My Husband Is Worried About What His Family Will Think If We Get Back Together.
By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who are very afraid that they are never going to be able to get back together with the husband that they still love. This can be very frustrating when you know in your heart that your husband still loves you and that your marriage might stand a chance if it weren’t for other people who are trying to interfere in your life. This is especially true if the people who are interfering are part of your husband’s family.
I heard from a wife who said: “my husband’s family has never liked me. They have always given me the impression that they think that they are better than me. It’s true that I don’t have an ivy league education or a country club family but I’m smart and successful. I work very hard for what I have and I love their son. From the beginning of our marriage, his parents have interfered with our lives. My husband is very close with his parents so he happily put up with this. They have made it clear all along that they didn’t think I was treating their son fairly. They felt that my having a high stress job and leaving some of the child care responsibilities to him made me selfish. They also found out that we’ve been to counseling because we aren’t always compatible. In fact, things got so bad between us that my husband moved out and we became separated. I’ve grown a lot during the separation. And I now realize that I sometimes took my husband for granted. We’ve had a lot of discussions about this and we are getting closer all of the time. I thought that we were making real progress until the other night when my husband said ‘my parents are going to freak out if we get back together because they think I’ve finally come to my senses. I don’t want for think to think that I’ve lost my mind again.’ I was stunned. I know that his parents don’t like me, but I didn’t think that he cared this much about their opinion. What if him caring so much keeps us from getting back together?”
This was a difficult situation because the wife conceded that she had made some costly mistakes. But she was also insistent that she was committed to changing, making things right, and treating her husband how he deserved to be treated. In the following article, I’ll offer some tips on how to best handle it.
Understand That If You Prove Yourself To His Parents Over Time, They Will Often Come To Accept You And The Marriage: This couple had young children. So the wife had come to understand why her husband’s parents were so protective. No one wants to stand by and see their child be hurt or taken advantage of. And while the husband’s parents were pushy and meddlesome, the wife could clearly see that their intentions were out of love for their child.
The good news here is that often, if you show them that you have changed over time. , they will come to accept you. Sure, it may take a while. And yes, you will often have to show them with your actions instead of your words. But often, once they see that their son is happy and that the marriage agrees with him, they will usually accept and embrace the person who is making their son and their grandchildren happy. This is just human nature, despite the reservations that they may have had in the beginning.
Consider Having A Heartfelt Discussion With Everyone Involved: This situation was bothering the wife a great deal and yet, she hadn’t had a frank conversation with anyone. The first conversation should probably be with the husband. She might say something like: “I understand that you’re concerned about your parents. I don’t want their disapproval either. But I think that if we just move forward and they see us being happy, they will eventually accept it. I don’t have any intention of giving them anything to be unhappy about. I am confident that I can prove to them and to you that your trust isn’t misplaced. And, at the end of the day, it is our marriage and it is our decision. It isn’t any one else’s choice to make.”
Another option might be to have a frank discussion with the parents. If you think that they might be rude or if you fear that you might get confrontational, then it’s probably better to wait rather than to make things worse. But if you are confident that everyone can remain calm, you might say something like: “you know, there’s some concern about how you will feel if we reconcile. I can’t control how you feel, but I want to assure you that I have made some real changes and I believe that these changes will mean that we have a strong marriage and a happy family. Because that’s really all I want and I know that you want that too. I know that you have no reason to believe me until you see for yourself. But I just wanted to reassure you that I really do intend to make your son happy. And I know that his happiness is what we both want.”
Having this conversation may not change the parents’ minds immediately, but at least it will clear the air and set the stage. Now it was up to the wife to make good on her promises. If she did that, then they shouldn’t have anything to complain about or any reason to judge.
My husband’s parents were always supportive, even when we separated. But, he did have some friends who were pressuring him to get a divorce. I had to use these same tactics to overcome this. Eventually, we did save our marriage and now we have everyone’s support. If it helps, you can read more on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
Filed under: Uncategorized by admin
