How Can I Tell If My Husband Doesn’t See Me As His Wife Anymore?
By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who can’t help but notice that their husband no longer treats them in the same loving way. He either pretty much ignores them or treats them in negative or neutral ways. Regardless, he no longer treats them like a cherished wife. Sometimes, they confront him about this and ask him what has changed. It is rare for a husband to be able to openly admit the truth and explain the change.
Many men will dismiss your concerns and tell you that you are expecting too much. Some will explain that once you have been married for a while, things just naturally cool off. This leaves the wife wondering if she is creating problems where none exist or is seeing problems that just are not there.
A situation like this one might be described as: “for the past year and a half, my husband has almost treated me like someone who doesn’t exist. He acts like I am just the woman who picks up his dry cleaning, takes care of his children, and occasionally warms his bed. He only talks to me about child rearing and household tasks. He used to confide in me about his hopes and dreams and issues at his job. He used to ask for my opinion about things. He used to joke with me. But no more. My sister actually came to stay with us for a few days last week. She brought her family with her. She and her husband have been married for a long time, but I could not help but notice that her husband is still very tender and loving toward her. I mentioned this to my sister and she said she could not help but notice how cold my husband is to me. She said ‘he acts as if he no longer sees you as his wife.’ I was upset by what she said, but now I have been thinking about it and wondering if it is true. How does a man treat a woman that he no longer sees as his wife? And does this mean that I am going to end up divorced?”
I can’t predict whether or not there will be a divorce. That depends on how unhappy your husband truly is, his attitude toward divorce, and how successful you are at addressing and fixing any issues. I can, however, tell you what I think are some signs that a man no longer sees a woman as his wife. I’ll list them below.
He No Longer Treats You Will Loving Respect: I think that this is often the first sign that something is wrong. When a man is actively in love with a woman, he does thoughtful things for her to show his feelings and respect. He opens doors for her. He services her car. He touches her when they are together to remind her of how he feels. Many men do these things without even thinking about them. They are simply a reflection of how he feels and an indication that he wants to take care of the woman he loves. When these things are absent, it can be cause for concern. Yes, when you are married are together for a while, he may not have his hands on you all of the time, but he should certainly still show that he cares for and wants to take care of you.
He’s No Longer Asking For Your Opinion Because He Doesn’t Seem To Care About It: This is another red flag. Many men respect and care about their wife’s opinion. He may not always act on her opinion. But he is interested to know what she thinks because he respects her intellect and perceptions. When he’s no longer seeking out your opinion and he doesn’t seek your advice or perception on anything, this could be a sign that he no longer respects your input or cares to receive it.
The Physical Connection Just Isn’t There: If there is one glue that holds a married couple together (even if they have started to struggle because of an outside stressor) it is usually a physical connection. This is just one of the perks of being married. Even if you and your spouse aren’t connecting on every level, for many couples, the physical intimacy is the glue that holds them together during rough times.
Unfortunately, there is sometimes a real tendency to try and ignore or rationalize this when it happens. People will tell themselves that it is normal for the passion to fade after being married for awhile. I did this sort of rationalization myself and I almost ended up divorced because of it.
Couples who have been married for a while may not be all over each other anymore in public. But in private, the bedroom light should still be burning. It is the sign of a healthy marriage. And if it isn’t there for any length of time, you want to ask yourself why.
Seeing these signs doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to end up divorced or that your husband doesn’t love you anymore. But it does suggest that you should give these issues your attention and figure out what might be contributing to your husband pulling away. Has there been a troublesome issue in your lives or marriage? Is there a stressor that you had hoped would resolve itself but obviously has not?
Now is the time to truly figure out what is wrong and to address it. You want him thinking of you as his wife as soon as possible. Because when he doesn’t, your marriage begins to be at risk.
Unfortunately, I know this because of experience. There was a time when my husband’s perception of me changed dramatically. I ignored it and this put our marriage in serious jeopardy and we ended up separated. It was a long, hard climb uphill to get my marriage back. You can read more on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
Filed under: Uncategorized by admin
