Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane:  Many wives are extremely confused by their husband’s actions since he has left them.  Often, they expect for him to be happy or to show a sense of relief since he was the one who set this whole thing into motion. But sometimes, the opposite happens.  Sometimes, it becomes quite obvious that he isn’t happy at all.  In fact, sometimes he can seem to be downright miserable.

A wife might explain: “my husband was the one who decided to leave.  I never wanted any sort of separation or break. He is the one who took the initiative to walk out the door because he thought he was unhappy within our marriage.  But now it’s been only two weeks since he left and every time I see or talk to him, he seems absolutely miserable.  His whole demeanor is down.  I try to ask him what is wrong with him but he won’t give me a direct answer.  Why would he be miserable when this is what he himself choose and seemed to want?”  I will try to answer these questions in the following article.

Examples Of Some Of The Many Reasons He May Seem Miserable After Leaving Their Wives:  Of course, every man is an individual so his reasons may vary.  But here are examples of common reasons that he may be sad, confused, or miserable.

His Experience Isn’t The Way That He Envisioned It: Often men leave because they think that taking a break is going to give them some relief from their situation.  Or, they think that the time to think is going to provide all of these awesome insights. They hope that they will have sudden clarity or that they will find that they either intensely like or dislike being on their own.  But sometimes, things just don’t work out in the way that they hoped.  Sometimes, the clarity just isn’t there or the break isn’t what they hoped that it would be and they are frustrated because of this.

Sometimes, They Miss You More Than They Thought They Might:  Many men leave out of anger or at least out of frustration.  So, they hope that leaving you is going to make them feel some relief.  What they sometimes don’t count on is that this relief that they hoped for is not forthcoming because they miss you.  So suddenly it dawns on them that they are unhappy without you and that perhaps the only way to be happy is to roll up their sleeves and get to work.  Much of the time, they just didn’t anticipate this reaction.

They Realize That They Are No Closer To The Answer That They Were Seeking:  I know that it may be difficult for you to believe this, but many men don’t actually relish the idea of leaving.  It’s often the last resort because they don’t see any other way.  So they hope that by taking the very drastic action of leaving, they are going to come up with some type of answer that is going to make their situation better.  This hope might be that they discover that they like living alone.  Or perhaps this might be that being apart from you has offered them some clarity.  Or, maybe they hope that you are going to fall at their feet begging them to come home while promising abrupt change.  Whatever it was that they are hoping to accomplish, it’s not unusual for the reality of it to fall short of their expectations.

He May Be Posturing To Get You To Ask Him To Come Home:  It’s understandable that many wives are less than pleased when their husband leaves.  Often, they are so angry at him that they are thinking good riddance if this is how he wants to act (especially at first.)  Because of this, he can be reluctant to just come right out and tell you that he made a grave mistake and wants to come back home.  So, he will try to set it up so that you feel sorry for him and take the initiative to ask him to come home.  One way for him to try to do this is to put his misery on full display and to hope to get a reaction from you.

How Should You Act When He’s The One Who Left But Is Now Acting Miserable?:  Well, this depends on whether you actually want for him to come home or not.  If you could care less whether he comes home, then you’re under no obligation to react in a certain way.  But, if you do want to save your marriage, then you may want to show some empathy.  You could try the strategy where you announce that you’re sorry that he’s unhappy since you love him and you want for the two of you to be happy together.  You could also ask what he believes would make him more happy in this situation and then listen very closely to what he has to say.  Because if he is truly miserable, the chances are good that he is going to try to lighten his own load and that he will try to help you come up with solutions because he doesn’t want to continue to be unhappy.

And while it’s unfortunate that he’s miserable, this could be the stimulus that you need to get your marriage back on track. In this way, you can turn a negative into a positive so that the discomfort that you are both feeling right now is eventually worth it.

Unfortunately for me, my husband was miserable during our separation not because he missed me, but because he was so frustrated with my behavior. In my defense, my behavior was caused by my fear of losing him. But it was my behavior that almost made my fears a reality. It wasn’t until I got control of my actions and completely changed course that I was able to save my marriage. If it helps, you can read the whole story my blog http://isavedmymarriage.com

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