Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: Many wives are dealing with a husband who is asking for or insisting that he needs “space.” Sometimes, he will hint heavily that he wants to leave, separate, or divorce. Often the wife will see this request for space as a rejection or as an indication that their marriage is on its last legs. Many wives wonder if they should just accept reality, speed up the process, or be the one to leave since breaking up or ending the marriage seems to be inevitable anyway.

A wife might ask: “if my husband is insisting that he needs “space” and is hinting that he may leave me or move out. Am I better off just leaving him? If my marriage is going to end anyway, I’d rather take the initiative and be the one to leave rather than feeling like a victim or a loser when he leaves me. I’m not sure what this would mean for me legally once we moved toward a divorce, but I would prefer to be proactive. Don’t get me wrong. I still love my husband and I would prefer to save my marriage and remain married. But I’m not the one constantly asking for space. He is. So I’d rather not waste my time waiting around for him to decide what he’s going to do once he has his space. I resent him having so much control and that he gets to make all of the decisions. So I feel like that by leaving him, I’m going to be sending my own message. And I’m also secretly hoping that I am calling his bluff and maybe he will see that all this space talk is nonsense and posturing.”

Many wives wonder if they aren’t going to be better off making a preemptive strike rather than waiting around to see if their husbands are going to eventually want to leave or ask for a divorce. Often, a wife might secretly hope that if she leaves him, this might force some sense into him or show him that she’s not going to just idly wait around.

The Risks In Leaving A Husband Who Wants Space Or Who Might Leave You: Of course, there are some risks to this strategy. First of all, many husbands who ask for and eventually take “space” or leave end up coming back and being committed to their marriage. When a person asks for space or leaves, this is not always a guarantee or indication that the marriage is over or even that the person who wants space or leaves wants for it to be over.

There is always the chance that the husband would take some space, realize that he wanted to save his marriage and then come home to find his wife gone. If the wife in this scenario had left, then her deciding to leave could well be another obstacle that this couple would struggle to overcome.

And this wife did stress that she really did love her husband and want to save her marriage, but she was worried that he was going to leave her anyway and she didn’t want to face rejection or pain. So she wondered if leaving him before he could leave her was the better call. Only the wife could answer this question, but in my own experience, I decided to wait it out and give my husband his space. Eventually (after a lot of planning and strategy on my part) he came back and we saved our marriage. So, of course, I’m glad that I didn’t react hastily and leave my husband.

Alternatives To Leaving Your Husband When He Asks For Space Or Leaves: I truly do understand that a preemptive strike is tempting. And if you’re already checked out of your marriage and don’t care if it ends, then I don’t blame you for wanting to cut your losses and move on. But, if you think there’s still some flicker of hope that you still love your husband and want for your marriage to work, what is the harm in giving him some time and space when it’s the rest of your life that you’re talking about? There’s nothing that says that you can’t continue to live your life while he is gone. You don’t have to put your life on hold or hold your breath while he is gone. Honestly, giving him his space, and working on yourself while he is away (or taking his space in your home if he’s not moving out) can sometimes actually improve your marriage and increase your chances of saving it for the long term.

Because at the end of the day, the goal is probably that you are both happy in a good marriage if that is the route that you hope to eventually take. If he needs a little space to get close to that goal, then I don’t see any harm in giving him this while taking advantage of the time for your own objectives. However, if you don’t share the goal of saving your marriage, then I can understand not wanting to waste time waiting for him to make up his mind.

The answer is yours alone, but as I see it, the answer that makes the most sense is the one that is most in alignment with what you ultimately want the outcome to be. If your heart is open to saving the marriage, acting hastily and moving out may not be the best call.

As I said, I was tempted to leave my husband before he left me, but I’m so glad I didn’t. I suspect that if I had, my marriage might have been over and we are still happily married today. If you like, feel free to read the story of how I saved my marriage on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

Filed under: Uncategorized by admin