Leslie Cane Articles

by: Leslie Cane: I get a lot of emails and correspondence from women who are afraid that their husband is “falling out of love” with them. People often ask me for signs, signals, or clues to look for which might indicate that this is true. They are trying to match the behavior that they are seeing with behaviors that might indicate that their husband has checked out of the marriage. They want to be able to successfully identify what they are dealing with so that they can effectively fix it. So, in the following article, I’ll discuss some of the signs that I often see when the husband thinks that he has fallen out of love with the wife.

Sign Number One That He Might Be Losing His Feelings: The Way He Looks At You And The Loving Gestures Begin To Lessen: Probably the first sign that many people see is that their husband just looks at them differently. While his face used to light up or he would turn his head to look at you every time you entered the room, now you are lucky if he even gives you a passing glance. If he looks at you at all, it’s with a blank stare that doesn’t show any emotion or it’s even indicative of negative emotion. I often hear women say things like “it’s like he doesn’t even see me anymore or it’s as if he’s looking right through me like he doesn’t even care.”

Usually, after you begin seeing differences in the way he looks at you, you will also see the loving gestures that he used when he touched you start to wane as well. There’s fewer brushes of your arm, hand holding, back rubs, hugs, or him just grabbing you to bring you close to him. You’ll often see changes in his body language also. He’ll often slightly shift his weight back on his heels as if (moving away) rather than on the balls of his feet (moving forward) as he did before. He will often smile less in response to you, and be in sort of defensive postures and stances. Sometimes his arms are crossed, his lips are pursed, and his hands are closed tightly or clinched. In short, he’s no longer giving you welcoming postures or leaning in toward you because he wants to be closer.

Sign Of His Falling Out Of Love Number Two: He No Longer Includes You As Much (Or Avoids You,) And When You Are Around. You Don’t Feel As Welcome: So, we’ve talked about what you might see in terms of his expressions and gestures. Now, we’ll talk about the fact that often the amount of time that you are together might be lessened. And this is often not your choice. Husbands who have fallen out of love with their wives will often make excuses or will set it up so that they aren’t home nearly as much as they used to be. This might not even be a conscious behavior of theirs. They are usually simply reacting to the fact that they don’t feel as positive about their situation when they are with you (as unfair as this is) so they would rather be somewhere else.

You’ll often see them finding reasons why they can’t be home as much. They might begin to spend more time at their job or suddenly have new hobbies or reasons to spend time with their friends. And, when you do spend time together or manage to go along, you’ll just feel as though he might wish they you weren’t there. He isn’t as warm, welcoming, or as receptive as you would like for him to be. You might get a distinct impression that his preference might be that you weren’t there at all.

Sign Number Three: He’s Only Going Through The Motions: Sometimes, the husband will retreat in terms of intimacy. The couple is not having sex or they are not having it nearly as frequently as they used to. Other times, they are still having it but the wife gets the vibe that her husband is only going through the motions in all aspects of the marriage. Yes, the tasks are still there, but you can tell that he’s just not all that into it anymore. A shift has occurred that, although he might be denying that anything is wrong, you know in your heart that it very much is.

My Take On A Husband “Falling Out Of Love” With His Wife: Admittedly, I have just listed what I most commonly see occurring in this situation. But, I have to be honest and tell you that I often don’t buy that someone really does “fall out of love” or “stops loving you.”  I think that these phrases are vastly overused and have become cliche. And if I had bought the validity of either of these phrases, I might not have saved my own marriage.

For the most part, at least in my view, the feelings are still there somewhere and the things that you brought you together, in the beginning, can usually be brought back. Honestly, the feelings “changing” usually follow right along behind the time allocations and priorities changing. This is just real life and it happens. We have responsibilities and obligations that mean that we can no longer be joined at the hip. But, when this shift happens, the marriage can become quite vulnerable, and eventually, quite stale.

And, people will often mistake this for something else and think that love has been lost. The love hasn’t gone anywhere. Yes, it’s buried under the fact that both of you are no longer on your best behavior and are no longer placing your highest priority on each other. Yes, it’s unrealistic to think that this can continue forever. Love does eventually fade as a result of neglect. But, sometimes, even small shifts and changes can eventually bring about a shift in feelings as well.

People sometimes make the mistake of thinking that once love is supposedly lost, there isn’t much that you can do. I’m living proof that this just isn’t true. And the sooner you begin to shift your attention and make some meaningful changes, the easier it becomes to fix this.

Unfortunately, I almost waited too long to change my actions when my husband had checked out of our marriage and was supposedly no longer “in love” with me. Making things better took a lot of finesse on my part, but it was worth it. I was eventually able to save my marriage.  You can read that story at http://isavedmymarriage.com