Leslie Cane Articles

By: Leslie Cane: Many husbands lament that they’ve “fallen out of love” with their wife. Many times, this lack of love leads to a husband who wants a separation or divorce. Often, the wives affected by this are looking for a way to get their husband to love them again. The answer to this concern lies in understanding why people fall in and out of love. Because, if we can understand this, the next action becomes a little more clear. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Narrowing Down Why Husbands Really Fall Out Of Love: If you were to ask the husband who “wants out” of their marriage why their feelings have changed, 9 times out of 10, you would likely get vague answers that don’t really get to the heart of the matter.

You’ll often hear things like: “We’re just different people now.”

Or “We don’t have much in common anymore.”

Another example is: “We’ve grown apart.”

And then there’s the “I’m just not attracted to my wife anymore and don’t feel the same way.”

And while the husband who is no longer experiencing loving feelings may well be telling the truth as they know it, what they are describing is often the symptoms and not the cause.

Sure, the thing that changed their feelings DOES make them feel as though they’ve grown apart from or not as close to or attracted to their wife. But, very few people understand the true cause of why they feel the way that they do. It’s not easy to look at this objectively when you are right smack in the middle of it.

I hear from people from all walks of life on both sides of this equation. I believe that for the most part people are honest with me because they don’t have any reason not to be. And, from all that I have heard from all sides, if I had to sum up while people fall out of love in one word – that word would be neglect.

The Changes That You Must Navigate to Get the Love Back: Before you think that the idea of neglect sounds too simplistic, hear me out. Often, it’s not really the people who have changed. Almost always, the circumstances DO change.

People have households to care for. Children come along. Financial obligations pop up. There is less time to give to the relationship without something else having to give. And yet, almost all married couples have the same types of general obligations and some make it work while others struggle.

From my observation, the major difference between the two is the amount of effort put into it combined with an understanding of what efforts provide the biggest and most needed payoff. This leads me to my next point.

Understanding What Husbands Really Want To Feel While Being “In Love”: Think back to when you were falling in love with your spouse. There was excitement that came with things being shiny and new and the anticipation of seeing how things were going to unfold. This likely had you holding your breath with all of the hopeful possibilities. And let’s face it, in the early stages of your relationship, everyone is on their very best behavior.

You might never see your spouse more charming, attentive, and romantic than they are in the early stages. There is no doubt about it that this type of attention and give-and-take feels good. The pay off is constant and makes you want to give back. So the cycle is a very positive and exciting one.

But, when real life comes calling, it’s a bit unrealistic to think that you can keep this up forever. And, inevitably, life begins to get in the way. This doesn’t mean that you don’t love your spouse or that you’re slacking. It just means that you are having a normal reaction to normal issues.

But, over time, this shift can really affect your marriage or your relationship. Whether they can put their finger on it or not, your husband (and you) can begin to feel differently.

But I can tell you that almost no one connects the dots between the priority and time shift with the changing feelings. They will think their spouse has changed or the feelings have fled without realizing that the equation really is that the effort put in is directly proportional to the feelings that come out.

Ways To Make a Husband Fall In Love With You Again: One of the most common questions that I’m asked is how to make your husband, boyfriend, loved one, etc. fall back in love with you. Although I often think that the whole idea of “falling out of love” is a bit inaccurate, I can tell you some ways to bring back loving feelings.

First, it’s so important to understand what people truly want. And, a good way to do this is to understand what you want. Because these desires are almost universal as they really are human nature. Everyone wants to feel desired. Everyone wants to feel special and unique. And, we all want to know that know that we’re really and truly seen.

Making a person feel this way is an investment in time and effort. That’s why the longer a relationship lasts, the greater the risk becomes of taking your loved one for granted and seeing these feelings slip right through your fingers. But, just understanding this concept is the first step. I often tell people to give their spouse the thing that they most want and watch as it comes back to them.

In other words, if you feel your loved one isn’t affectionate, then show them affection and see what happens. It might feel weird and vulnerable at first. If the closeness and intimacy aren’t there, you may have to feel your way for a little while.

But, a little effort over time can make a big impact. Many times, if you ask the husband who wants the separation or divorce a few open-ended questions, you’ll find that, deep down, they felt unappreciated or misunderstood. To keep this from happening (or to fix it when it does) it’s vital that you make your loved one feel prioritized, understood, and confident that you “get” them and know what is most important.

People often think being in love is all about the chemistry and the spark. And while this may be accurate in the beginning, I don’t buy it for the long term. I’ve seen too many marriages and relationships saved by re-prioritizing and understanding what people really need – including my own.