I Made A Mistake And My Husband Left Me. Is It Possible To Get Him Back?
By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from people who fully realize that their mistake might cost them their marriage. Most of them are deeply sorry and are looking for a way to inspire their spouse to give them one more chance. Sometimes though, this is a tall order because their spouse has already left them or initiated a separation.
I heard from a wife who said: “I will admit that my marriage is in jeopardy because of my own actions. I was looking for attention online and my husband caught me. This has eroded the trust in my marriage. I was chatting with men on Facebook behind my husband’s back. Flirting in this way boosted my self esteem, which I desperately needed at the time because my husband wasn’t offering me much support. This isn’t an excuse. It’s just the truth. So I was corresponding in inappropriate ways with other people, but I never intended to cheat on my husband. I would never do that. My husband doesn’t believe this. And as soon as my husband read some of the correspondence, he packed his bags and left. We have talked a couple of times, but he certainly doesn’t go out of his way to call me. He says that he doesn’t know what our future holds, but he knows that he doesn’t trust me or want to be around me right now. I know that I can’t take any of this back. But in the future, I would love to get my husband back. Is this going to be possible? It’s so amazing to me that this one little mistake can cost me my marriage.”
Unfortunately, only time and perhaps a little work was going to determine if it was possible to get this husband back. Only he could make that decision. With that said, I believe that there are things that you can do to substantially increase your chances of getting him back. I will discuss that more in the following article.
Know That None Of This Is Impossible, But You Need To Make It Clear That This Mistake Will Never Be Repeated: Plenty of couples reconcile and end up staying together while happily married after one of them makes a huge mistake. But, this doesn’t always happen on its own. You will often have to earn the trust that has been lost. And you will have do something to prove to him that whatever caused you to make the mistake in the first place has been resolved.
In this case, it was probably safe to assume that the husband questioned his wife’s loyalty and faithfulness to him. Sure, she could claim that she never intended to cheat. But most people will read those steamy emails and worry that it was only a matter of time before things turned physical. And it’s also perfectly normal to assume that your spouse turned to someone else because you couldn’t provide what they needed at home. This can lead to insecurity and a serious breach of trust. I don’t say this to rub salt into your wounds. I say this because I want for you to have a realistic assessment of what you have to overcome, which leads me to my next point.
Be Willing To Be Patient And Sincere: I know first hand that it is easy to panic when your spouse leaves you. It is lonely and scary. And it is absolutely normal to want to get him back as soon as possible. But here is what you sometimes do not consider. He will often need some time in order to feel safe and justified in believing in you again. He will often need to wait and see how you act and what you do. He may well suspect that as soon as the two of you are separated, you might pick right up with one of the other men with whom you were corresponding. So, it may be a while before he is satisfied that you are really only interested in him and in repairing your marriage.
Not only that, but if you immediately start pushing for him to come home, then he is going to suspect that you are willing to say or do anything in order to get your way. But, he may worry about what happens when or if he comes back home. He may think that your words are just empty and only meant to help you obtain a short term goal. This is why he will often be hesitant to believe what you are saying. And that is where patience comes in. You will often need to show him your sincerity over the long term. Because this is the only way that he is going to trust that you are sincere and that you are in this marriage for the long haul.
Understand That He May Need Some Repeated Reassurances: It may be normal for your husband to have doubts about your marriage and about your loyalty to him. To that end, he may repeatedly ask you the same questions or express the same doubts. And yes, this can be troublesome for you. Because you may feel as if you are offering the same reassurances over and over again. But try not to lose your patience. Understand that all of this is necessary because of your own actions. But don’t give up. Plenty of couples make it past this. Yes, you may have to accept slow and gradual gains and you may have to work very hard to reestablish the trust, but it is possible.
Accept Slow Gains: Remember when I talked about how normal it was for your husband to have doubts? This is why you may have to accept slow gains. And this can actually be beneficial because gradual changes are more likely to be seen as sincere and they are more likely to stick. Be willing to just reestablish the communication and to begin to rebuild your relationship before you suddenly start asking him to come back home. Be willing to show him gradual results that he can believe in before you ask him for anything in return. And don’t make excuses. Take responsibility for your actions and take responsibility for making this right.
I don’t want for anyone to be discouraged. I believe that it is often possible to save your marriage even when things look very bleak. Countless people told me that my marriage was over, but I hung in there and refused to give up. And this attitude helped me save my marriage. If it helps, you can read the whole story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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