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Many separated wives are lucky enough to have a husband who still feels somewhat responsible for her and for the household. To that end, the husband will often regularly return home to complete household tasks and responsibilities. The wives are often grateful for these gestures. It’s hard enough being alone, but it would be even more difficult to handle all of the household chores too. However, despite her gratitude, she often wonders what this all means. Is there some meaning in his taking on this role?

A wife might say, “I am not complaining. But my separated husband comes home every weekend to play with the dog and mow the lawn. Our dog is like our child. I think that my husband misses him as much as he does me. I have been encouraged that my husband comes home every weekend, even if only for a few hours. I’ve asked him to let me make him dinner to say thank you, but he always declines. However, I was talking to my sister-in-law about this and her response was, ‘just because he feels responsible for you doesn’t mean that he wants you back.’ I wasn’t sure how to take this. My husband does not confide in his sister. So she probably doesn’t know what he is thinking or feeling. But, is she right? Do most separated husbands take care of these tasks? Are my experiences nothing special? Are they not a good sign?”

I would like to think this wife was seeing positive signs. Not all separated husbands carry on with household responsibilities. When we separated, my husband kept some tasks and hired out others. As things improved between us, he began to take on a more active role.

The Positive Implications In Your Husband Regularly Coming Home: As I see it, the husband felt comfortable enough to regularly return home and spend time with the animal the couple shared. And he felt responsible enough to want to care for the grass. These are both positive indications. Plus, the fact that the husband still saw the home as partially his responsibility could have meant that he doesn’t see the current situation (or separation) as permanent. It may also mean that he feels protective of and empathy for his wife – which are vital traits to have during a separation. That said, it could also mean that he’s just a decent guy. You won’t know for sure until you wait and see how this plays out. But it’s certainly better than him letting the wife mow the lawn herself.

And his wanting to see the dog could mean that he still associates the home with an emotional pull. This is also a positive. If the husband thought overwhelmingly negatively about the wife or the home, he might ask to bring the dog to his place once a week. He isn’t, which would indicate that he’s comfortable with her presence.

Sure, he isn’t agreeing to dinner right now and the wife shouldn’t push that. But regular contact is very important. Even better,  the wife is in a situation where she knows that she will see him on weekends. This is more than some wives experience. So, for now, be appreciative when he’s over and offer to reciprocate in any way he’ll let you. Because you never know where this might lead.

When To Be Careful: I believe that the sister-in-law in this situation was overly pessimistic. However, she brings up a fair point. Although it’s very normal to want to analyze a husband’s behavior, don’t overdo it. Otherwise, he may feel uncomfortable with the scrutiny or raised hopes and stop coming so often.

For now, I’d suggest just continuing on. It’s easier to build upon a positive situation like this one than to overstep and then have to start all over. (I say this from unfortunate experience. It took me a long time to rebuild my husband’s receptiveness to me when I overstepped.) Continue to make sure that your husband is comfortable when he visits and then if you have the opportunity for more, take it. But do not push for it until he is receptive.

Just try to keep the weekends positive so that eventually, he looks forward to visiting everyone in the home (including the dog.)  There’s nothing wrong with making sure that you look your best and are also on your best behavior each weekend. But respect any boundaries that he sets and allow him to take the lead as to when things progress forward.

To answer the original question, I do think it’s a great sign for a husband to return home to care for the home and even to see the dog. Anything that facilitates regular and positive communication is positive. And this gives you something to gradually build upon. That said, don’t turn a positive into a negative by overanalyzing or applying pressure. Yes, these are good signs, but they alone do not mean reconciliation. However, you can use this as a good first step to a longer road toward saving your marriage.  If it helps, there’s more about how I reconciled my own marriage after separation at http://isavedmymarriage.com

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