Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: Understandably, many separated wives look for clues as to their husband’s mindset. You have to consider that most of these wives never wanted the separation. Many of them desperately want to save their marriages. So they’re going to search their husband’s words and actions for any positive signs that they can find. One example is a husband who admits that he misses family life. Unfortunately, it’s very common for a husband to admit that he generally misses his family, but not that he specifically misses his wife. The wife often wonders if she should take solace in this admission, or if she is seeing positive signs simply because she wants to.

She might say, “I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining. I know that some wives have limited access to their husbands during the separation. Thankfully, this hasn’t been the case for me. My husband calls regularly. And he comes over to see the kids quite often. In my heart, I know that his visits are mostly for the kids and not for me. But I’m still grateful for them. Still, he makes no romantic gestures or overtures. He never hints that we might get back together. He’s polite, but certainly not loving. However, the other day, he did say something that gave me some hope. After he tucked the kids into bed, he came out and told me that he very much missed his family. He laughed and even said that he misses dinner with my parents sometimes. This got my hopes up, but after I thought about it later, I realized with a sinking heart that my husband never said that he missed ME. He had just come out of our son’s room, so I am sure that insinuation was more that he missed the kids and family life with them. I want to think this is a good sign? But is it, really? What could it mean?”

I understand why you want to pinpoint exactly what your husband missing his family might mean. However, I don’t think anyone knows that, other than your husband. And he may not even completely understand his feelings. But, I can certainly offer my take on this, as someone who has gone through this.

It Is Likely A Good Sign That He’s Willing To Admit Positive Feelings Associated With Family Life: I’m not sure that I’d go so far as to suggest that your husband meant that he overwhelmingly missed you when he talked about family life – although that may well be absolutely true. But I think what you can say for sure is that he’s comfortable with your knowing that he does miss being a daily part of his family. And honestly, this is quite common. Imagine for just a moment if you were the one who moved out and no longer saw your kids as often. Of course you would miss being a daily part of their lives.

But it’s very interesting that he also mentioned your parents. He didn’t have to do this. And this is definitely less common. This could very well be a “tell.” Because your parents are associated with you, and he almost seemed surprised that he missed them, but he still felt comfortable sharing his feelings about it.

So yes, I do think that this is a good sign. But I understand your reluctance to read too much into it. Still, I can’t tell you how many separated husbands literally refuse to give their wives any hope at all. These husbands would never admit to anything remotely positive. On the contrary, your husband didn’t seem to have any reluctance. Obviously, this doesn’t mean that you are home free, but I think there is nothing wrong with being happy about this.

While This May Not Mean That A Reconciliation Is Imminent, It Can Give You A Place To Start: I hope that I didn’t discourage you in any way. Admittedly, he is not at the point where he’s telling you that he’s missing you or showing romantic leanings. But that isn’t all bad. You have to start somewhere. And you have many advantages that many wives don’t have. You have easy and regular access to your husband. He’s becoming more open and demonstrative. He is comfortable being with you and your family. You can easily build upon this. In fact, you have the “in” that I often suggest that separated wives to search for. This is the perfect starting place to  gradually build toward something more.

Be Careful Of This Common Mistake: With the above said, I’d caution you against one thing. I know you are excited and hopeful. But don’t allow that to cause you to suddenly push. I did this myself, and I had to start all over because my husband was not ready to move so quickly. If you want to play it totally safe, you can allow your husband to set the pace. Or, you can move very gradually and back off quickly if you encounter resistance. There is no harm in moving slowly in my experience. It can even be advantageous to leave your husband wanting more.

I know that you want to make quick progress, but I would argue that you already have. You are already on a positive path. Build upon that, and do nothing to sabotage what you’ve already built by losing patience or wanting to take or assume more than he’s freely offering right now.

Yes, I think that you’ve just received a good sign, but I also know that good signs can sometimes come right before you push too hard. Resist that urge. Maintain the positive momentum, and you might suddenly have a sign that is completely unmistakable and needs no interpretation.

Thankfully, I finally learned that I had to wait for those undeniable signs.  And I eventually got plenty of them during our reconciliation.  No one was as shocked as I was because things look very bleak for a while.   You can read the whole story at https://isavedmymarriage.com

Filed under: Uncategorized by admin