Why Would A Man Change His Mind After Filing For Divorce?
By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who are experiencing very conflicting emotions as it relates to their husband, who had filed for divorce and then changed his mind. On the one hand, they are grateful that he has changed his mind. Because often, they didn’t want a divorce and could only watch helplessly as he filed. But, as grateful and as relieved as they are, they are often left wondering what reasons lead to his change of heart.
I heard from a wife who said: “after months of fighting and even a short separation, my husband filed for divorce four weeks ago. I did everything I could to delay him or talk him out of this, including offering counseling and compromises. Nothing worked. When he filed, I was devastated and I grieved. I was so sorry for my kids and for the future that I wouldn’t have. Within the last week, I have sort of accepted it. I’m not saying that I’m not still devastated but I realized that there wasn’t a whole lot that I could do about it. And wouldn’t you know as soon as I had started to accept it my husband came by and told me that, for now, he has changed his mind about the divorce. The first thing out of my mouth was to ask why. And the reason is that I had thrown every argument that I had at him to get him to change his mind and now, he has changed his mind all on his own. He won’t give me a straight answer as to what brought this on. And, as a result, I don’t trust it. I think he probably decided that a divorce was going to cost him too much money in child support. Because why else would he change his mind like this?”
There are multiple reasons that a man might change his mind about a divorce. And only a few of them have to do with the cost of a divorce. I will discuss some of the possibilities in the following article.
He May Have Simply Had A Change Of Heart: This is difficult for many wives to believe. But as soon as he realizes that this might actually be real, that in a few short weeks he will no longer be living with you or his children, he can have some sobering doubts about whether the divorce is the right call. Also, sometimes men who are considering or who have filed for divorce interact with men who are already divorced. They might notice that the divorced men don’t really seem all that happy and may even seem downright lonely. Many men in this situation have admitted to me that they went to one of their divorced friends thinking that this friend was going to tell them how wonderful the newly single life is, only to discover that instead, the friend expressed how much he regrets no longer being married.
Also, men can also begin to think back over the course of your marriage with longing. They can begin to explore the happy memories and this leads many of them to wonder if it’s even remotely possible that you could have this again. In short, many start to entertain the thought that perhaps divorce is not the answer and perhaps you have something worth fighting for.
In fact. many men change their mind about the divorce motivated by their sense of family. Children can play a huge role. There can be a real sense of giving up what you are worked so hard for or giving up the dreams that you had. This can be depressing and sad so it’s not surprising that some decide that they just do not want to go down this path.
What Should You Do If You Still Don’t Understand Why He Changed His Mind About The Divorce: It’s understandable that many wives in this situation hesitate because they don’t want to get their heart broken if their husband changes his mind once again. They figure it will be even more painful if they get their hopes up only to have them dashed again. This is understandable. But here is the thing. WIthout any risk, there is no chance and no hope. You have a chance at what you have wanted all along – to save your marriage. If you don’t take that chance, won’t you always wonder what might have been?
I understand not wanting to be hurt. But you can take some safeguards to make this less likely. You can move very slowly and not put a lot of pressure on the situation. You can seek out counseling. You can address and hopefully fix those problems that lead to the divorce in the first place. And you can rebuild your marriage on a very strong foundation so that you will no longer have any doubts that either of you wants to be in your marriage.
So to answer the question posed, there are multiple reasons that men change their mind about a divorce. And some of them are positive rather than negative reasons. I understand that many wives in this situation are hesitant or doubtful. But if you want to save your marriage, why not see this through and give it your all? In short, you’ve been given another chance so why not see if you can make something of it? If you fail and it doesn’t work out, you will know that you tried and you will be back to where you already were, which means that you don’t really have anything to lose.
I didn’t hesitate when my husband changed his mind about the divorce. I was scared to be hurt, of course. But I was clear on the fact that my marriage was the most important thing to me. And, in the end, our marriage completely survived and we are very strong today because I was determined to rebuild. If it helps, you can read the whole story of how I saved my marriage on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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