Should You Have A Romantic Getaway During Your Separation?
By: Leslie Cane: Some of the wives that I hear from are trying to get their husbands to “take some time away together” or “to get away” with them on a “romantic getaway” while they are separated. Many are not completely happy with the way that their separation is going and they figure if they can get their husband alone in a romantic setting with no distractions, then this might help to change things. I can also tell you from experience that many of us have hopeful fantasies about this scenario. We fantasize that everything is going to click on this little getaway so that we can’t get enough of one another and we come home reconciled.
When He’s Not Willing To Go: The idea of a getaway is a lovely thought – and it does happen for some people, which is wonderful. But in my observation, it is not the norm. First of all, sometimes you never end up going on the trip because your husband is not willing to go. And by continuing to bring it up, you weaken what was a very weak thread between you to begin with.
Or, some people do end up convincing him to go, but the trip doesn’t go as planned because there was so much pressure on it and then the tension that occurred on the trip causes both people to wonder if they will ever connect again.
When He’s Asking You To Go: Of course, in some situations, it is your husband asking you to go. If this is the case, be grateful (since not every one has this luxury,) but I’d suggest giving this careful planning so that there isn’t more harm than good that comes of this.
If your husband is willing and you to decide to make the trip, vow not to be so uptight about the trip that it creates pressure. It’s very easy to make yourself believe pessimistic thoughts like: “it’s now or never” or “this is my one and only chance to get my husband back.”
Avoid Sabotaging Your Getaway: When you panicked thoughts, you are more likely to act in a desperate manner, which makes it more likely that the trip is not going to go as planned. The last thing you want is a trip that ends up in disaster because you were clinging too tightly to the whole thing.
Define Realistic Goals: Honestly, I believe that the main goal for the trip should be to have a good time and to improve the relationship between you. I know that you might be thinking that this is crazy and that your goal is to reconcile. But this is often asking for too much too soon. And this type of thinking actually makes it more likely that you will be disappointed.
If you end up having a good time, sharing some laughs, and feeling closer to one another, then this goodwill is going to follow you home and pave the way for you to continue to make progress in the days ahead. But if you are unrealistic, then even if the trip is a good one, both you and your husband may wonder if your reconciliation is actually genuine or if you were only motivated by the magic of your surroundings.
I know you want your husband back, but ideally, you want him back for good and not just temporarily. So you want every aspect of your reconciliation to be genuine and lasting. It’s unrealistic to think that one weekend away is going to solve all of your problems. Yes, one weekend away can be the stimulus to the two of you being more loving and cooperative to one another. And that in turn can help you to work through your problems.
But thinking that one outing is magically going to erase what is wrong is disappointment waiting to happen.
I am not trying to discourage anyone. If your husband is asking you to get away or he is willing to get away, then this can certainly bring you closer together and that’s never a bad thing. Go for it if this is the case. Just be realistic.
But if your husband is reluctant or unwilling to go, then all is not lost. Sometimes a weekly cup of coffee while sharing laughs together can have the same effect. Sure, its not ideal and I know you’d rather have the weekend away than the coffee. But often in this situation, you have to play with the cards you are dealt. Frankly, my husband would never have been willing to “getaway” with me while we were separated, but I took the victories I was able to manage and I built on them. And the results is the same. We did reconcile, and there was no getaway.
If you have the opportunity, then go and have a good time. I believe that you will often have a much better outcome if you set your goals and expectations at a realistic level. Don’t make the trip too lengthy. It is better to be left wanting more than to want it to end.
From my own experience and just watching the outcomes of others, I’ve come to the belief that if you want a lasting reconciliation that leads to a lasting marriage, then there are not any real short cuts. At least that’s my belief.
I couldn’t take short cuts because my husband didn’t allow them, but it worked out in the end. You can read more about that here.
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