Leslie Cane Articles

by: Leslie Cane: If you’re asking yourself the question of how to get your husband back, then I have to assume that your husband has either physically or emotionally left the marriage, but you don’t want a divorce or separation. The good news is that by researching how to get him back, you’ve shown that you have the initiative to save the marriage. Contrary to what some people believe, I believe that sometimes, it’s absolutely possible to save a marriage when you’re the only one who wants to. I’ve done that myself.  Sure, you’ll need to have your husband on board eventually, but there are many repairs that you can do on your own.

Step One:  Don’t Panic: This seems so obvious, but I think that it’s the number one mistake that wives make.  Anytime the words “divorce,” “trial separation,” or “splitting up,” are muttered or hinted at, wives panic.  And when they panic, they go into overdrive and act in such a way that is not typical of them and can seem very unattractive to their husbands.

I understand why we do this because I did it too. Your thoughts are telling you that the longer your husband is gone, the harder it is going to be to win him back.  So, you feel like you have to do something drastic immediately to change his mind and get him home.  While this thinking seems to make sense, it will drive you to do desperate things that will really push your husband further away.  A wife who acts irrationally and panicked and who’s calling, texting, following, or arguing all of the time is going to be a wife that a husband wants to get away from that much more.  Don’t fall into this trap and panic.  It will hurt your chances of getting your husband back more than it helps them.

Step Two: Set The Stage For Getting The Feelings Back By Finding Something That You Can Agree On: The biggest thing preventing getting back together with your husband is often not what most people think.  Most people assume that external factors like another woman are keeping their husband away. Or sometimes, insurmountable problems, stress, or crisis situations are cited.

All of these things are typically a symptom of a problem marriage rather than the cause.  The real reason husbands often leave is that they’ve lost the feelings that the relationship used to elicit in them.  They no longer feel intimate and connected and either don’t know how to or don’t want to (at least right now) return these positive feelings.

To get your husband back, you need to get the feelings to return as quickly as you can (without taking drastic, unbecoming actions.)  Remember that you can’t get close to your husband if he’s always ducking you or isn’t receptive to you. You don’t want to be on opposite sides or be arguing with him or be confrontational.

Instead, you want to be on his side (or at least make him think that you are). You do this by agreeing with him. Of course, what you choose to agree upon will depend upon your situation.  You may agree that the marriage needs work, or that he needs a break, or you may just pretend to agree with what he states is the cause of “wanting out.”

Before you become too resistant to this to give it a try, remember that you are doing it as a way to ultimately get what you want.  Ask yourself if you’d rather be right all the time or if you’d rather be happy.  Don’t let your anger and holding on to injustices keep you from reaching your goal. Understand that pretending to agree with your husband will immediately lessen any anger, tension, or awkwardness and this will put you in a much better place to repair your marriage.

Step Three: Make Your Husband Want To Come Back To You By  Presenting The Best Version Of Yourself (The Woman He Fell In Love With): Once you’ve at least pretended to agree and your husband, and he becomes more receptive to you, then, every chance you get, you want to present him with the woman he first fell in love with.

Now, this can be tricky.  Because you don’t want to be that nagging, hanging-on wife that we discussed earlier. The one who follows him around or acts like she is trying too hard. Your husband can’t suspect or think that you’re playing insincere games or have some sinister plan to get him back.  If he does, he’ll just become more resistant and the process will be harder.

Instead, you want to demonstrate that although you love your husband and very much want him back, you also love yourself enough to live your life as the attractive, intriguing, interesting, busy, full-of-life woman he first fell in love with.  This means that you get out and see friends, you pursue old hobbies and the things that made you happy, and you work on yourself.  I promise this will bring your husband closer to you rather than further away.  He’s likely going to become intrigued and wonder what is up with this new you.

Please think about the woman your husband first fell in love with and honestly evaluate how far you are from her today and make adjustments. And, I’m not just talking about looks and youth.  In fact, that’s really the least important thing (although you should absolutely look your personal best when you interact with your husband).  What’s most important is that you’re able to return the positive, loving, and empathetic feelings that made your husband want to marry you in the first place. This will make getting him back so much easier.

The truth is, you’re probably closer to getting your husband back than you think. Why? Because you’ve already made him fall in love with you once.  Therefore, you intuitively know what you have to do to make your husband fall in love with you again.

So, get moving.  And reintroduce yourself, (so you can eventually reintroduce your husband) to your old, engaging, loving, captivating self. Because in the end, (if you play your cards right and implement these methods in a convincing way), she’s what’s going to bring your husband back to you.