By Leslie Cane: I often hear from wives who hope that one day, their husband is going to regret leaving them. Often, these same wives will tell their husbands that leaving is a mistake that he will one day regret. And often either the husband doesn’t buy this for a second, or any doubts that he might have override his need to leave and just see what happens.
I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “my husband has decided that he will be happier as a single man without the day to day responsibilities of a wife and family. I think he has this romanticized version of a weekend dad in his head. I have repeatedly told him that he is making a huge mistake that he will one day regret but he doesn’t listen to me at all. A mutual friend of ours thinks that I might be wrong. She says that he might think that he’s enjoying the best of both worlds – the weekends with his kids but freedom and peace and quiet during the week. I disagree because I can’t imagine just turning your back on your family and then being happy with yourself afterward. So, who is right? Do men regret leaving their wives? Or do they walk away and never look back with any regret at all?”
The answer to these questions depend upon many variables. But yes, some men do end up regretting leaving their wives once they’ve had some time apart and the opportunity to reflect. Whether they feel any regret or not (and how deeply they feel it) often depends upon why they left in the first place, what happens after they left, and what type of person they are in the first place. I will discuss this more in the following article.
The Reasons A Man Has For Leaving In The First Place Will Often Influence Whether He Eventually Regrets Having Left: Men who leave their wives for other women often end up feeling regret once they figure out that the other woman or the relationship turned out to be an eye opening disappointment. The whole process and sense of discovery can take some time, but it’s very common that eventual regret sets in.
Many men feel regret after they figure out that they left a woman whom they misjudged. Or, they might later decide that they acted too swiftly. Sometimes, they later look back with some honesty and decide that they were immature and made their own mistakes and therefore it wasn’t fair for them to place the blame onto you.
I’ve even had men tell with (with a great deal of regret) that they made the biggest mistake of their lives by leaving the one person who loved them unconditionally and who understood them like no one else. And sometimes, it is too late to fix this because that wonderful woman chose not to wait around forever and some other man was able to see very clearly what the husband missed all along.
Of course, while some husbands feel varying degrees of regret, some men do not. Some men will tell you that escaping their marital prison was the best thing that they ever did. They’ll tell you that they were dying inside every day that they were desperately unhappy within their marriage or living for someone else. So, what is the difference between the husband who is filled with regret and the guy who feels none it all? Some of it is the personality and make up of the husband combined with the circumstance of future events that unfold. And you can’t control this. But a good deal of it is also made up of his future interactions with and perceptions of you, which you most certainly can control.
How To Act When You’re Trying To Make Your Husband Regret Leaving You: I often hear from wives who are hoping to make their husband feel some regret. The first thing that you’ll need to understand is that you’ll often have better success with this process if you understand that it’s just going to take some time. Feeling genuine regret often requires perspective. And time is needed for genuine perspective. There is just no way around that.
The next thing that you need to understand is that regret that is fueled by pity or guilt is often not all that genuine. It’s often the kind of regret that makes him want to stay away rather than the kind that makes him want to come back. So, while it may not be that difficult for you to make him feel guilt or pity, and then in turn feel some regret, this type isn’t the type that you want because it’s more likely to make him want to stay away, which is not your goal.
What you want instead is genuine regret that is born out of a realization that he was wrong. He needs to believe that his doubts about you or the relationship were either misguided at the time or no longer exist today. So how do you inspire this type of change? You show him a self respecting woman who is loving but self sufficient. You show him the genuine side of yourself who is easy to get a long and collaborate with. In other words, you don’t want him to see the married woman with whom he always fought or just couldn’t make it work with.
Instead, you want him to see the woman he courted and never wanted to be without. I would understand if you had some doubt about this process. After all, none of us have the ability to turn back the clock and pretend that our mistakes and misunderstandings never happened. But, today is a new day. You can either just accept those same mistakes and your new set of circumstances and start fresh, or you can try to pick up the pieces or rewrite the history of the past. It’s my experience that you’ll often get better results by focusing on the present day positive because this allows your husband to willingly want to spend more time with you without worrying that you’re going to try to dredge up the past or point out his misgivings. People just naturally are drawn to others who make them feel better about themselves and their own situations.
So while you don’t have to pretend that you are happy about the fact that he left you, acting on this unhappiness by trying to elicit negative feelings that fuel the regret will often just reinforce his decision to leave. Instead, you want to give him positive memories and experiences which make him question his decision to leave.
There was a time when my husband seemed to feel no regret at all over leaving me. I tried to inspire this regret by making him feel sorry for me, but I honestly think that my behavior made him feel relief instead. I eventually, I decided to try a completely different approach, which worked. If it helps, you can read more about the tactics that actually worked on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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