Does My Separated Husband Enjoy Being Single?
Many newly-separated wives imagine that their husband is now living the life of a college frat boy. You know that stereotype – the kid who is suddenly free from the watchful eye of his parents, so he’s living it up, high on his freedom and lack of responsibility. Maybe that’s a very unfortunate mental image, but many separated wives assume that their husband is suddenly going to embrace this type of partying lifestyle.
Someone might say, “I have been separated for only three weeks. One of my friends saw my husband out at a club. I don’t think that my husband has been to a club since college and this news shocked and upset me. I talked to him a couple of days after this and he sounded almost giddy and on top of the world. This really hurt. I did not have the heart to ask him if he was enjoying his freedom because it was really obvious that he was. Do most separated men enjoy the single life once the separation begins? I feel like I’m going to lose my husband simply because he prefers being single.”
It does depend on the man in question. Many men do report a sense of relief at first. They’ve often been dealing with a lot of volatility and conflict at home. So in the first days and weeks after the separation, stepping away from some of the high emotion can feel like a breath of fresh air. The calm can be refreshing. But the way that a man feels in the early stages of the separation can be very different from how he feels later.
What Statistics Show About Separated Or Divorced Men Enjoying The Single Life: Statistically speaking, divorced men are twice as likely to remarry as divorced women. And men remarry sooner than women. So, you could infer from these statistics that men who have been in a marriage typically do not fare very well alone or are not as happy alone. This would seem to run counter to the idea that a separated man will endlessly enjoy the single life. Here is another interesting and sad statistic: divorced men are twice as likely to commit suicide as married men – again driving home the idea that married men are generally more content. Of course, there are always exceptions. I am sure that there are many separated and divorced men who remain very happy with their circumstances.
Statistically though, men tend to want to be in stable relationships, which is why although some of them enjoy the single life at first, many of them do not remain single for long. They will either seek to reconcile with their wife or they will end up remarrying after a divorce. This gives you a unique opportunity if you want to save your marriage. It means that, at least if your husband falls along with the statistics and isn’t an exception to the rule, at some point the novelty of being single will wear off and he will want to be a in a stable, committed relationship again. If you can fix what issues remain in your marriage and make him believe that they are gone for good, then you will be in a good position to provide that committed relationship. After all, many people realize that it is potentially easier and more rewarding to fix the marriage that you have instead of starting all over again with a stranger and potentially having to deal with blended families, which can cause issues in a second marriage.
I hope this article has made you feel a little better. I am confident that my husband did feel some relief in the early days of our separation. He wanted his space and he got it. So I’m sure he thought that he was blissfully happy. This phase lasted for much longer than I would have liked, but eventually I was able to work it out so that he got to a place where he was ready to come to the table and work on our marriage. We did eventually reconcile. And if you asked him today, he’d tell you that he never wants to experience the single life again. There’s more about this on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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