Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: I wish I could say that couples facing marital problems always come together, equally committed to fixing what’s broken. But in my experience, that’s rarely how it works. I often hear from wives whose husbands have already decided they want a divorce—while the wives are still clinging to hope, desperate to save the marriage but unsure whether it’s even possible to do so alone.

Here’s the truth: it is possible to save your marriage even when you’re the only one trying. I know because I’ve done it. But I won’t pretend it’s easy. It takes extra patience, self-awareness, and effort when you’re carrying most of the emotional weight. I’m not saying this to discourage you—just the opposite. I see too many people give up too soon, not realizing how much power they do have to influence the outcome.

Marriage is worth fighting for. And unless there’s abuse involved, I believe nearly any marriage can be saved with the right mindset and approach. In this article, I’ll share what that looks like—and how to get started.

No Matter What the Problems Are, They All Come Back to One Thing

When people reach out to me, they often want to explain everything that’s gone wrong—money issues, stress, infidelity, communication breakdowns, intimacy problems. These are real challenges, but they’re often just symptoms of a deeper issue.

At the root of almost every broken marriage is a lack of emotional connection. One or both people no longer feel truly loved, seen, heard, or valued.

Once you understand this, you can start to respond differently. Think about it: the husband who’s furious about finances? Deep down, he may be terrified he’s failing or that he’ll never be “enough.” The man who seems cold and distant? He may be guarding himself after years of feeling misunderstood or unwanted. The husband constantly complaining about sex? He likely craves emotional closeness and validation—but doesn’t know how to ask for it.

We all carry unmet needs and past hurts, even if we’re unaware of them. And when someone feels consistently unloved or unheard, they often shut down or lash out—because it’s the only way they know to protect themselves.

The real turning point comes when you’re able to see past the surface frustration and recognize the emotional wound underneath. That’s when you can start to rebuild trust and intimacy, step by step.

But Why Do I Have to Do All the Work?

This is a question I hear all the time—and I get it. It feels unfair. Many women tell me, “Why am I the one doing all the emotional heavy lifting? Why does he get to check out, while I’m fighting for us?”

The truth is, it’s incredibly frustrating to feel like you’re giving more than you’re getting. But right now, your greatest power lies in controlling what you can—your own mindset, your own behavior, your own growth.

Yes, you want and deserve to feel valued and understood too. And if your husband eventually starts to feel emotionally safe and seen again, it’s very likely he will begin to offer you those things again—just like he did when you first fell in love. When people feel loved and appreciated, they naturally want to reciprocate. It becomes a positive cycle.

But that shift has to start somewhere—and right now, you’re in the best position to lead the way. This isn’t about giving in. It’s about getting smart.

People who manage to save their marriages on their own understand that now is not the time for blame, resentment, or scorekeeping. That comes later—if at all. Right now, it’s about getting back to the emotional core of your relationship and laying a new foundation.

Focus on Rebuilding the Emotional Bond First

At the end of the day, most divorces happen not because of one dramatic event, but because of a slow erosion of closeness. A loss of warmth. A breakdown of emotional intimacy.

So before you worry about how to “fix” everything, focus instead on rebuilding connection. Start by asking yourself:

• How can I make my husband feel seen and valued again?

• When was the last time he felt I truly “got” him?

• How can I be the safe, calm space that invites him to lean in—rather than shut down?

It’s not about pretending nothing’s wrong. It’s about shifting the dynamic just enough that it opens the door for something new.

I Made These Mistakes Myself—Until I Learned a Better Way

When my own husband told me he wanted a divorce, I panicked. I cried. I begged. I tried everything I could think of to change his mind—and most of it backfired. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was only pushing him further away by reacting out of fear.

It wasn’t until I stopped reacting and started understanding that things finally began to shift. I changed how I showed up. I stopped trying to fix or control. I focused on connection instead of confrontation.

That’s when everything changed. You can read the full story here: http://isavedmymarriage.com

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