By: Leslie Cane: I often hear from wives who are relieved that their husband is still home with them, but are afraid that he is eventually going to want to leave them. Often, he’s only dropping little hints or you’re noticing that his heart just no longer seems to be with you or the marriage. Sometimes, you will go so far as to ask him if he wants to or is going to leave you but you can’t get a straight answer.
I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “our marriage has really changed over the past eight months. It’s pretty obvious that my husband isn’t as happy or as committed to me as he once was. And although he says he wouldn’t leave me because of our kids, sometimes he doesn’t come home until late or he doesn’t come home at all. Sometimes, I think that he’s settling up his affairs so that he can leave me. I suspect that he might be looking for a new place to live. I heard him talking to his dad the other night. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I can’t help but think maybe he was telling his dad about our marriage. I just can’t shake the feeling that he’s going to leave me. Are there any signs to look for the tell me that I’m right?”
There are some universal signs that you will sometimes see when a man is thinking about leaving his marriage or his wife. But men are individuals just like everyone else, so the signs that you see may vary depending on your husband’s personality. None the less, in the following article, I’ll offer you some of the more common signs you might see if your husband wants to, is thinking about, or planning to leave you.
He Seems To Be Wanting To Get His Single Life In Order: Many wives can help but notice that their husband may be thinking about or buying major purchases in his name only. Or, in the alternative, he may be reluctant to make major or long term joint purchases because he just isn’t sure if he’s going to be married to you for that much longer. I’ve also had wives tell me that they’ve found apartment information or realtor cards because their husband had been looking for a place to live. One wife said the bank called their home about his application for a loan, which the wife knew absolutely nothing about. In short, if you notice your husband making decisions or exploring new horizons without including or consulting you, then you might suspect that he’s asserting his independence from you or the marriage, or at least trying it on for size.
He’s Reluctant To Commit To Life Time Decisions Like Having Another Child, Changing Jobs, Or Upgrading Homes: If a man is wanting to leave or thinking about leaving you (or isn’t sure if you’re going to married a few months or a few years from now,) you may notice that he’s reluctant to make any large commitments like having children (or having additional children if you are already parents,) moving, making career decisions, or making large or lasting purchases. Of course, even men who are committed to their marriage can have doubts about making large commitments or life changes, but if you are seeing this reluctance combined with an ambivalence about your marriage or a coldness or distance, then take notice.
He’s Dropping Hints That Maybe You Should Take A Break From One Another Or The Marriage: There are some men who leave their wives and their marriage out of the clear blue, without a lot of warning. But I find that these men are in the minority. Most of the time, there are little warning signs along the way that many wives can’t help but notice. Often, the husband will ask rhetorical questions – like whether or not the marriage is what you thought it would be or if you think it might be beneficial to take a break or separation. Some husbands will go so far as to actually mention or hint about leaving just to see what your reaction will be or to see if you will make things easier for them by either suggesting it yourself or at least offering your acceptance of a separation or break.
(And I do think that it can be better to offer him a break or some space while he still lives at home instead of allowing him to actually move out or leave your home because at least this way you don’t have to worry about luring him back.)
In short, there’s usually not one specific thing that tells you he’s thinking about leaving or wanting to leave (unless he tells you himself very directly.) Instead, it’s usually a combination of several things combined with that little feeling you get when you know that something just isn’t right because you suspect that your husband isn’t happy with you, the marriage, and your home and is thinking about leaving all three.
I used to think that my husband left me without any warning. But looking back now, there were clues along the way. If I had acted instead of thinking every thing was fine, it might have been easier to save our marriage. I was eventually able to salvage my marriage but it took a lot of work and strategy. It would have been easier had I been paying attention all along. If it helps, you’re welcome to read the whole story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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