Leslie Cane Articles

I recently heard from a wife who was desperate to save her marriage but who had a very difficult situation on her hands.  Her husband had made it very clear that wasn’t happy in the marriage and he was pushing for a separation.  In fact, he was pushing so hard that he told the wife that he planned to move out next weekend.

He wasn’t sure if the move was going to be a permanent one.  He told the wife that he just wanted some time apart to see how he felt about her and the marriage and he felt that moving out was the best way to accomplish this.

Needless to say, the wife was crushed.  She said in part:  “I’m completely devastated that he’s moving out and I don’t know what to do.  I’d been working hard on saving my marriage but I don’t know how this is still going to be possible with him moving out.  How can I make things better if I can’t see him, talk to him, and physically be with him?  It seems to me like it’s completely impossible.”

I promise you that it’s not impossible.  I know this because I have done it.  After making numerous stupid mistakes and many starts and stops that make things worse,  I was able to save my marriage after my husband moved out.  I will share with you some of how I was able to do that in the following article.  At the end, I’ll tell you where to go for more information, should you need it.

Your Husband’s Moving Out Does Not Mean You Can’t Save Your Marriage.  In Fact, Sometimes It Actually Helps You Save It:  First of all, you really do have to believe that you can save your marriage right now. If you don’t, this really does cloud your judgment and your actions and it doesn’t do anything to help you convince your husband of the same.

If you approach this process with fear and dread, you are not in the best position to change anything.  As difficult as it might be, you have to give the impression that you are confident that your husband is going to realize that your marriage is one that can and should be saved.  It took me a long time to realize this and even longer to learn how to play it correctly.  But it really is an important piece of the puzzle.  So what happens if you’re not sure if you can save your marriage?  Fake it until you make it.  It’s just that important.

Allow The Time Apart To Work For Your Marriage, But Make Strategic Use Of Meetings And Communications:  There’s a fine line between communicating too much during the separation and not enough.  The whole idea of the separation is making sure that your husband misses you and the marriage.

Because once this happens, you are going to have a much easier time making your marriage eventually work.  But this can’t happen if you attempt to communicate too much.  I know that it’s very tempting to want to talk to, see, and interact with your husband all of the time.  But it’s usually not a good idea.

Now, with this said, you shouldn’t ignore your husband or expect him (or even want him) to think that you are having the time of your life without him.   He will likely know that you aren’t genuine anyway.

But you really do have to strike a balance between too much and not enough.  Because one of your goals should be to leave each encounter, conversation, or interaction making sure that you leave a good impression on your spouse so that he wants to continue on.  Ideally, he looks forward to the next conversation, the next meeting, the next text, etc.

If you over do it, these things can’t happen.  He will likely start avoiding you instead.  So, find a way to have one interaction, make sure it goes well, and then wait an appropriate amount of time until the next one.  If you can, it’s even better to eventually allow him to be the one who is initiating the contact because this makes him more invested in saving your marriage.  You really do want him being a willing participant.  It’s the only way to know that he’s working with you to save your marriage because he wants to – not because you finally wore him down or you “convinced him” where he was wrong.

So How Do You get Your Husband Interested Again When He’s Moved Out?:  This is probably one of the most common questions that people ask me.  They just don’t believe that it’s possible to get their husband interested in or in love with them again when they’re separated.  It is possible.

But to have the best chance of it, you have to pull together all of your strength and call upon your best self.  What I mean by this is that right now, it’s vital that you show your husband the women who used to take his breathe away.  You want to show him the vibrant, fun loving, caring person who turned his head – not the scared one who doesn’t know where to turn now.

People respond to (and fall in love with) other people who make them feel good about themselves and their situation.  That’s why it’s so important that you stay upbeat – even though I know that you suspect you will miss him desperately and you’re scared to death to lose him and the marriage.

I know this plan seems risky, but it puts you in a much more favorable position than allowing your fear, doubt, and desperation to show.  You know that he loves you.  But, the circumstances are such that he doesn’t remember it – or he doubts it.

So change the circumstances and do this successfully and then you have a real chance to change his perceived feelings.  I know this because it was my reality.  I had to play this correctly to save my own marriage after my husband moved out.  And he didn’t just move out.  He wanted a divorce.  It was a long climb back but I eventually did save my marriage.  You can read that very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

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