Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: If you’ve found this article, I have to assume that your husband has either left, asked for a divorce or separation, or indicated that he is not happy in the marriage. This article will discuss some of the right, effective ways to win your husband back, and some of the ways that, in my experience, are, (although common), wrong and ineffective most times.

What You Need To Understand When Trying To Win Your Husband Back (And The Wrong Way To Do It): The most important thing to understand when trying to save your marriage is that you want any decisions your husband makes about your marriage or coming back to it needs to be his own idea that he came to without any overt pressure on your part.

There’s a better way to get him back than by “getting him to see things” your way through repeated pleading, threatening, convincing, promising, etc. Because in the long run, you probably won’t be able to force, convince, or “talk your husband into” coming back to you while at the same time being one hundred percent committed and without resentment. Coming back has to be his own idea (or he needs to think it is).

Yes, if you are persistent you may get him to “give in” in the short term, but he will likely resent this and his heart will not be in it, setting you up for more frustration and possibly a breakup or divorce that sticks later on.

Many wives make the mistake of thinking that if they can show their husband how much they love him by calling, texting, emailing, and reassuring, the husband will realize they really love him and will come back through the power of that love. This is often not how it works. Instead, the husband sees all this behavior as high drama or unstable so he only wants to get away more.

The Best Way To Get Your Husband To Want To Come Back: Hopefully, you now understand that it’s best to allow your husband to determine he wants to come back and save the marriage on his own. But, I never said you couldn’t help this process along with your genuine actions and behaviors and by ensuring the situations that will contribute to this.

How and why do you do this? Well, your goal should be to show your husband (on a regular but genuine basis) the woman he first fell in love with – in the environment conducive to this. This is because if you can invoke these positive feelings, it’s likely he would be willing to do just about anything to preserve them. Think about it, when you were first dating, you were so caught up in the positive feelings that issues or problems which confronted the relationship were probably downplayed, blown off, or worked through quickly. Why? Because when a person is deeply in love, problems just bounce off of him. He cares more about preserving the relationship and feelings than he does about addressing anything that could be a danger to them.

How To Become The Woman Your Husband Wants Back Or Wants To Come Back To: Now, I already know what you may be thinking because when I was in this situation, I had these same thoughts, which were “Why do I have to play these games? My husband doesn’t change or make these efforts for me. Why do I have to do all the work?” What I didn’t realize when I was asking these questions is that by giving my husband what he wanted, I would ultimately get what I wanted and would feel better about myself as well.

I know that none of us can turn back the clock and look or act exactly as we did when we first met our husbands. It’s just not possible and it’s unfair to even ask this of us. But, I’ll tell you a secret that I know to be true. With men, it’s not as much about what we look like or how we act, it’s about how we make them feel about themselves. When a man is in love it makes him feel confident, desirable, competent, and powerful. He wants to feel all of these things again and in the best-case scenario, he should feel them with you. (You can do this even if there is another woman in the mix, because “the other woman” will often begin to act more wife like over time as you (if you play your cards right) act less so.) If you can think back and pinpoint the feelings your husband valued most when you first got together and recreate them, then you’re well on your way to winning him back. You want to be openhearted, fun, engaging, and interesting, or those things that hooked him in the first place.

Now, I know that again you may be thinking “but I have a job, kids, and responsibilities. I can’t be acting like this. I don’t have the time for this.” I’m not asking you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. But, the truth is, you’ve proven that you could inspire your husband’s love once. You were once so successful that he married you. I understand that people change, but most of us give up our working formula when the world gets in our way and we have to take on day-to-day responsibilities. You can take it back though. It will take time and work, but it can be done. I have to stress though, that you can’t be overly obvious about this. If your husband reads these efforts as part of the “getting him to see things my way” efforts I talked about earlier, this is only going to make him more resistant to you.

When Is Too Late? What If He Isn’t Speaking To Me? (The Thin Line Between Love, Hate Or Strong Negative Feelings): I have a lot of people tell me that these methods make sense, but they can’t do them because their husbands aren’t talking to them, aren’t receptive, and/or have said nasty things or is really mad. There may also be someone else. Actually, I believe these strong emotions (dislike, anger, and hate) are a good sign. If your husband did not care, then he wouldn’t get upset. Instead, he’d be indifferent. He would not care one way or another. So, the fact that he’s lashing out shows he still has strong feelings. He’s probably frustrated that the relationship is off track and he feels you’ve both failed. The negative feelings are often indicative of the situation rather than you.

If your husband is not receptive to you, then this process will take a bit longer and you’ll have to move more slowly. You take this one baby step at a time (and each step needs to be his idea) and you slowly create positive feelings and situations as you can do so. And, you always want to present yourself as someone who loves your husband and wants him back, but who loves and respects herself too much to resort to groveling, begging, and repeatedly communicating in an attempt to win him back in a way that is beneath both of you.

Want to read how I used these tactics to save my own marriage and won my husband back? You can read my my story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

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