How To Inspire Your Husband To Love You Like He Once Did
By: Leslie Cane: A very common — and heartbreaking — question from wives is this: “How can I get my husband to love me the way he used to?” Sometimes, the spark feels like it’s gone. Other times, he’s emotionally checked out, distant, or maybe you’ve already had serious talks about separating.
No matter where you are in your marriage right now, there are a few tips that I can offer you from experience and some tricks to avoid some of the biggest missteps wives make when they’re desperate to pull their husband closer — often without realizing it’s pushing him further away.
Can You Really “Make” Him Love You Again?: Here’s the thing. The idea of “making” someone love you back feels almost like forcing or tricking — and that’s not what any of us truly wants in a lasting, honest relationship.
If you want your husband to truly love you again, then your goal is not to pressure him, but to inspire him. You want to stir up the loving feelings he used to associate with you — the feelings that are likely still buried underneath stress, distance, and time.
I understand the fear you might be feeling as you read these words. When a husband starts slipping away, it feels terrifying. It can make you want to do something — anything — to stop the bleeding. But I promise, the most common reactions (begging, arguing, chasing, threatening, debating, putting on the drama) usually just create more emotional discomfort.
They turn a wounded husband into a retreating one. Instead, I know from experience that you want to focus on actions that are positive, authentic, and magnetic (they pull him toward you rather than away.) You’re not being manipulative. Not heavy-handed. But powerful, nonetheless.
Focus On the Positive — But Keep It Real: Sometimes, we think things like: “Let’s work on this” or “Why are you doing this to me?” will spark or force him into a meaningful conversation. But the truth? Most husbands hear blame or tension in those words. And they shut down. They turn away from you. They close their ears. That’s why your approach matters so much. You don’t want to tiptoe into fake cheerfulness or try to play games — men can sense that, and it usually backfires.
But you do want to show up in a way that reintroduces positive associations when he’s around you. Ask yourself: What kind of emotional experience does he have when you interact right now? Is he greeted with warmth or weariness? Openness or tension? Start observing those small moments, and gently shift them.
Return to the Woman He First Fell For: You may not even realize it, but you probably used to radiate warmth, attention, and openness toward your husband, not out of strategy, but because love made it effortless. And when he responded in kind, it created this beautiful cycle. You can tap into that again.
Start small. Make a list of the qualities he used to adore in you (your laugh, your playfulness, your patience, your ability to truly listen). And also — remind yourself of what you used to love in him.
No, this isn’t about faking a version of yourself from the past. It’s about remembering her — and letting her shine through again, in ways that are real and sustainable.
Understand What Makes Him Feel Loved: I believe that men aren’t nearly as mysterious as they seem. Yes, they may not always communicate the way we do, but at their core, most husbands long for the same things we do. They want to feel important, seen, valued, respected, and loved.
And unfortunately, many men feel like they’ve slowly dropped to the bottom of the priority list — behind kids, work, family, even social media. That’s not to say you’re doing anything wrong on purpose. Life gets busy. But if he’s feeling forgotten, that’s something over which we have control.
Show him, in small but sincere ways, that he still matters. Listen when he speaks. Ask how he’s really doing. Notice the things he’s proud of, and say so. These efforts add up.
You Can Still Turn This Around: I know it may feel impossible right now. I’ve been there myself. I almost waited too long before realizing how much my own words and actions were affecting my husband’s willingness to open back up. It took a 180-degree shift — one that required intention and patience — but it was worth every bit of it. And I can tell you with certainty: love can come back. But it doesn’t start with pleading. It starts with you — showing up in a way that draws him in, instead of pushing him away. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be real. Open. Willing. And steady.
If you’d like to read more about how I was able to save my own marriage — and the exact steps I used — I share my full story here: https://isavedmymarriage.com/
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