Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: If you’re looking for advice on how to get your husband back, I suspect you’re in a place that’s both painful and frightening. Maybe your husband has mentioned divorce. Maybe he’s emotionally checked out. Or maybe your marriage just doesn’t feel like home anymore. I’ve spoken with many women in this exact situation—and I’ve been there myself.

I know how easy it is to panic, to feel desperate, and to want to fix everything immediately. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my own experience and from the many wives who’ve written me over the years, it’s this: The first steps you take right now are incredibly important. They can either begin to turn things around—or push your husband further away.

Let’s talk about how to make sure you’re setting the right tone and starting this process in a way that gives you the best chance of success. And how to avoid the things that will thwart you.

Always Remember Your Ultimate Goal: Make Him Want to Come Back (Without Begging or Pressuring:) One of the biggest mistakes I see wives make—and one I made myself—is trying to “convince” their husband to come back. Or trying to negotiate him back or drag him back with logic. To that end, we try to show him how much we love him. We remind him of the good times. We promise change. And we do these things with the very best intentions. But too often, they backfire. They sound like the Charlie Brown teacher to him.

Why? Because when a man is already pulling away, emotional pressure—no matter how subtle—can feel like a burden. It feels – and sounds – like something he wants to block out. And when we text or nag him constantly, chase him, or plead for another chance, we don’t look like the woman he fell in love with. We look needy. We look scared. We look unsure of ourselves. We look faulty. And unfortunately, that only reinforces his doubts.

Here’s something I say often: your husband must want to come back on his own. Not because you wore him down. Not because he feels guilty. But because something about you pulls him in again—like it did in the beginning. And because your repeated actions have shown him that he can actually trust what you are saying.

First Step: Stop the Emotional Flooding: You absolutely can (and should) express that you care and that you don’t want your marriage to end. But say it once—calmly and clearly. You don’t need to keep repeating it. Step back. Give the words space to breathe and to have an impact.

Why? Because after you’ve made your feelings known, what your husband is watching isn’t your words. It’s your actions. And your next moves are going to either reaffirm the attractive, self-respecting woman he once adored—or confirm his fears that the marriage can’t be repaired.

This is when you begin the subtle, powerful shift that can truly make a difference. But make it genuine. It is easy to tell the difference.

Return to the Woman He Fell in Love With – You Need Her As Much As He Does: It’s no secret that life wears on us. Work, parenting, bills, aging parents—those things aren’t romantic. They’re exhausting. Over time, many of us lose touch with the vibrant, confident version of ourselves who once laughed easily, flirted freely, and saw her husband as the center of her world. You don’t do this on purpose. You do this because other things – things that are LEGITIMATELY important – demand your time.

I’m not saying this to blame you. In fact, I’d bet you didn’t even notice it happening. I didn’t, either. And honestly, these things HAVE to be done. We have an obligation to take care of other family members. We have an obligation to do right by our workplace. These things are normal. All human beings must juggle them. But they come at a cost.

But they don’t mean that the woman who once captivated your husband doesn’t still live inside you. She may be tired, but she’s not gone.

Now is the time to begin reconnecting with her—not just for your husband’s benefit, but for yours, too.

Take a quiet moment and ask yourself: What used to light me up? What parts of myself have I let go of—and why? This isn’t about making drastic, superficial changes. It’s about rediscovering what makes you feel alive. When you begin doing that, you naturally become more attractive—not just to your husband, but to yourself.

Focus on Positive Feelings That Reconnect, Not Dramatic Gestures: Here’s something many women overlook: men often respond more to how they feel around you than to what you say or even how you look.

You don’t need to be younger, prettier, or smarter. But you do need to remind your husband what it felt like to be with you when things were good. That means warmth. Lightness. Positivity. And yes, even joy. It means being a fabulous listener. People pay good money just to have people listen to them. But make it so he doesn’t need to do that. Because he has you.

This doesn’t mean you ignore the situation. But it does mean you choose your moments. You create opportunities where the energy feels light instead of heavy. You rebuild from a place of connection instead of confrontation.

Even if he’s distant right now, create small moments of positivity— in whatever ways you can find it. That might be through shared interests, mutual friends, or simply by carrying yourself with quiet confidence. Trust me when I say, word travels. And when he sees or hears about this renewed version of you, he may begin to wonder what (and who) he’s walking away from.

Love Him, But Never Ever Lose Yourself: It’s perfectly okay to want your husband back. I wanted mine back, too. But the turning point didn’t come from chasing him or convincing him. It came when I stopped pouring everything into someone who wasn’t responding—and started pouring it into myself.

You don’t have to choose between loving your husband and loving yourself. In fact, the best way to bring him back is to show him that the woman he once admired still exists—and is strong enough to hold her own, even right now.

If He’s Not Receptive: If your husband isn’t receptive right now, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. This is often a process of baby steps. But the foundation is the same: emotional self-control, rediscovered confidence, and a steady focus on rebuilding attraction and connection—without pushing.

I know this works because I lived it. I was the only one trying to save my marriage, and it didn’t happen overnight. But once I stopped making the wrong moves and started showing up as my best self again, things slowly shifted. The distance began to close. And eventually, I got my marriage back.

You can read more about how I did it—and the exact strategies I used—on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com.

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