Leslie Cane Articles

By Leslie Cane: One of the hardest things a woman can hear from her husband is: “I want a divorce.” And yet, frequently, I talk to women who are facing this exact heartbreak. Many husbands have proclaimed that they are done and they won’t talk to their wives. He won’t explain his reasoning, so they don’t know how to reach him. They want to know if there is anything they can do before it is too late – anything at all.

If you’re reading this and nodding, I want you to know: you are not alone. I’ve been where you are. And I’ve spoken with many women—and even men—who have walked this same unfortunate road. I’ve also seen marriages come back from the brink – including my own. But it usually doesn’t happen the way you think.

In fact, the more you try to push, plead, or pressure your husband into changing his mind, the more he may pull away. And I know that’s not what you want.

So, what does work? What can actually keep you from divorcing? Let’s have a look.

Why He’s Not Listening And Why Knowing The Answer Matters: Right now, your husband may seem like he’s emotionally unreachable. He’s distant. Maybe cold. Maybe even angry. And when you try to talk to him, it feels like talking to a wall. He’s just not responsive. He may even straight up ignore you.

This can make you feel like you have to say more, try harder, or become louder. Don’t. Don’t fall for this common trap. Here’s what I want you to know: often, he’s not ignoring you because he doesn’t care. He’s tuning out because he’s exhausted by what he expects you to say.

If past arguments or promises led to disappointment or no real change, then he’s bracing himself for more of the same. It’s a defense mechanism. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s completely checked out. It just means he doesn’t believe things can be different—yet. So you’re not going to give him more of the same. You are going to change it up.

The Counterintuitive Move That Can Begin To Break the Ice: This is the part that trips up a lot of wives: the very first step toward getting your husband to open up is not to try to change his mind. It’s to surprise him… by doing something different.

Agree with him. Not about the divorce—but about how bad things have gotten. About how unhappy he must be to even consider this. Tell him you understand. Tell him he deserves to feel happy. Not in a bitter or sarcastic way. Genuinely.

I know that sounds scary. You might worry, “If I agree with him, won’t that push him out the door faster?” But here’s the truth: when someone finally feels heard—really heard—they stop trying so hard to escape.

And this is when your words can start to reach him. This is when the tide starts to turn – ever so slightly. Hey, that’s a start.

What to Say (And What Not to Say) When He Finally Listens: Once the door cracks open, the next step is not to rush in with speeches or pressure. Instead, let him see something new in you. A softer, more grounded version of the woman he once fell in love with.

Tell him you’ve been reflecting. That you see how both of you lost your way. That you’re sorry for the pain that’s built up. That you aren’t here to beg or bargain—but that you do want peace, and maybe someday, hope.

You aren’t promising a perfect future. You’re simply inviting something gentler into the present. You’re ensuring him that he won’t see instability and drama from you.

Resist the Urge to Rush — Let Him Come Toward You Sometimes: This is the hardest part. Once he shows signs of warming up, the temptation to “make things right” quickly can be overwhelming. You miss him, after all. You want things to feel normal again.

But this is when it’s crucial to slow down. Don’t demand answers. Don’t try to recreate the past overnight. Let him set the pace. Focus on simple, light, and positive interactions. A smile. A shared moment of laughter. A memory that slips in naturally.

These small connections are not meaningless—they are the beginning of something new. Something healing. They are the start of things turning around. Do not underestimate their importance. Do not overlook them.

Over time, if he starts to remember why he once chose you—if he starts to feel heard and connected again—he will begin to reconsider what he thought was a final decision. Meaning, he will reconsider your divorce. And you will have saved your marriage – all by yourself, when you were the only one who wanted to.

I Know This, Because I Lived It: Years ago, I was the woman crying in the bathroom, wondering if my marriage could be saved. I tried all the wrong things first—crying, begging, arguing. Creating a lot of drama. My husband saw me coming and knew what he was getting. Not surprisingly, nothing worked… until I stopped pushing and started listening. And eventually, so did he.

Not only did we avoid divorce, we rebuilt a marriage that was stronger than before.

If you’re wondering whether there’s still time for you, my answer is yes—if you’re willing to shift your approach. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be patient, steady, and willing to lead with calm strength. But start now. Because time is wasting.

You can read more about what worked for me (and how it might work for you) at ISavedMyMarriage.com.

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