Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: If you’ve found this article, I have to assume that you either suspect or think your husband is not in love with you, or he’s blatantly told you this, either during an argument, serious discussion, or mention of a cool-off period, separation, or divorce. I find that when people ask this question (or are researching the answer to it) they want to know two things: 1) “Is there a way I can make my husband fall back in love with me?”; and 2) “Can I salvage the relationship and save the marriage?” I’ll attempt to answer these questions in this article with the information I learned from my own experience and countless hours of research I put in when trying to save my own marriage.

Can You Trust Or Believe What Your Husband Is Telling You?: A lot of times wives wonder if this falling out of love business is legitimate because spouses can sometimes be bad at communicating the true cause of their frustrations and often, this sort of talk comes out of the blue without any warning. More, men can sometimes send out very conflicting signals and messages. They may tell you they don’t love you one second and hold/reassure you the next. Or, they may still expect you to be intimate with them. It’s normal to wonder if this is the behavior of someone not in love since it sure seems they love you by their actions.

But, I believe that if your husband mutters these words, you should take them to heart, even if you may know they aren’t true. He probably does still love you, as love isn’t an emotion that typically turns off and on, but something’s bothering him enough to make him utter these words. So while they may not technically be true, what we know for sure is that, at least for right now, he’s fallen out of love with the relationship.

Why Husbands Fall Out Of Love (With The Marriage, Even If They Still Love You): I honestly think that most times when a man tell you that he’s “fallen out of love with you,” what he means is that he’s no longer in love with the marriage or relationship. Specifically, he’s lost the feelings of happiness and intimacy that the relationship used to elicit in him. This is very good news because it means that the feelings he has for you are still buried somewhere and can resurface. If you remember nothing else from this article, please remember this. More often than not, a man loses feelings of love not because of how he feels about you, but because of how he feels about himself.

When he was “in love,” the feelings this elicited in him make him feel confident, attractive, intelligent, competent, and needed. When these feelings are lost, men feel very let down. They often hate this loss so much that they are sometimes willing to go elsewhere or move on to attempt to regain what they think is lost.

In instances of infidelity, affairs, or times of crises and stress, many people make the mistake of thinking that their husbands fell in love with another woman or that the stressful crises caused the problem. The truth is often that either the other woman simply was able to elicit or return the husband’s positive feelings about himself or the crisis negatively affected his self-esteem and he’s trying to flee or escape the situation. By wanting to leave or falling out of love, the spouse is attempting to regain the feelings elsewhere because he doesn’t know how or can’t imagine (right now) regaining them with you. (It’s your job to show him he can, but to make him think this was his own realization and his own idea.)

How To Use This Knowledge To Your Advantage: If you can see any similarities in this article with your situation, use this knowledge to your advantage. We know that your spouse’s feelings about your marriage/ relationship and his self-esteem have been negatively affected, so we need to listen to these messages and take action.

We need to recreate the scenarios that elicited positive feelings. Whether this means giving him more of your time, becoming the person he first fell in love with, or addressing an issue that is separating you, it’s important that you be proactive and not just hope everything works itself out.

Concentrating On Positive Feelings To Get Your Husband’s Love To Return: It’s very important to remember that the actions you take and the behaviors you display need to elicit positive feelings. More than anything else, you want your husband to have positive feelings when he thinks of or interacts with you. So, don’t participate in any behaviors that would have the opposite effect. It’s natural to want answers and to want a quick immediate fix, but don’t allow this to make you desperate and act in a way you may later regret. This includes repeatedly questioning, texting, calling, arguing with, berating, or acting in such a way that’s going to deteriorate the relationship any further.

Instead, you want to recreate the alluring, happy go lucky, intelligent, openhearted, engaging, and attentive person that he first fell in love with. This is vitally important, but you can’t be obvious about this because if your husband gets wind that this faked, planned, or not genuine, he’s going to resist you even more.

I completely understand how you feel right now because my husband came home one day out of the blue and told me point blank he was no longer in love with me. I tried every desperate trick in the book to bring him back. I made many mistakes and set my relationship back many times before I finally realized I had to change directions. You can read that story of how I was eventually able to save my marriage (when I was the only one who wanted to) by visiting my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/