My Husband Confessed To Feeling Attracted To Other Women. What Should I Do?
By: Leslie Cane: Many wives feel their husbands slipping away from them for various reasons. Some of the more common reasons is either a waning attraction to his wife or a growing attraction to someone else.
Someone might explain: “our marriage has been on shaky ground for the past eight months or so. I admit that I’ve been overwhelmed being a mother to twins and I haven’t paid as much attention to myself or to my marriage. The other day, we were at a sporting event and I saw my husband very obviously and openly gawking at the cheerleaders. It made me so annoyed that I had to say something. So I said ‘wow, I’m sitting right here. You would think if you were going to gawk at other women, you’d wait until I went to the bathroom or concession stand.’ He responded that he had no choice but to look lately because he wasn’t getting much stimulation at home. I let it go in front of the kids. But later that night, I asked him what he meant about his snide comments. He wouldn’t elaborate and tried to apologize. I then asked him very directly if he thinks about or fantasizes about other women. He said that he’s a man and that’s what men do. I pressed a little further and eventually my husband admitted that there are a few women at work that he’s attracted to. He swore that he would never act on this, but said that maybe this is because our physical relationship has cooled. He said there are temptations at his job. This hurt my feelings and made me angry. Because if he had to stay home with two babies every day, I doubt he would be dressed to the nines or would look his best. What am I supposed to do with this information?” I’ll try to address this concern in the following article.
Although This May Hurt, Know That His Telling You About This Is A Good Sign: I know that it was hard for the wife to hear this revelation. It hurts to hear this and it’s only natural to feel defensive or to suspect that your husband is trying to set up an eventual affair or infidelity. But most men who have the intention of cheating (or who actively are cheating) don’t go around telling their wives that they are attracted to other women. They just keep silent and go right ahead and help themselves.
So the fact that he is bringing your attention to this is actually a positive thing because it indicates that he is hoping that the two of you can work through this before anything negative happens. He wouldn’t make this admission if he didn’t want for you to take some action. And if he really was planning on cheating, he wouldn’t want to get your suspicions up, which he has already done.
As Busy And As Stressed As You Are, You Should Always Make Every Attempt To Prioritize Your Marriage: As unfair as it is, the years after you have children is a time where your marriage can be very vulnerable. And although this vulnerability is natural when you have the least time for yourself and for your marriage, it is sometimes when your marriage is going to need some extra attention. It’s very normal to feel that your spouse is expecting too much and should understand that you are being pulled in every direction. But even if this is the case, it doesn’t keep him from feeling what he’s experiencing right now. Whether his feelings or right, wrong, justified or not justified, denying the existence of them doesn’t do either of you any good.
I know that your marriage can seem like just one more task you have to cross off of your list. But look at it this way. Your children won’t always be this young. Your children are meant to be independent one day. But your spouse will hopefully always be there. And you need to nurture that relationship as much as you nurture the family relationship. Additionally, your marriage is the one on which your children will base their own marriages, so you want to cultivate a relationship where both parents desire and love one another. This wife and her husband still loved one another, but the desire was slipping. So that is where the attention had to be turned.
Easy Ways To Cultivate Attraction And Desire: I don’t want it to sound like I’m blaming any of this on the wife because I absolutely am not. But it’s normal to lose your confidence a little when you are a new mom. And do you know what men find more attractive than anything else? It’s not always the way that you look. Men often comment that they love the way their wife looks after a work out with absolutely no makeup on her face. What men love are confidence and enthusiasm. You may not think that you look your best, but if you are an enthusiastic partner and you portray confidence, he will likely find you much more attractive than you think. The key is to set it up so that you enjoy what you are doing so that you can feel good about yourself. If you are enjoying yourself, he is much more likely to find you desirable because of the positive feedback that he is experiencing. Don’t be so overwhelmed that you don’t reach out to your husband. He should be your support right now.
So to answer the question posed, although I don’t think that you should panic about this, I do think that you should pay attention and do everything in your power to bring back the intimacy and the spark at home. A man who is fulfilled at home will have no reason to feel anything for other people and that includes the women at his office.
I wish I had paid more attention when my own husband expressed issues with our marriage. I blindly hoped that things would work out, not realizing that my lack of attention would almost cost me my marriage. It took a lot of backtracking in order to save my marriage but I was eventually very successful. If it helps, you can read the whole story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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