Leslie Cane Articles

by: Leslie Cane: If you’re reading this article, chances are you’ve just been through a breakup or separation of some kind and you want to repair the relationship or get back together. Perhaps your ex just wants a break, cooling-off period, separation, or he or she is not receptive to you at all. Whatever the situation, some universal tips can help (under the right conditions) bring love back. Keep in mind how well these work will largely depend on how well you play them and the state of your relationship at the time they’re played. I learned these tactics because, after a horrible period of trial and error and many mistakes that put my reconciliation with my husband back several steps, I finally stopped the things I was doing, changed course, and was able to save my marriage. I believe the tips listed below can work in many situations, but use your own judgment in your situation.

As Hard As It Is, Don’t Let Your Desperation / Panic Show: It’s completely and totally natural to be heartbroken, frustrated, and desolate after a breakup, separation, or divorce. It’s just common sense to want to fix the situation immediately. We all figure the longer we’re broken up, the harder it will be to get back together. So, we go on a campaign to make our ex pay attention to us. We text. We leave messages. We show up at his or her work or school. We give them puppy dog eyes and completely desperate stances. This is understandable, but do you know what this does? It only makes us more undesirable to them. In his or her mind, our ex is thinking “Man, this person is unstable. As hard a decision as it may have been, I made the right call.” And once they decide this, they go out of their way to avoid us even more. Obviously, you can’t let them think they made the right call and you don’t want them to put up or wall or constantly avoid you. You want them to doubt their decision instead. How do you make them do that and be receptive to you instead?

Take Care Of Yourself And Return To Who You Were When They Fell In Love With You In The First Place: Again, it’s completely natural to want to brood in your bunny slippers and a torn, ratty robe, but you can not do this. (All right, maybe for a few days but then you have to get moving.) Instead, you actually should get out and do and enjoy those things you’ve been putting off. You should reconnect with the friends you’ve missed, pull out the hobbies you used to love and invest in yourself. Why? Because the person your ex first fell in love with was very likely exciting, happy go lucky, alluring, and intriguing. What happened to him or her? Life. And this is not your fault. Time goes by and you have to pay attention to your job, your responsibilities, and your obligations. But, now that you might be single, you’ve likely inherited a whole lot more time. So, become that fun, carefree person your ex fell in love with. Embrace life. Jump into those things you’ve wanted to do but have been putting off. Love yourself as much as you love your ex. If you don’t or can’t, you have work you should do before you attempt to reconcile.

Once You’ve Returned to Your Best Self, Run Into Your Ex: Now, the above phase may last for a while. That’s completely ok, even preferable sometimes. Want to know why? Because your ex is likely going to wonder what you’ve been up to, why you aren’t contacting them, why you changed course, and what has changed. The silence just might be deafening. They may initiate contact with you, but if they don’t, it’s up to you to bump into them or slyly arrange a meeting where you don’t in any way let on that it’s anything more than tying up loose ends or a quick face to face for a necessary transaction. At this point in the game, you want them to want to see more of you, not the other way around. You want them intrigued and interested, but finding that they no longer have total and complete access.

When Is It Too Late To Reconcile/ Fall Back In Love?: Actually, I don’t believe it’s ever too late (unless someone was abusive in the past). I’ve had people say to me, “But Leslie, my ex says he/she hates me,” or “He/she won’t even talk to me, and/or is dating someone else.” This is ok. First off, if your ex says they hate you or is so furious with you they won’t even talk to you, why do you think they have such strong emotions? If they didn’t care, they would be completely indifferent to you. You would not affect them one way or another. So, if they’re acting negatively toward you, I believe that’s more positive than if they were completely neutral. If they didn’t care, this wouldn’t upset and frustrate them.

If they are dating someone else, that can be ok too. People rarely marry or settle down with their “rebound person.” Many times, the rebound man or woman actually shows the ex what they miss in you. Keep doing what you’re doing and the tide may eventually turn.

In the end, the best way to make someone fall back in love with you is to control what you have direct access to – yourself. You can’t necessarily control the circumstances, but you can control your own actions and the situations in which you find yourself. If you do these things correctly, you greatly increase your chances of making your ex feel the same love he or she once felt.

I realize that some may think this is game playing. Perhaps it is, but unfortunately, when emotions are high in these situations, it’s sometimes necessary. In my opinion, if both parties are good people, the intentions are good, and love prevails in the end, it’s worth it.

I used all of these tactics to get my husband back (although some were dumb luck.) I didn’t do this to fool him or hurt our relationship. I did it because I love him and wanted our relationship back. Eventually, these things worked and of course, now he’s glad I stuck it out. You can read my story of how I used these methods to stop the divorce (when I was the only one who wanted to), by clicking here or visiting http://isavedmymarriage.com