My Separated Spouse Still Wears His Wedding Ring, But Doesn’t Want To Reconcile Yet.
I often hear from separated wives who are looking for signs that their husband may be still invested in the marriage so that a reconciliation might be possible. Understandably, she’s often frantically searching for anything that she might hold onto that may give her some hope. One such is example is when her husband continues to wear his wedding ring.
She might say, “Of course, I would never remove my wedding ring even though my husband and I are separated. I make no secret of the fact that I’m still very invested in my marriage and I would like to reconcile. Much to my relief, my husband has not removed his ring, either. I assumed that he might because he is the one who pushed hard for the separation. He is still wearing it, but when I ask if this might mean a reconciliation, he says that it is really too soon to tell. He says he wants to just keep going with the separation until it is clear which path that we should take. So what should I read into this because it’s very confusing. Still wearing his ring shows a commitment, but not wanting to reconcile right now means a lack of commitment, so I am pretty confused.”
Your husband would be the best person to share his thoughts, but I can speculate. My husband did not remove his wedding ring, either. But it took a while for us to reconcile and there were certainly periods of time where it looked like we were not going to make it. Thankfully, we eventually did make it and are still together today. I think that the reason that neither of us removed our rings was that we were still married. Yes, we were separated, were having problems, and our future was uncertain. But my thinking was that until my husband and I had finalized a divorce, I was going to wear my ring because I was still legally married. I suspect that this was my husband’s thought process also. Plus, I don’t think that either of us wanted any questions from people asking us why we weren’t wearing our rings. Things were complicated enough without all of the questions.
I always took it as a positive sign that my husband was wearing his ring because it gave a signal that he wasn’t looking to date other people. Of course, a ring doesn’t always stop your spouse from being approached, but it is better than not wearing a ring and making it look like you consider yourself single. So I DO think that it is encouraging when a separated man continues to wear his ring. To me, it indicates that he still realizes that he’s married and he’s not trying to send a signal to women that he is ready to date other people.
With this said, simply wearing your ring doesn’t mean that everything is okay and that you’ll be returning home soon. Often, the spouse who initiated the separation is looking to see some significant changes or some inciting factor before a reconciliation takes place. My husband wanted space and I don’t think that there was any way to get him to reconcile until he felt that he had gotten that (and had also done the hard-thinking which he felt was necessary at the time.) Yes, my actions during the separation had an impact on how receptive he was to me and to a reconciliation. I eventually crafted an approach that worked. But I am not sure how much I could have rushed the process early on. My mistakes prolonged the separation, to be sure. But my husband was going to get his space and there wasn’t much that I could have done about that.
If your husband is telling you that he’s not ready to talk about a reconciliation, I would not push, simply because every time I pushed, I made things worse and my husband pulled away. I had to work twice as hard to get things back to normal every time we took a step backward. I found out that it was better to try to have some patience and to facilitate a good relationship so that he was more receptive to me. I was greatly rewarded for this patience, because eventually, I did not have to push or pressure my husband to reconcile. He willingly wanted to reconcile eventually.
So I think you’re right to be encouraged that your husband is still wearing his ring, but I don’t think that you want to use this to push your husband to give more than he is ready for right now. Give him a little space, have patience, and maintain a close and open relationship. This usually works so much better than pressuring him and having him pull away. I know that it is hard, but it is much easier than having to pull back with a spouse who has become even more distant because you have pushed too hard. At least that was my experience. You can read more about this on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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