Leslie Cane Articles

Sometimes I hear from wives who refer to their separated spouses as “runaway husbands.” I can’t help it. I always get a weird mental picture from this phrase. I picture a grown man with a knapsack thrown across his shoulder, slinking away in the dead of the night. I suppose “running away” is a phrase that I most commonly associate with children. Nonetheless, plenty of spouses do leave their homes to pursue a break from their marriages. And their significant others understandably want to know if and when their husband is going to return home.

Someone might say, “in my neighborhood alone, six husbands have decided to just take off on their wives in the last three months alone. I don’t understand this. Not one of them has come home. They vary in age. One is a newly-wed. Another is retired. They don’t seem to have much in common other than they were unhappy enough to run away and leave their wives. Many of us have formed a sort of support group and several of us are actively trying to get our husbands home without much luck. Is there any common theme about why and when they come home? What do the ones who return home have in common?”

As you have probably already surmised, there isn’t a lot of statistics about this. The reasons that the husbands come back is as varied as the husbands (and their reasons for leaving) themselves. Below, I will go over some of their more common reasons for returning.

He Realizes He Was Wrong: Some husbands leave abruptly, without giving their wives times to discuss it and without thinking it through. While some of these husbands may make a valiant attempt to live on their own, many come to realize that their assumptions about their wives or about their marriages were inaccurate or unfair. So, whether they admit to it or not, they come home because they realize that their thinking, and their actions, were flawed.

He Wants To Give Your Marriage A Fair Try Before Making A Permanent Break: Some husbands aren’t sure if they are returning for good. All that they know is that before they can pursue any divorce in good faith, they have to make a decent attempt to at least try to work on your marriage. Many believe that if they give this their best effort and it still doesn’t work, at least they can walk away with their heads held high because they will know that they tried everything that they could.

He’s Tired Of Running: Often, “running away” is an act of desperation made during a time of high emotion. People generally do not make good decisions in such circumstances. Fortunately, many people reverse course once they have calmed down and can see things more clearly. This may be the case with a husband who comes home once he realizes that his leaving was way overdone.

He Missed You And Yearned For Home: Sometimes, it really is as simple as a husband getting a taste of living on his own and realizing that he much prefers the stability and comfort of living with his spouse. Many spouses figure out that the grass is not as green as they thought once they actually experience life on their own.

It’s The Path Of Least Resistance: I’ve had wives tell me that their runaway husbands later admitted that they returned home simply because it was just easier. They didn’t have this great epiphany or determine that they were desperate to reconcile with their wife. Rather, they were too lazy or apathetic to do anything other than take the easiest option – to simply return home. While many wives are grateful to have them home, know that if you do not speak up or insist upon it, it’s possible that nothing will change with your marriage and no new improvements will be made.

New Beginnings Or The Status Quo?: How you react to your husband’s return often depends on what you want to happen with your marriage. If you are still invested and want to reconcile, then honestly, does it really matter why he returned home? Sure, it isn’t ideal if he’s home for a reason other than he now knows how much he loves and values you and the marriage. Yes, there will be more work to do if one of you is more motivated than the other. But it is not impossible.

My husband would not return home until he was sure he wanted to reconcile with me. I would have taken him any way that I could have gotten him. (You can read about that draining process here: http://isavedmymarriage.com

And once he even became remotely receptive to connecting with me again, I was thinking about what I could do to improve our relationship and myself to give us the best chance to have a new marriage that would thrive.

It’s very tempting to just carry on with the status quo when he comes home. But I believe that you are really selling yourself (and your marriage) short when you do this. Having him leave stinks. It can be so lonely and discouraging. So make sure that something good comes out of it and that your suffering was worth it by using this as a chance to greatly improve your situation.

My separation was a very painful time for me, but I have to admit that it gave me a much better marriage than I had initially. In that way, I made it work for me so that it wasn’t just a waste of time and a needlessly painful experience.  You can read about my entire experience at http://isavedmymarriage.com

Filed under: Uncategorized by admin