Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: One of the hardest times you might feel in your marriage is when you feel the man that you love with all of your heart slipping away – the one that you built all your hopes and dreams on – the one you thought you’d grow old with.

Even worse, we’re not talking about a huge argument, a deal breaker, or the crossing of a line. No, we’re talking about a quiet shift. More silence, an undeniable distance, just an undeniable feeling that you can’t shake. You feel, in your gut, that he’s stopped showing up for you emotionally, little by little – until it is undeniable that there has been a shift in your marriage and you don’t like it.

Still, you might second guess yourself and wonder if you are seeing things that just aren’t there. So what are the signs that he has checked out and he doesn’t care deeply about you anymore, even if he’s not saying it with words?  Here are some signs that he is saying it with his actions, even if he isn‘t necessarily saying it with words.

1. You Feel Like You’re Talking to a Brick Wall: Communication is the lifeline of any relationship, especially a marriage. And it’s not just about talking, it’s about being heard. It’s about not having to say anything and still knowing that he gets you.

If your husband used to engage in deep conversations and now you get one-word answers, distracted nods, grunts, or no response at all, that’s not a good sign and may be an indicator that he has a ticket to check out lane.

When a man stops caring, he stops listening, too. Not because he’s being malicious or he wants to be mean or is trying to punish you, but because he’s disconnected from you. He no longer sees your experiences as those that are as important as his own. And that is a huge problem.

Ask yourself: When was the last time he asked about something important to me and really listened to (and cared) about my answer?

2. The Affection Has Vanished And Is Nowhere In Sight: Remember the casual kisses? The hand-holding? The back rubs? If those things are gone and it’s not due to an identifiable stressor (like illness, exhaustion, or a job loss), this can be a big nonverbal signal that trouble is afoot.

Men may not always be verbal, but they speak volumes through their touch. When that physical connection disappears, it can mean they’re no longer invested in keeping the emotional spark alive. And we all know, that emotional connection leads to physical connection. If he’s ready to give that up, your marriage could be heading to an undesirable place.

3. He Is Indifferent, Even During A Fight: This one may surprise you. Do you really want a fight? Actually, you want to see some emotion because that means he is still invested. When he’s indifferent, it could mean he doesn’t care enough to feel or show emotion. If he still cared, conflict would bother him and he would want to resolve it. Instead, he’s detached. Don’t mistake that for peaceful. If he says things like, “Whatever,” or “I don’t care. Do what you want.” That’s not compromise—it’s withdrawal.”

4. You’re the Only One Trying And The Only One Who Cares: A healthy marriage takes effort from both people. If you’re the one always initiating conversation, planning dates, or trying to address issues while he shrugs them off or avoids them, that’s a problematic imbalance.

You shouldn’t have to beg for his attention. And if you do, that’s a signal he may no longer be prioritizing your marriage. You ultimately deserve to feel like you’re in a partnership—not a one-sided mission to save what’s left. But you may have to work to get there.

5. He Doesn’t Ask About An Immediate Future With You Anymore:  When a husband cares about you in the present moment, he includes you in his future plans—whether that means vacations, saving for a home, or planning for your joint retirement. If those conversations have stopped, or he seems vague or uninterested when you bring them up, it could mean his vision of the future doesn’t include you.

6. He Stops Noticing You: People who are committed to each other consciously orbit each other, acknowledge each other, and crave each other. Noticing you matters. It’s the little things – like noticing when you wear something new when you take time with your makeup, or when you make an effort for him.

If he’s not doing that now, he may be disconnected – to you specifically.

And that kind of invisibility cuts deep.

7. He’s Invested in Everything But You: You may notice that he is still invested in work, friends, and hobbies. Just not you. It’s fine to have separate interests. But if he is more engaged with other people than with you, this is something to seriously examine. If you’re getting what’s left of him instead of the best of him, that imbalance can chip away at the marriage over time.

How Can You Handle It When You Suspect He Doesn’t Care Anymore: I know these things can seem daunting, but it doesn’t mean you can’t turn this around. It may take finesse. It may take patience. It may even take a little gameplay. But you can do it. I know because I did it and I saw more of the signs than I have listed here. You can read about how I did it here at https://isavedmymarriage.com.

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