Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: One of the most common questions that I get on my blog is “how can I make my husband change his mind about divorcing me?” This is a loaded question, of course. The answer is going to be different depending upon what is causing your husband to want to divorce you in the first place. However, I do find that there are some common strategies among wives who are successful in getting their husband to change his mind about saving their marriage. So in the following article, I’m going to discuss what I believe are some of the right and wrong ways to try to accomplish this.

What You Don’t Want To Do When You’re Trying To Get Your Husband To Decide He Doesn’t Want To Divorce You After All: Before I tell you what I think are some of the best strategies in getting him to change his mind, I want to cover what I almost never see work so that you will hopefully avoid these things.

First and most importantly, you don’t want to rely upon negativity in any form. What this means is that if you try to make him feel negative emotions like pity, guilt, fear, or shame, you are less likely to have long term success. So you don’t want to tell your husband that he is an awful and selfish person to leave his family. You don’t want to threaten to take half of every financial asset that he has. You don’t want to tell him that no one else will love and understand him in the way that you do. Don’t insinuate that you will refuse to give him a divorce or fight him every step of the way.

I know that sometimes these strategies might feel like all you have left. So it’s tempting to think that anything is worth a try if it means getting him back. But these tactics will often only make him want to divorce you with more intensity and speed. He will want to get away from you more quickly because you’re making him feel negatively about himself or his situation. The real key in making him change his mind about the divorce is to get him to feel better (not worse) about you, your marriage, and your situation, which leads me to the next point.

Understand What It Really Takes To Get Your Husband To Change His Mind About The Divorce: Instead of trying truly desperate measures to get him to change his mind, you need to understand what it really takes. He has to come to realize that he was wrong about his perceptions regarding your marriage and you. Or, he needs to come to believe that those true things that he believed have now changed somehow. It’s up to decide to decide which strategy is the most realistic for you and easiest to accomplish.

For example, let’s say, just for the sake of argument, that you cheated on him but are now beyond sorry. There is really no way to flip this to make him realize that his perceptions about the cheating were wrong or inaccurate. The facts are right in front of him and they are undeniable. So you really can’t change his perceptions about your cheating. But you may have a chance of successfully convincing him of something else.

Perhaps you can show him changes and improvements that you have made to yourself so that he can feel more comfortable changing his belief that your marriage can not be saved after the infidelity. Do you see the difference? You’re not trying to change his mind about the infidelity because you can’t really argue that point. But, you’re trying to change his mind about the future of your marriage. And the easiest way to do that is to show him real and profound changes in you so that he thinks more favorably about being married to the new and improved you.

Here’s another example. Sometimes, husbands will want a divorce because they think the love and the spark are gone. However, you may know this is not entirely true. You may look at your marriage and have your own theories. Perhaps you think that the stress your husband is under is clouding his perceptions of you, your marriage, and his life. Or maybe you think that some of his friends and family members are unduly influencing him. In this scenario, you are probably better off trying to change his perceptions about the circumstances that surround your marriage.

In a situation like this, your job is to take a step back and figure out the best way to make him see that he’s just wrong. Perhaps the best way to do this is to stop focusing on what is wrong and to start focusing on what is right. Maybe you need to show him rather than tell him that you absolutely can still connect on a physical level. Whatever it is that is clouding his perceptions about you and the marriage needs to be removed in the most genuine way possible

Make Sure That Whatever Strategy You Chose Comes Off As Natural And Not As A Desperate, Last Effort Move That Is In Your Best Interest Rather Than His: When you decide on your strategy, it’s important to also think very carefully about how you are going to carry it out. The worst thing that you can do is to make it very obvious that you are only trying to manipulate your husband for your own gain.

Don’t attempt any strategy that you can not pull off as genuine. This is so important. If you skip this step and your husband thinks you’re only play acting or thinking of your own objectives, then you might actually make things worse. Always navigate toward acting in a way that is healthy and beneficial for both of you. At the end of the day, you want to be happily married in a very mutual and healthy relationship.

So, don’t do anything that might jeopardize this. Remember that if your husband understands that you really do want for him to be happy with his life, he is much more likely to respond favorably to you than if he suspects that you’re only thinking about yourself and your desire to change his mind about the divorce.

Needless to say, when I was attempting to change my husband’s mind about divorcing me, I did many of the things that I’m telling you not to do. But, I ended up saving my marriage by eventually catching on and deciding to try the strategies I’m suggesting you use instead. If it helps, you can read the very emotional story of how I accomplished this on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

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