Leslie Cane Articles

I often write about saving marriages. Over the years, I’ve learned that when a wife reaches out to me saying she’s “not sure” about going through with a divorce, that uncertainty speaks volumes. In fact, when there’s hesitation—when she says things like, “What if this is a mistake? What if I’ll regret it later?” It usually tells me that her heart isn’t fully convinced that ending the marriage is what she truly wants.

Of course, there are always exceptions, and there are some important things to consider before deciding whether divorce is truly the right step.

When Divorce Is Truly The Best Option: Although I believe most marriages can be improved or even saved with the right effort and mindset, there are certain situations when divorce is the healthiest and safest choice.

If you’re living with physical, emotional, sexual, or verbal abuse, or if there’s addiction that your spouse refuses to acknowledge or address, then protecting yourself (and your children, if you have them) must come first. In those situations, you’re not giving up—you’re doing what’s necessary to preserve your wellbeing.

If continuing the marriage is dangerous or deeply damaging, it’s best to step away as quickly and cleanly as possible so you can begin to heal.

In most other cases, the question isn’t so clear-cut. That’s why I often ask wives to take an honest look at their attitude toward the marriage and their husband.

If you feel truly indifferent – if there’s no love, no anger, no sadness, no hope – then that often signals that the relationship has run its natural course. But, in my experience, true indifference is rare. More often, I see women who still feel something: pain, longing, confusion, even quiet love they don’t quite know what to do with.

When you still have strong emotions – positive or negative – it usually means there are still unresolved feelings and unfinished conversations. Sometimes pride or fear of rejection keeps you from expressing what’s really in your heart.

The couples who part peacefully are the ones who can honestly wish each other well, without hurt, resentment, or lingering what-ifs. But most of the women who reach out to me aren’t there yet—and that’s a sign that there’s still something worth examining before you make a final decision.

A Visualization Exercise That Might Help: Years ago, a counselor asked me to do an exercise that ended up changing how I saw my own marriage. She told me to close my eyes and picture my life five years in the future—after the divorce. I was to imagine myself at an ordinary event: maybe a concert, a dinner, or a movie. And then she asked me to picture my husband there too – with someone else.

She wanted to know how I’d feel in that moment.

My first reaction was to ask, “Well, who am I there with? Am I happy? Am I okay?” And she simply said, “That’s up to you.”

When I truly pictured the scene, I didn’t like how it felt. I couldn’t bear the thought of him being with someone else, or of another woman being a stepmother to my children. And when I imagined my own life without him, it didn’t feel peaceful or free – it felt hollow. That was when I realized my heart wasn’t ready to let go.

If you try this exercise and find yourself feeling indifferent or even relieved, then maybe you’re emotionally ready to move on. But if it stirs sadness, longing, or uncertainty, that’s your intuition telling you that there’s still something left to explore before finalizing a divorce.

What Most Divorces Really Come Down To: When people tell me the reasons they want to divorce, they often list the same familiar issues: constant fighting, financial stress, infidelity, or simply “falling out of love.”

But underneath those surface-level problems, most divorces actually stem from one central loss – the loss of connection. Somewhere along the way, the friendship, affection, and intimacy that once made the relationship strong begin to fade.

Life gets busy. Work, children, and responsibilities pile up. Before long, you’re two people sharing a life but not really sharing each other. But when a couple is still close and deeply connected, the outside stresses don’t break them—they weather them together.

The hopeful news is that connection can be rebuilt. If two people can once fall in love and build something meaningful, they can often find their way back to that foundation again—with time, patience, and effort.

Picking Up The Pieces (If You Want To Try Again): Many women tell me, “What you’re saying makes sense. I’m not indifferent. I still care. But I have no idea where to start.”

My advice is always the same: start small. Don’t try to fix everything overnight.

Instead, look for little moments that allow for warmth and ease. Have a simple meal together. Go for a short walk. Share a laugh. The goal is not to solve the big issues right away—it’s to reintroduce positivity and rebuild the small habits that once made you enjoy each other’s company.

Remember, you’ve already fallen in love with this man once before. You know it’s possible. The key now is to slowly create the kind of environment where that love can grow again—without pressure, without deadlines, and without fear.

In my own marriage, it was actually my husband who wanted the divorce. I remember standing at that same crossroads, asking myself if I wanted to keep fighting or if I should simply accept the inevitable.

But something in me wasn’t ready to let go. So I decided to fight for us. And, looking back, it was the best decision I ever made.

If you’re in that uncertain space – wondering whether divorce is truly right for you – give yourself permission to pause. Listen to your heart, not just your exhaustion. Sometimes, what feels like the end is really just a call to start rebuilding in a new, healthier way.

You can read the full story of how I saved my marriage at http://isavedmymarriage.com.