something like: “I’m sorry that you’re not happy right now. We both deserve to have the marriage and the life that makes us happy and I would be more than willing to work with you to explore ways that we might both be more content. I’m not sure what you would be comfortable with, but I’d be happy to go to counseling or even to just work with and listen to you to determine where our marriage is falling short for you. Our kids deserve a happy household. I want that more than anything and I’m willing to work endlessly to achieve it. Would you allow us that opportunity? If it doesn’t work, you can always reevaluate later. But I don’t see any harm in trying to save our marriage and our family. What do you think?”
Know that he may not commit or agree right away. He might ask for some time to think about it and he may even pursue some time away. But always try to keep this in perspective. As long as a divorce has not yet been finalized, you are still in the game. You can still fight for your marriage. So remain calm and have patience. Know that sometimes, the time that he is requesting can work in your favor.
Make Sure You Always Approach Him With A Spirit Of Cooperation: I can not stress how important this is. Many wives will try to very strongly talk their husband out of this by pointing out where he’s being selfish or is just plain wrong. You also do not want to assure him that you are happy so you have no idea what his problem is. There could not be a worse approach. You want for him to know that you are a team and that you are on his side. If he’s not happy, that means that you are not happy and you want to work with him to make things better. Always make it clear that you are on his side and that you want to help him. Because the second you put yourself on opposing sides, that’s when the tide may turn. You don’t want him to see you as his enemy. You want for him to see you as his partner who wants to help him if he would just give her the chance.
I will admit that my marriage suffered horribly when I did not understand these concepts. In fact, we almost divorced until, in one last ditch effort, I completely changed strategies and found one that worked. If it helps, you can read all about it on out on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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