Leslie Cane Articles

I often hear from people who are at a cross roads in there marriages. By the time they contact me, things usually aren’t going very well at all. Much of the time, since they don’t know what else to do, they are considering just throwing in the towel and getting a divorce.

But the idea of this often doesn’t really feel all that right either. Many people’s intuition tells them that there’s a chance divorce might not be the right call and might be something they might later look back on and regret.

And divorce can be such a permanent and serious decision. It will affect your life now and in your future. You sometimes can’t take it back and it can even have lasting ramifications on the lives of your children. Still, there are some people who tell me that divorce was the right call for them. And there are some who tell me that they look back and they most definitely regret it.

In the following article, I’ll discuss some things you might want to think about if you’re trying to decide if you would regret the divorce later.

Are Your Doubts About The Divorce Weighing On You More Than Your Wanting A Divorce?: I have to tell you that most of the people who tell me they don’t regret getting a divorce never had any doubt in their mind that divorce was what they wanted to do and what they should do.  Sometimes, it was very clear that they were being damaged in or by their marriage and it was obvious that they needed to leave.

On the other hand, the people who typically express regret about getting a divorce had doubts about it all along.  They flip flopped on whether it was the right thing to do and sometimes they even called off the divorce or changed their mind a time or two. 

I think that in this case, they suspected deep in their heart that there might be something left in their marriage and that walking away without trying to reignite whatever was left may be a mistake.

Here’s one thing you might want to try.  Picture yourself ten years from now.  You’re divorced and you’re playing around on the internet and you see your spouse now (who would then be your ex husband.)  How would you feel then?  Would you care? Would you look at his profile and compare notes?  Would you feel a little tug of jealousy if he were with someone else? Would you compare yourself to his new wife or girlfriend?

If you can say that you truly wouldn’t care one way or another or could truly wish him well, then you’re approaching indifference which is where I think healthy divorces start.  At this place, there isn’t anger, resentment or doubt.  There’s just an end.  And although the end may be sad, people are at peace because they know it’s the right call.

But if there’s still doubt or even anger or jealousy, then that usually means there are still lose ends that might need to be explored before you can reach the point where you can walk away and get a divorce without regret. 

If You Think You Might Regret Your Divorce, Ask Yourself What You Haven’t Done To Save Your Marriage (Or If You Deep Down Really Want To:)  I admit that I don’t know you or even why you are thinking about a divorce.  But I do know something very important about you.  Somehow, some way, you are reading this article right now.  That means you had enough doubt in your heart to research whether you’ll later regret getting a divorce.  This tells me that you might know deep down in your heart that you might in fact come to regret your divorce later.

So the next question is, why do you suspect you might have some regret later on?  Is it because you know deep down that you haven’t tried everything to save your marriage?  Is it because, despite yourself, you still love your spouse? Is it because you feel like divorce is giving in or giving up? Are your children a concern? 

All of these questions can be very important ones and the answers can be very telling.  If any of these questions resonate strongly with you, then that’s the place I suspect that you start.  If you know you still love your spouse, this is enough.  This is a valid starting point to save your marriage.  If you know you haven’t done everything in your power to save your marriage, well then, there’s your starting point right now.  If your children are your inspiration to make things work, there is nothing wrong with that. It’s better than no common ground at all.

The bottom line is that I can’t tell you whether you will regret getting divorced or not.  There’s no article or quiz that can make that determination for you.  I can tell you that people who are sure about getting divorced typically aren’t researching this topic online.  The fact that you are makes me suspect that somewhere within you, you are aware that regretting the divorce is a real possibility for you.

Rather than feeling sad, conflicted or confused, I’d suggest taking an action.  Remember when I brought up the trigger that is giving you doubt about the divorce?  How about following that and see where it leads you.  If you do this and ultimately can’t save your marriage, at least you will know that you did every single thing you could when you ultimately decide to divorce.

Ending your marriage is an extremely serious decision.  For some, it is the right decision. For others, it turns out that it’s not and they feel regret and sometimes can’t undo what is already been done.  Sometimes it takes a lot of soul searching to determine which of these categories you and your marriage falls into.  And I’d personally rather do the work now than have the regret later.

Frankly, I always knew that I would regret a divorce.  My husband was the one who wanted to end the marriage.  I wanted to save it, even though I knew we had real problems.  Getting my husband on board was very difficult.  There were times I thought a divorce was the only solution.  Thankfully, I lucked upon something that actually worked after making many mistakes.  You can read the story of how I saved my marriage on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

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