Leslie Cane Articles

by: Leslie Cane: If you’ve found this article, I have to assume that, for some reason, you don’t feel completely loved by your husband. Maybe your marriage has lost intimacy, closeness, or commitment. Perhaps your husband has told you that he is unhappy, or has asked for a break, separation, or divorce. Obviously, I don’t know the specifics of your situation, but I do know that it’s absolutely possible to return the love of your husband by yourself, when you’re the only one who wants to, or are the only one making the effort. I know this because I have done it myself.

It is my opinion that there are really two major things (affection and commitment) you need to do to bring the love back in your marriage. This may seem simplistic, but it requires quite a few steps and takes a bit of hard work and intimate understanding of your husband (his mindset, his wants, needs, feelings, etc.) The good news is that you already have all of the tools you need to pull this off, which I’ll explain in this article.

Returning Positive Feelings, Falling Back “In Love,” And Putting The Spark Back In Your Marriage: The first thing you need to concentrate on if you want to return love to your marriage is NOT the problems that are causing the distance. This is a mistake that many people make. Wives sometimes want to discuss deep issues, awkward feelings, or problems that they perceive in the marriage. If you don’t remember anything else from this article, please remember this: men are more interested in experiencing the feelings and intimacy between you than in talking about them. While I believe that you absolutely will have to have deep conversations and address (and then fix) any recurring problems, it’s not wise to do this if you are not on very solid footing.

Instead, your first priority should be returning positive feelings of affection and empathy. Believe it or not, you have an advantage here. Why? Because your husband has already fallen deeply in love with you once, so much so that he married you. So, you know the qualities that made him fall in love, and therefore, you probably have a good handle on what he needs to be happy.

When I say this, many women will say, “But I’m not so young anymore,” or “I’m no longer carefree and beautiful.” Rest assured, this isn’t what I mean. While you should absolutely try to appear your very best when interacting with your husband, this doesn’t require that you look like Jessica Simpson.

Think back to when you were first dating your husband. What was it that made you click? I’d be willing to bet that the attention and interest you poured into the relationship made him feel loved, valued, attractive, intelligent, and interesting. Did this have anything to do with your looks? Maybe only a tiny portion. What probably really put a gleam in his eye was the fact that you really gave him your undivided attention and highly valued his happiness. He wants to feel this way again. If you can elicit these positive feelings again, everything else will likely fall back into place.

People deeply in love do not spend their time arguing, ignoring, or being hurtful to one another. This is why even if there are serious issues and problems between you, you should not delve into or fight about them until you can return to a place where both parties are experiencing pleasurable, affectionate, loving, and empathetic feelings. This is important because once you achieve this, working through problems is so much easier.

Mistakes You Shouldn’t Make When Trying To Win Back Your Husband’s Love: So, here is the tricky part. I’ve told you that you must make your husband fall back in love (or at least experience positive and empathetic feelings with you), and I’ve told you to reintroduce the qualities and attributes that made him first fall in love with you in the first place. Now, I’m telling you that you must be careful in the way that you do these things so that they don’t backfire.

Specifically, men do not like to feel manipulated. You can not try too hard here or appear too desperate. If your husband suspects you’re playing games or that this is not genuine, he’s only going to put up a higher wall or make even greater attempts to block you out.

So, while it’s important he knows that you love him and will start placing a higher priority on the happiness you both experience, you don’t want to appear desperate or a doormat. You don’t want to spell out for him what you are doing or why you are doing it.

So, I want you to do those things that bring out your very best qualities and commit to taking care of yourself. I want you to see your friends, spend more time doing the things you love, and appear as happy-go-lucky and as lighthearted as you can. (I know you’re probably thinking this will be a challenge, but it’s very important. I promise you will feel better as a result, and it will bring you closer (not further away) to your goals.)

This will likely pique your husband’s interest and will make you appear alluring and interesting. And, when it does, you will be there, waiting, with open arms.

Once your marriage is back to where you want it, you can then discuss the issues that need your attention and were creating distance, but in my experience, you shouldn’t attempt this until you are back on solid ground.

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