Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: Many wives suspect very strongly that their husband wants a divorce. Sometimes, they will sort of tip toe around the issue for as long as they can because they are scared of the answer if they ask about this directly. However, over time, wondering about your husband’s true feelings gets very old. Sometimes, you just get to the point where you would rather have an answer, even a negative one than to continue to wonder. So many wives will eventually get to a point where they ask their husband directly if he wants a divorce. And not all husbands are going to give you a straight or even honest answer. In fact, some choose to remain silent.

Someone might say: “I finally got up my nerve to ask my husband if he wants a divorce. And he just stared at me and sighed. He was just silent for several minutes. When I pressed him, he finally said that he just didn’t have an answer for me that second. What does this mean? Why would he just remain silent? Part of me thinks he just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings or he’s planning a strategy or is trying to get his financial affairs in order before he asks me for a divorce. What do I make of this?” I will try to address these concerns in the following article.

A Husband Who Is Silent Or Who Doesn’t Answer You When You Ask About A Divorce May Not Have A Definitive Answer To Give You Right Now: Sometimes, husbands are silent because they haven’t yet made up their minds. Like you, they may have a lot of conflicting emotions and they might be confused. So, many will delay giving you an answer about a divorce because they are not yet sure if they want or will seek one. And they would rather delay than give you an answer that may be rushed or not valid.

It Can Be A Good Sign When Your Husband Is Silent About His Wishes For A Divorce: Many wives will see their husband’s indecision or his silence as a reason for panic. They will assume the worst or assume that his unwillingness to deny that he wants a divorce means that he’s only delaying the inevitable or plotting his next move. This may not be the case. Some men who want a divorce will have no problem sharing this very directly with you. Many wives who contact me have husbands who are repeatedly telling them that not only does he want a divorce, but nothing else is going to be acceptable to him.

So as frustrating as his silence might be, understand that at least at means that you don’t have a definitive answer saying that a divorce is imminent. And this means that you might have time to save your marriage. I know that having things up in their air can be frustrating. But at times, it is the state of being up in the air which means that your marriage actually still stands a chance.

How To Handle It When Your Husband Won’t Give You Any Answer About The Divorce: I suspect that you might be hoping I give you some tips on how to get your husband to make up his mind quickly. I’m afraid that my suggestion is more in line with setting it up so that when your husband does make a decision, it’s the decision that you were hoping for rather than a hasty decision.

To that end, this will often mean that you are going to need some patience and that you are going to need to approach him from a place of partnership rather than from a place of impatience and fear. Instead of asking him why he can’t just hurry up and make up his mind or telling him how unfair it is to just leave you hanging, you might say something like: “it hurts that you are not automatically denying that you want a divorce. With that said, I would rather you take the time that you need than to give me a rushed decision that you don’t really mean. Your reluctance tells me that we have work to do on our marriage so that we are both confident that we want to remain committed to it. I am willing to work tirelessly on our marriage to show you that it can be one about which you no longer have any doubts. I think that the foundation is still there. We just need to strengthen our foundation and begin to build again.”

Notice that at no time did this conversation pressure him, although I acknowledged that the whole process was painful. Also, notice that I didn’t insinuate that I was going to wait around for him to make up his mind before I started trying to rehabilitate the marriage. Plus, I approached him in a proactive way rather than in a panicked way. I hope that you can see a difference because this truly can be important.

Many wives push or rush their husbands and later regret this very much because their husband feels he has no choice but to make a rushed decision to go ahead and pursue a divorce. Now, with more time, understanding, and rehabilitation, he may not have gone that route. But some wives will get so antsy for an answer, that the husband doesn’t feel like he has the luxury of a well thought out choice.

I will freely admit that I pushed my husband for an answer until he gave me the answer that I didn’t want.  When he told me he, in fact, wanted a divorce, I suddenly told him to take all the time he needed to think about it.  And, I had a lot of ground to make up.  Eventually, I was able to repair the damage done so I could save our marriage.  But things would’ve been easier if I’d been more patient from the beginning.  If it helps, you can read about how I fixed my mistakes on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

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